Bobcat Toe Bones, or How I Learned to Love the Worm
Dream Sequence #1
April 23rd 10:00am EST
[rubs eyes]
Oh man. What a crazy dream that was. Everyone was there!
There was Amanda, Ashbloem and Lillet, Barbara, Brandon, Colin, Cupcake and her friends, Curly, Dustin, Elle and her husband, Heather, Jenna and her friend Lulu, Jessica and her friend Leslie, Jill, Kat and her friend David, Michelle and Toby, Sandra, Sarah, even my good pal Vivian was there!
Oh, wow. And in my dream we were getting tattoos. How weird is that?
[looks down at arm]
What the-?
What is that?
[looks closer]
Oh my god!
Is it possible? It is! It happened – it all really happened!
Dream Sequence #2
April 23rd 10:00am EST – my actual dreams as recorded on the back of an envelope by Vivian’s futon.
1. I am drinking beer while sitting on the grass with two neighbors. Don Knotts sits next to me and asks if I have a bottle opener. We chat for a while. He is nice.
2. A blonde woman I’ve never met before gets into my cab. As soon as we get close to my neighborhood, she jumps out of the cab, takes her shirt off, and runs down the street.
3. I adopt two enormous primates – like baboons with gigantic fangs – one of which has no legs. I instantly regret my decision, but feel it’s too late to change my mind.
So what am I trying to say with all this? If these were my actual dreams post-TequilaCon, do you have any idea how fun that evening must have been? Let me begin:
Chapter One: The Preparation
I arrived in New York on Thursday night with a full schedule planned for Friday. My friend Vivian and I met up in the West Village with Jessica and her friend Leslie. From there, it was lunch, and a casual stroll through the area. Jess had never been to New York, so Viv was playing tour guide. We walked through the Village, Chinatown, Little Italy, SoHo. While in SoHo, we passed a store with skulls and dead animals and hides in the window, so of course we had to stop.
We went in and found bin after bin of bizarre items like dried puffer fish with pasted on googly eyes, artificial sharks teeth, and of course, bobcat toe bones for $3 each.
[Sidebar: I am seriously considering either changing the name of my blog to Bobcat Toe Bones, or starting a band by the same name.]
Just as we were leaving, we spotted a rack of suckers (I was later viciously ridiculed by the East Coasters for calling them suckers. “They’re lollipops!” they all screamed! To that I say, who are you people, Alfalfa and the Little Rascals Gang? “Well, gee Miss Crabtree, I brought you this lollipop ‘cause you’re my favorite teacher!” No wait – maybe you’re Willy Wonka? “I want a snozzberry lollipop and I want it right now!” I say it’s a sucker.)
Never one to pass up candy, I grabbed a couple, soon realizing that they were special “lollipops” – ones with bugs inside! There were crickets, and scorpions, and of course… tequila flavored suckers with an actual worm inside. YES! Icebreaker #1 complete! Jess and I bought a handful of them and headed out.
Earlier in the week, I had sent an email to Vivian that said simply: I need to find a store that sells temporary tattoos. I’m not exactly sure how or why, but Vivian knew exactly where to go – the stripper store. Just past the rack of CD’s like “Music to Strip By,” and “Sweet Sounds of Lap Dance,” she found a huge rack of temporary tattoos. I grabbed an assortment of fun and badass tatts and off we went. Icebreaker #2 complete! Now I would have a reason to manhandle every single blogger in the room – yes!
Chapter Two: The Worm Has Turned
Viv and I headed to Stout around 7:00pm and immediately ran into Brandon, Kat, her friend David, and Jill. They had scoped the place out and were on blogger lookout. After discovering that there was an amazing almost private room in the basement, we relocated to the lower level and staked our claim.
Bloggers began filing in and the party started going full force. I could tell this group needed no icebreakers, as the stories and drinks were flowing freely. At one point, I saw a man in a suit and tie sit down and I thought, “I don’t recognize him. Did I hire a consultant? I totally don’t remember doing that.” But then I heard someone say, “Hey – it’s Dustin!” and all was well. Brandon was a bit upset about the delicate 10:1 female to male ratio being disturbed, but seemed to recover quickly.
[Dustin, me, Brandon]
As I tried desperately to meet all the people who were there, I realized that it was probably time to bring out the props. I whipped out the bag of tequila-pops and set one down on each table. Assuming they would sit there merely as a conversation piece, I started to walk away from one of the tables when I heard the alarming crinkle of plastic. It was Michelle’s husband, Toby. My god – he’s really going to try it, isn’t he?
[Michelle and Toby]
Once I overcame my initial shock, and calmed down my stomach after Michelle’s description that, “It smells just like smoked Gouda cheese,” I felt a challenge coming on.
How many licks would it take to get to the wormi-roll center of a wormi-pop? We would soon find out.
Having never met Michelle or Toby before, I thought it might impress them if I pretended to bite into the sucker. Unfortunately, the tequila-pop I had selected had a worm very close to the surface, so pieces of dried worm flaked off into my mouth. I freaked out.
Since the flavor of the candy was unbearable, we decided to just see who could dissolve theirs first in a cup of water. Again, I was defeated as Toby proudly displayed the full wormage of his tequilapop. I tossed my sucker aside and ordered another beer.
Chapter Three: Tattoo You
Once the novelty of the worm pops had worn off, I looked over at Vivian and said, “Is it time for tattoos yet?”
She checked her watch and gave me the thumbs up. I pulled out another bag with the stripper tattoos and set up shop. It was a high class operation, involving alcohol wipes,
[Barbara]
… precise timing,
[Kat, David]
… and a very steady hand.
Soon enough, this mild mannered group of bloggers turned into inked up bad asses.
[Ashbloem]
The whole attitude of the evening changed at that point – people started doing shots,
[Brandon, Kat, Colin, me, Ashbloem]
… eating like savages,
… and pawing at each other like wild animals.
[Jessica, Colin]
It was an out of control orgy with no regard for consequences… exactly what I had always dreamed it would be.
For me, the signal to the end of the evening was the bartender’s cry of last call, followed by the crashing of glass on the floor. Vivian and I cleared out our tab, said goodbye to the few die-hards who were heading next door to another bar, and hopped in a cab. During the ride home, my hand traced the tattoo on my arm, a temporary reminder of an unforgettable evening.
And all kidding aside, it was a spectacular night, I met some outstanding and talented people, and I can’t wait to do this all over again! And a special thanks to my friend Maggie for recommending Stout – it was a perfect location, and that basement bar is the best kept secret in New York… oh wait. Not so much anymore…
If you haven’t had enough, there are more photos here, and for a fair and balanced account of the evening, check out the sites of some of the other attendees above. I’m sure there will be many more stories to come!
Filed under: TequilaCon on April 24th, 2006
April 24th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Sounds like fun. I was, however, hoping the tattoos were real.
So do we get any photo IDs? I only know you, Sandra, and Jill. So I’m really in the dark about everyone else whose name you didn’t already list.
Any decisions about next year or are you still in the recovery phase from this year?
April 24th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Kevin: Added some tags – links to their sites are at the top of the entry. As for TC’07, we’ve got some definite ideas, but will need to get closer into the actual date before announcing anything. But think: west coast.
April 24th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
What fun! I still say those suckers tasted like smoked meat. STILL! :]
April 24th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
Wow! It had everything, I laughed, I cried… oh right. I wasn’t there. Nevermind.
April 24th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Uh, I had a great time and I really don’t like to complain but I was insufficently manhandled .
Next time yes?
April 24th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
OH, I was SO hoping the tatts were real, too! It sounds like you had so much fun, and no one got arrested! Yay!
April 24th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Mihow: The frightening thing is… THEY DID! As if having a worm in them weren’t bad enough!
Shari: Believe me, you were there. In fact, based on your post and your phone call, I think you might have had more to drink than I did… you drunk dialer, you!
Bebe: Insufficiently manhandled?! My sincerest apologies! Believe me – at TequilaCon ’07, there will more manhandling than you’ll care to remember…
Tracy Lynn: I know. As mine slowly fades away, I’m disappointed it’s not real, too.
April 24th, 2006 at 6:58 pm
Thanks again for organizing — you’re my new hero!
April 24th, 2006 at 7:25 pm
Am I a bad person because I left my “sucker” on the bar for Jessica (the bartender) to find later?
April 24th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
No, Dustin…most of the men there were trying to leave their suckers on the bar for Jessica.
I’m sorry – did I type that out loud?
April 24th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
i call them suckers too.
it sounds like you had so much fun. i hope i can come next year. i hear your talents are limitless as previously suspected. hee hee. yay you!!
April 24th, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Sandra: It was my pleasure, and right back at ya, supermodel!
You must make TC07 – I suspect it will be much closer to home for you.
Dustin: That was you?! Yeah, at the end of the night she said, “Um, guys? Can I throw this away? It’s really making me sick.” Nice.
Jessica: Yeah, she was one popular girl, wasn’t she?
Sizz: Were your ears burning? Because I was talking about you w/ Sandra.
April 24th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
dear jenny,
good stuff.
i can’t even tell you how i missed being there, but you make me feel much better with your excellent storytelling…
i want vivian as a friend too!
she obviously rocks.
love,
jaymarie
(a la vivian)
April 25th, 2006 at 9:54 am
I can’t believe I had to miss it. It sounds like you all had a BLAST! And I always wanted a tattoo! I PROMISE I will do everything in my power to make the next one.
April 25th, 2006 at 10:23 am
As I posted on Jessica’s site, I hope that you’ll consider hosting 2007’s bash a little further north. Just think: TequilaCon ’07: TequilaCAN!
Who could resist such a locale? (Promise. Sween and I will behave. A little.)
April 25th, 2006 at 10:41 am
Oooooo….”TequilaCAN”!!! Me likey!!!
April 25th, 2006 at 10:59 am
Jaymarie: Glad you found some comfort in these photos. And yes, Vivian does indeed rock. Like a hurricane, in fact.
Deni: So, so sorry you weren’t able to make it as well! Hope you can make the next one!
Mike: Interestingly, Vancouver was in the running for TC06. They just didn’t have the infrastructure and security measures we needed to give them the bid. Perhaps in ’07…
Communicatrix: And what are you gonna do when you get thrown into a Canadian prison after punching a Mounty? Good thing I can kind of speak French. “Non… Colleen est bloggeuse. Bloggeuse. Oui. Elle ecrit un blog.”
April 25th, 2006 at 11:07 am
I agree that Bobcat Toe Bones is an excellent band name. Can my new band Wormi-Pop open for you?
P.S. West Coast! West Coast! West Coast!
April 25th, 2006 at 11:29 am
Thanks for being the ringleader, Jenny! You rock.
April 25th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Dear Jenny,
I was so inspired by meeting all of your talented blog friends that I have decided to start a blog of my own. It will be in epistolary form, contain responses to stories you tell and perhaps an occasional mention of celebrity sightings, and may be found under Post A Comment on RunJenRun. So look for me here y’all– I’m jumping on the blog train.
Love,
Vivian
April 25th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Dear Vivian,
“P.S.” – I’m so glad you’ve opted to join the dark forces of the blogging underworld!
Love,
Jessica
April 25th, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Cheryl: Are you kidding? Wormi-Pop is doing the world tour with Bobcat Toe Bones. We’re gonna have a badass tour bus – tattoos for EVERYONE!
Jill: I knew my love of Excel spreadsheets would come in handy one day. Thanks for making it so much fun!
Vivian: Your blog has always been one of my absolute favorites! But hey! What the heck happened to my guarantee of three celebrity sightings per trip to NYC? Did we see any? Guess I’ll have to come back soon…
April 25th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
It is with great reluctance that I admit my curls were no match for yours or Dustin’s. I even walked in the rain to present maximum volume. Other than this, TequilaCon06 was a complete and utter success. Another amazing event, runjenrun.
Though sadly, there was no holding of the hair.
TequilaConPacNW in 2007!
(Oh, maybe i was intoxicated, but did we add a committee member? I remember holding secret council with you at one point, but the details, much like the rest of the evening, are a bit fuzzy…)
April 25th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
This is me. : (
Sad because I missed it. Because I was out of town. And I like tequila. Well, I like vodka more…but that’s not really the point. And I have a real tattoo. But, I totally would’ve let you “tat” me with one’a yers, too. And worms gross me out. But, I call them “suckers”, too.
And I missed it all. *sigh*
Glad you had such a great time!
April 25th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man
That was so great.
You are so great.
And isn’t there a photo of me ACTUALLY BITING WORM somewhere?
Blech.
April 26th, 2006 at 12:24 am
Brandon: Oh, I don’t know about that. I have a photo of the back of your hair, and it puts me to shame. I think you just flat iron your bangs. And yes, there was a secret council, but I don’t recall any final decisions…
Allison: See! I needed you there – I was totally in the sucker minority! There’s always TC’07!
Ash: It really was great, wasn’t it? I was a bit giddy after meeting all of you. And yes, the worm biting photo exists, but it’s just not safe for work. Check your email…
April 26th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
I like how all your links at the top of this post are in alphabetical order. You are a little goddess of organization. I want to be like you.
April 26th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
You really are the fun-bringer Jenny Amadeo. I’m glad I know you. I’m sad I missed you. I’m thrilled to see you sooner than I’d thought but if you bring one of those lollip. . . er suckers to Atlanta, I’ll report you to immigration for illegal traffic of fauna. Yes, I will. Because for true southerner, Chicago might as well be another country. And I could convince them it is.
April 28th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
I’m such a sell-out, but I kind of want to get a Nike swoosh tattoo. I saw one on this guy’s chest at the gym and it looked sooooo hot. Of course, the guy had some nice pecs which helped too.
May 1st, 2006 at 7:50 am
Hi~
Bobcat toebones, must hit that shop next time I’m in NYC.
How did I miss what sounds like the blogging party of the century, if not the month anyways?
Always on the fringes looking back am I…