Chapter Four – The Excess

[Chapter Six]
[Chapter Five]

By 7pm Saturday we were all wearing pajamas, eating Pecorino cheese on crusty French bread and drinking wine. I was in charge of firing up the grill while Dee-Dee prepped all the food she brought for our dinner. Over the next two hours, we ate:

• Filet mignon marinated in soy sauce and garlic
• Grilled broccoli
• Steamed zucchini
• Corn on the cob
• Mixed salad with goat cheese, oranges and pine nuts
• Crostini with garlic and olive oil
• And s’mores

After we polished off the second bottle of red, we all settled in front of the TV to watch a movie. Dee-Dee’s parents installed satellite TV in their cabin, so it took me close to 20 minutes to surf through the 189 channels of sports and the 45 Spanish channels to finally make it to the movie channels. As it turned out, there were three different stations that played nothing but The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes II all day long.

“Hey – The Hills Have Eyes is starting at 9:30. Let’s watch that.”

“Dee. We’re in a cabin in the north woods. We have no cell phone reception up here. There’s a 12-foot tall carving of an Indian with an axe standing next to the fireplace. If you honestly think I’m going to watch a horror movie involving people trapped in the middle of nowhere and being murdered, you’re out of your frickin’ mind.”

up north 124 a

“Why are you such a baby, Jenny? Scaredy cat.”

“Yeah, we’ll see who’s a scaredy cat when you wake up with Chief Slit-Ur-Throat hovering over your bed tonight. Oh, here we go! Let’s watch Less Than Zero.”

“Ugh! That movie is so depressing.”

“No it’s not. It’s good. It has Robert Downey Jr. in it. We’re watching it!”

[…20 minutes later…]

“Okay, are they supposed to be just out of college or high school?”

“High school.”

“Who drove vintage Corvettes, wore designer suits, owned giant houses and openly smoked crack at parties when they were 18?”

“Nat totally did.”

“Shut up, so did you.”

“It’s true. This movie really takes me back.”

[…30 minutes later…]

“Ohmigod! Why is there so much sex in this movie? What am I even looking at – is that his back or his stomach?”

“And who actually believes that Andrew McCarthy has had sex? Please.”

[…20 minutes later…]

“Oh – I remember this part. Robert Downey Jr. almost OD’s.”

“Uh, that’s the entire movie.”

“I would totally nurse him back to health. He just needs someone like me to take care of him. I would be just like Jami Gertz, but without the sleeping with Andrew McCarthy part.”

[…28 minutes later…]

“Wow. Great movie you picked, Jen. Now I can have nightmares about vomiting, bloody cocaine noses and prostitution.”

“No kidding!”

“Yeah. So… I guess I just didn’t remember quite how bad it was. Sorry ladies!”

“All right. I’m going to bed. We should all get up early so we can go for a walk in the woods before we have to leave tomorrow.”

“Sweet dreams!”

Up Next: Chapter Three – The Fishers

11 Responses to “Chapter Four – The Excess”

  1. sizzle Says:

    “And who actually believes that Andrew McCarthy has had sex? Please.”
    So true! I mean, have you SEEN how he kisses?! Ew. That’ll give a girl nightmares for sure.

  2. roy Says:

    Why are your chapter numbers going backwards? Is this like Memento?

  3. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    It just came to me…
    The last chapter is going to be called “Jen, Nat and Dee-Dee Meet the Blair Witch.” Right?

  4. jenny Says:

    sizzle: how he became a teen idol is beyond me. so, so gross.
    roy: exactly. i’ve got the entries tattooed all over my body so i don’t forget them.
    fiorello: oh, we tossed around quite a few “blair witch” jokes while we were up there!

  5. tiff Says:

    OHMYGOODNESS. I’m dying here. First with laughter, and then with anticipation of the next-most-recent chapter starting at the not-beginning.

  6. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Yeah, that movie was a total bummer. What made them think McCarthy could act?

  7. churlita Says:

    I don’t which movie would have been scarier. They’re probably about the same. Yeesh.

  8. Dustin Says:

    Sooooo before my time. Seriously, who does cocaine anymore?

  9. claire Says:

    You marinated filet mignon?!? What were you thinking? When you buy the good steak, you’re supposed to enjoy it’s luscious steak-i-ness.
    I just don’t understand people. Marinating is for the cheap stuff.

  10. jenny Says:

    tiff: please don’t die! the not-beginning will continue next week.
    tracy lynn: gawd – remember him in pretty in pink? he had that heinous bug-eyed look on his face through the whole movie. gak!
    churlita: well, i usually hate horror movies, so i still think i made the right choice. :)
    dustin: just lindsay lohan.
    claire: believe me – we enjoyed all the luscious steak-i-ness!

  11. Ariana Says:

    I loved Less Than Zero, bloody noses and all.

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