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Design concept
and illustrations by kris dresen
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Crinklety crinklety crinklety.
Sift sift sift.
::pluck::
Chomp chomp chomp.
Smack.
Crinklety crinklety crinklety.
Shake shake shift.
::pluck::
Chew chomp chomp.
Smack.
Shake shake shake.
Crinklety crinklety shake.
::pluck::
Chomp chew chew.
Smack.
This was what I had to listen to the entire train ride home on Friday, while the young woman seated next to me sorted through her bag of “Cranny Banany” premium trail mix, turning it and twisting it and delicately mining her way past the banana chips, dried cranberries, and mango pieces to the bottom of the bag in order to find the honey roasted peanuts hidden within.
It took all my restraint and a few layers of enamel off my molars not to grab her by the shoulders and shake her while screaming, “Hey! I just heard about this awesome new trail mix I think you’ll just love. IT’S CALLED A BAG OF F*CKING PEANUTS! AAAARGGHHH!”
I think the cold weather is finally starting to break me.
Posted by runjenrun at March 9, 2008 10:47 AM
I'm convinced that no one would want to be on a train/plane/boat with me when someone does this. Were I super frustrated, I might....eh, I WOULD have looked at her and said, "Really? Do you have to chew that loudly?".
Posted by: Hilly at March 9, 2008 11:31 AM
At least on the train you can put on your headphones and crank the iPod. It's when morons like this sit behind you in the movie theater that you want to go postal.
Posted by: Dave2 at March 9, 2008 01:28 PM
Yeah, but the nutrition label on the back of peanuts isn't as good.
*heh*
Posted by: shari at March 9, 2008 02:06 PM
hilly: you know, it wasn't the chewing that drove me to the edge as much as the bag crinkling. thank god it was only a 15 minute ride.
dave2: true dat. that's what it felt like, though - someone at a theater opening a cough drop for 15 minutes straight.
shari: i swear, that's probably it! of course, that trail mix probably cost about 5x what a bag of peanuts would've cost...
Posted by: jenny at March 9, 2008 05:33 PM
Those are the same sounds that the homeless guy sitting at the table next to me in the coffee shop is making. Only he doesn't have trail mix. Make your own inferences.
Posted by: Pants at March 9, 2008 05:50 PM
It should be a law.
Crunchy food should be sold in tissue paper.
No, wait, that makes noise too...
Posted by: Miss Britt at March 9, 2008 08:40 PM
I see Dave already made the movie theater comment. BUT ... as I read this my first thought was that you were sitting in a theater someplace as crap like this always happens to me there. And it's people that bring in the extra noisy bags of stuff from home.
Posted by: delmer at March 9, 2008 09:37 PM
This happened to me just the other day -- at the library! I actually got up and moved a few tables away but I could still hear his crunching. What made it even more annoying was that he was sitting directly under the "No Eating" sign.
Posted by: Dingo at March 9, 2008 10:09 PM
This is a situation in which I probably would have tit punched her. Or just stared hard at her. It's pretty much the same thing, really.
Posted by: Tracy Lynn at March 10, 2008 10:26 AM
boy,can I ever relate. I went down to St Louis and there was no snow. It was amazing.
Posted by: churlita at March 10, 2008 04:27 PM
