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Design concept
and illustrations by kris dresen
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My friends Natasha and Farnsworth went to Hawaii for ten days, and all I got was…
… the most incredibly awesome good-luck happy tiki in the entire world!
Natasha, Dee-Dee and I had dinner last week to hear all about Nat’s Polynesian Adventure, and somewhere between the third and seventh time I asked her if she tried poi (apparently no one really eats it), she pulled out gifts for both of us.
I squealed with excitement and snatched my tiki out of her hand. As Nat continued her stories of lava rocks and lei greetings, I examined my gift, admiring the craftsmanship – the detailed grimace, the hands clenched as though to threaten those who might do me harm, and of course, his rockin’ ass.
“Ohmigod! Look – it has a butt! You got me a dirty naked tiki!”
I rubbed the bulbous buttocks with my thumb while giggling with delight. Nat and Dee-Dee looked around the restaurant to see if anyone had heard me.
“Okay, Jenny. Stop that.”
“Stop what? This?”
I then began gently petting the tiki butt with my index finger.
“Stop it! Stop petting his butt!”
“Okay, fine. I won’t pet his butt with my index finger anymore.”
I grinned while massaging the tiki’s posterior in a circular motion with my first two fingers.
The silent treatment.
“All right, all right. Sheesh – and you say I’m a prude! Well, I absolutely love my gift, Nat – thanks! This will get plenty of use.”
“You do realize that it’s a bottle opener, right?”
“Huh? Oh. Bottle opener… yeah. Cool!”
Posted by runjenrun at October 1, 2006 12:21 PM
Awesome. There's nothing like a good tiki with a great butt.
Posted by: Caitlinator at October 1, 2006 01:27 PM
Oh, who is Caitlin kidding? There's nothing like a great butt, tiki or otherwise. And now, you can honestly brag about being able to open a beer bottle with your rockin' ass. It's a great party trick, I'm just sayin.
Posted by: shari at October 1, 2006 04:16 PM
Why isn't the front as rub-worthy as the back?
Posted by: nina at October 2, 2006 01:00 AM
Rock-hard ass. Good work.
Posted by: sandra at October 2, 2006 01:17 AM
You should see the corkscrew they almost bought.
Posted by: Hap at October 2, 2006 04:28 AM
Caitlin: Ain't it the truth?
Shari: Good point - and to think that people used to be impressed when I'd open a beer bottle with my teeth!
Nina: It's hard to tell from the photo, but trust me - your hand just naturally gravitates toward the tiki butt. It's like one of those worry stones.
Sandra: Yeah, he's obviously been working out.
Hap: Heyooo!
Posted by: jenny at October 2, 2006 06:38 AM
A good-luck ass AND a bottle opener in one? Hot damn.
Posted by: heather anne at October 2, 2006 09:03 AM
If rubbing a brass lamp makes a genie appear in a waft of magical smoke, then rubbing a tiki butt? I afraid to imagine.
Posted by: peefer at October 2, 2006 09:19 AM
not only is it rock hard and bulbous, it appears to be shiny!
Posted by: margaret at October 2, 2006 11:31 AM
Oh no! Haven't you all learned ANYTHING from The Brady Bunch?!
Posted by: steph_s at October 2, 2006 03:33 PM
I think I dated that guy for awhile.
Posted by: viscountess of funk at October 2, 2006 07:14 PM
it will bring you good luck in the form of beer. sweeeeet!
Posted by: ms. sizzle at October 3, 2006 09:53 AM
Who doesn't love a tiki doll to open their brewskis? Have you named yours yet? You're so naughty Jen.
Posted by: egan at October 3, 2006 02:32 PM
Forget the ass, check out those chompers. Thing needs a tooth brush, stat!
Posted by: Dustin at October 3, 2006 03:37 PM
That's awesome!! I love practical presents. This is the gift that keeps on giving...
Posted by: teahouseblossom at October 5, 2006 09:51 PM
