Goddamn 2010 Census

I’ve got to be honest – I really don’t appreciate the tone The 2010 Census is taking with me. I’ll answer my ten questions when I’m good and ready. Yeah, I know… I’ve seen the ads. My lack of participation is screwing things for all the other 39 year old white unmarried childless women out there, but I don’t even care. Just try to take away all our government funding for cat litter and box wine. I f*cking dare you! If anyone so much as thought about cutting our annual funds for retro-chic craft projects and skinny jeans that we knew were unflattering when we bought them but we bought them anyway, my people would rise up like a tsunami and level this country.

I’m *this* close to filing a restraining order against The 2010 Census. The post cards, the letters, the packets, the follow up letters, the second packet, the threats of legal action. What’s next? You gonna send Ed Begley over to my house to haul me off to jail in his solar car? Do you have any idea how many ironic folk renditions of classic pop songs we could have purchased on iTunes with the money you’re spending on postage alone? So many.

Frankly, I think this whole census thing is the reason I forgot to post the March 1960 Girl Scout calendar photo. The 2010 Census is screwing up my whole life! Laundry piling up? GODDAMN 2010 CENSUS! Taxes still due? GODDAMN 2010 CENSUS! Acid reflux? GODDAMN 2010 CENSUS! Computer crashed? GODDAMN 2010 CENSUS!

Well, I can’t let The 2010 Census ruin my life any longer. It’s time I took back control, so please accept these inspiring photos of sisters doing it for themselves as my sincerest apology. Goddamn 2010 census.

March 1960
March 1960
“The Investiture Ceremony is a high moment in a Girl Scout’s life… as she receives her official pin and repeats her Promise.”

April 1960
April 1960
“A spectacular display of poppies on this Arizona hillside makes a wonderful background for picture taking.”

February 1960

I can’t believe I almost let the month slip by without sharing this amazing scene from the 1960 Girl Scout calendar. I wasn’t even planning on earning my first aid badge, but now that I see how useful it can be, I’m reconsidering. If only I could get the cats to come out from under the bed…

February 1960
“Big sister assures him that his pet needs only a bit of first aid, and that the paw will be well in a short time.”

Random Acts of Kindness

As I met my friend Seamus outside his office last week to go to the movies, he handed me a package, sealed inside a clear plastic interoffice envelope.

“Here,” he said, shoving the envelope in my hands. “I don’t want any part in your illicit transactions.”

“What is this?”

“It’s from my coworker, Robin. He said to give this to you.”

I looked down at the package and my eyes widened as I spied the familiar logo stamped across the brown paper bag.

GS bag

“No way! Where did he get this?! How did he know I liked Girl Scouts? Wait… who’s Robin?”

“I think you might have seen his band play. I don’t know… I guess he reads your blog. Like I said, don’t try to drag me into your world.”

We hopped on the El and headed up to the theater. I carefully pulled the calendar out of the bag and let out a squeal as I saw the cover.

GS cover

It was an original 1960 Girl Scout Calendar in mint condition, and it was just glorious. After flipping through each month, I quickly put it back into the plastic sheath, safe from the grunting, dripping, elbowing savages all around me on the train. They wouldn’t understand.

This is the perfect guide to keep me on task as I navigate my way through the Year of the Badge. Each month, I will be inspired by the smiling faces of my sister Scouts as we all strive to live up to the Girl Scout code.

I’m only going to show you January right now, but seriously, you do NOT want to miss February. It’s so the best. Except for May – that one is totally the best. Ohmigod, I just looked at June again – I don’t even want to tell you what’s going on in June, but there’s a boy and a calf, and some Converse Chucks. And oh, man, I cannot WAIT to do what they’re doing in October. I’m not even sure if that’s legal in the city limits, but holy cats, is that going to be fun!

So stick around, because this year is just getting started. And thanks to the unexpected kindness and generosity of strangers, it’s already off to an amazing start. Thank you again, Robin! You are well on your way to earning your citizenship badge!


GS january
“So proud of their Flag at all times, but especially interested in the placement of the stars in the new Flag.”