Comments on: Witness

By: Carly

Carly — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:27:26 +0000

I’m so stealing that bit for the next time I get a telemarketing call. That’s fabulous (even if he’s not.)

By: Fiorello La Guardia

Fiorello La Guardia — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:14:15 +0000

Maybe you misunderstood him…he probably said he was in the WITLESS protection program. Makes more sense that way!

By: roy

roy — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 16:21:38 +0000

The strangest invasion of space I’ve encountered was while at a movie theater (the old kind without “stadium seating.” I had one leg crossed over the other knee, and a young girl in front of me leaned forward and flipped her really long hair back behind the seat and over my leg. I remember thinking too bad I didn’t know how to braid hair. Her father was probably one of those guys who uses the common back of restaurant booths as an armrest.

By: claire

claire — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 22:14:49 +0000

Curious. What is one supposed to say about a relative in the witness protection program? He took a job in Thailand, joined the peace corps and has no internet in his village, is in a coma in Switzerland…?

By: churlita

churlita — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:50:10 +0000

I’m surprised he didn’t just pee all over the seat to mark his territory. Although the constant belching probably worked almost as well.

By: Black Belt Mama

Black Belt Mama — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:43:38 +0000

My Dad always says, “the world would be a better place without all these damn people.” That one included.

By: Miss Britt

Miss Britt — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:41:17 +0000

That is genius.
Dear Class of 1998,
We’re sorry to inform you that Miss Britt will not be attending your reunion this year. It is not because she has gained weight and is working in a crummy sales job. Nor is it because she really just doesn’t give two shits about seeing you.
Rather, she is in the witness protection program.
Thanks for understanding,
The FBI

By: elise

elise — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:15:11 +0000

I am totally using Sir’s idea next time someone is in my personal space with anything flammable.

By: vahid

vahid — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:22:16 +0000

I think I get his formula for getting rid of telemarketers. To sum up: convey what a colossal a$$hole you are using only five sentences.

By: Don

Don — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:10:13 +0000

I vote great telemarketing shield. But public transpo annoys me. Last time, this pregnant woman and her old grandmother wouldn’t give me their seats. I almost had to yank them out of there.