Dream Sequence #1
April 23rd 10:00am EST
Oh man. What a crazy dream that was. Everyone was there!
There was Amanda, Ashbloem and Lillet, Barbara, Brandon, Colin, Cupcake and her friends, Curly, Dustin, Elle and her husband, Heather, Jenna and her friend Lulu, Jessica and her friend Leslie, Jill, Kat and her friend David, Michelle and Toby, Sandra, Sarah, even my good pal Vivian was there!
Oh, wow. And in my dream we were getting tattoos. How weird is that?
[looks down at arm]
What is that?
Oh my god!
Is it possible? It is! It happened – it all really happened!
Dream Sequence #2
April 23rd 10:00am EST – my actual dreams as recorded on the back of an envelope by Vivian’s futon.
1. I am drinking beer while sitting on the grass with two neighbors. Don Knotts sits next to me and asks if I have a bottle opener. We chat for a while. He is nice.
2. A blonde woman I’ve never met before gets into my cab. As soon as we get close to my neighborhood, she jumps out of the cab, takes her shirt off, and runs down the street.
3. I adopt two enormous primates – like baboons with gigantic fangs – one of which has no legs. I instantly regret my decision, but feel it’s too late to change my mind.
So what am I trying to say with all this? If these were my actual dreams post-TequilaCon, do you have any idea how fun that evening must have been? Let me begin:
Chapter One: The Preparation
I arrived in New York on Thursday night with a full schedule planned for Friday. My friend Vivian and I met up in the West Village with Jessica and her friend Leslie. From there, it was lunch, and a casual stroll through the area. Jess had never been to New York, so Viv was playing tour guide. We walked through the Village, Chinatown, Little Italy, SoHo. While in SoHo, we passed a store with skulls and dead animals and hides in the window, so of course we had to stop.
We went in and found bin after bin of bizarre items like dried puffer fish with pasted on googly eyes, artificial sharks teeth, and of course, bobcat toe bones for $3 each.
[Sidebar: I am seriously considering either changing the name of my blog to Bobcat Toe Bones, or starting a band by the same name.]
Just as we were leaving, we spotted a rack of suckers (I was later viciously ridiculed by the East Coasters for calling them suckers. “They’re lollipops!” they all screamed! To that I say, who are you people, Alfalfa and the Little Rascals Gang? “Well, gee Miss Crabtree, I brought you this lollipop ‘cause you’re my favorite teacher!” No wait – maybe you’re Willy Wonka? “I want a snozzberry lollipop and I want it right now!” I say it’s a sucker.)
Never one to pass up candy, I grabbed a couple, soon realizing that they were special “lollipops” – ones with bugs inside! There were crickets, and scorpions, and of course… tequila flavored suckers with an actual worm inside. YES! Icebreaker #1 complete! Jess and I bought a handful of them and headed out.
Earlier in the week, I had sent an email to Vivian that said simply: I need to find a store that sells temporary tattoos. I’m not exactly sure how or why, but Vivian knew exactly where to go – the stripper store. Just past the rack of CD’s like “Music to Strip By,” and “Sweet Sounds of Lap Dance,” she found a huge rack of temporary tattoos. I grabbed an assortment of fun and badass tatts and off we went. Icebreaker #2 complete! Now I would have a reason to manhandle every single blogger in the room – yes!
Chapter Two: The Worm Has Turned
Viv and I headed to Stout around 7:00pm and immediately ran into Brandon, Kat, her friend David, and Jill. They had scoped the place out and were on blogger lookout. After discovering that there was an amazing almost private room in the basement, we relocated to the lower level and staked our claim.
Bloggers began filing in and the party started going full force. I could tell this group needed no icebreakers, as the stories and drinks were flowing freely. At one point, I saw a man in a suit and tie sit down and I thought, “I don’t recognize him. Did I hire a consultant? I totally don’t remember doing that.” But then I heard someone say, “Hey – it’s Dustin!” and all was well. Brandon was a bit upset about the delicate 10:1 female to male ratio being disturbed, but seemed to recover quickly.
[Dustin, me, Brandon]
As I tried desperately to meet all the people who were there, I realized that it was probably time to bring out the props. I whipped out the bag of tequila-pops and set one down on each table. Assuming they would sit there merely as a conversation piece, I started to walk away from one of the tables when I heard the alarming crinkle of plastic. It was Michelle’s husband, Toby. My god – he’s really going to try it, isn’t he?
[Michelle and Toby]
Once I overcame my initial shock, and calmed down my stomach after Michelle’s description that, “It smells just like smoked Gouda cheese,” I felt a challenge coming on.
How many licks would it take to get to the wormi-roll center of a wormi-pop? We would soon find out.
Having never met Michelle or Toby before, I thought it might impress them if I pretended to bite into the sucker. Unfortunately, the tequila-pop I had selected had a worm very close to the surface, so pieces of dried worm flaked off into my mouth. I freaked out.
Since the flavor of the candy was unbearable, we decided to just see who could dissolve theirs first in a cup of water. Again, I was defeated as Toby proudly displayed the full wormage of his tequilapop. I tossed my sucker aside and ordered another beer.
Chapter Three: Tattoo You
Once the novelty of the worm pops had worn off, I looked over at Vivian and said, “Is it time for tattoos yet?”
She checked her watch and gave me the thumbs up. I pulled out another bag with the stripper tattoos and set up shop. It was a high class operation, involving alcohol wipes,
… precise timing,
… and a very steady hand.
Soon enough, this mild mannered group of bloggers turned into inked up bad asses.
The whole attitude of the evening changed at that point – people started doing shots,
[Brandon, Kat, Colin, me, Ashbloem]
… eating like savages,
… and pawing at each other like wild animals.
It was an out of control orgy with no regard for consequences… exactly what I had always dreamed it would be.
For me, the signal to the end of the evening was the bartender’s cry of last call, followed by the crashing of glass on the floor. Vivian and I cleared out our tab, said goodbye to the few die-hards who were heading next door to another bar, and hopped in a cab. During the ride home, my hand traced the tattoo on my arm, a temporary reminder of an unforgettable evening.
And all kidding aside, it was a spectacular night, I met some outstanding and talented people, and I can’t wait to do this all over again! And a special thanks to my friend Maggie for recommending Stout – it was a perfect location, and that basement bar is the best kept secret in New York… oh wait. Not so much anymore…
If you haven’t had enough, there are more photos here, and for a fair and balanced account of the evening, check out the sites of some of the other attendees above. I’m sure there will be many more stories to come!
Filed under: TequilaCon on April 24th, 2006 | 30 Comments »