Au revoir, mes amis!

Comment dit-on, “bail bondsman” en français?

I’m asking because my friends Natasha, Dee-Dee, Dee’s sister Marcy and I are all heading off to Paris this week for our first ever international vacation together. I anticipate lots of delicious food, excellent wine, mispronounced French, poor clothing choices, overpacked suitcases, sore feet and quite likely, a visit to the American Consulate at some point to seek asylum.

I’m actually hopeful that the fact that both Dee-Dee and Marcy lost their passports this weekend (and later found) will mean that they got it out of their systems and won’t lose them while we’re in Paris. To be on the safe side, Natasha and I are going to make them wear those touristy neck bags under their clothing.

Assuming all goes well, I’ll be back next week with stories and photos. Or assuming all goes REALLY well, I will never come back because I will have been offered an apprenticeship at a vineyard in Burgundy.

À bientôt!

Loves me not

loves me not

Good thing I own a lot of hats

What I said: “I’m trying to grow it out, so I want to keep the length, but it needs to be shaped a bit.”

What she said: “Sounds great! But your hair is really dense, so I’m going to thin it out a bit and give you more structure.”

What she meant: “I’m going to give you a mullet.”

It looked all right when I left the salon, a little shaggier than I had expected, but it was fine. What I learned, however, is that without a $5,000 futuristic hair dryer and an assistant named Rosie who gently pulled my hair down while diffusing it, the home-version of my hairdo would look like Carol Brady with a perm.

I see a lot of headbands in my future…

Sick

sick

Shrouded

shrouded

Lesson

lesson

Repairs

I think I might be stalking someone. Several people, really. It’s not intentional, I swear. Sometimes stalking just happens. Sometimes you just keep running into the same people. Once is baseline, twice is coincidence, but three times begins to get suspicious. This is the third time I’ve seen them.

I’m pretty sure they’re elevator repairmen. About eight of them. Sometimes I eat lunch at a food court, sometimes they eat lunch at the same food court. That’s all it is. They all sit together. They are loud, with their thick Chicago accents. They laugh throughout lunch. Their uniforms are all slightly different – some wear coveralls, others wear t-shirts and pants. Some are dark green, others are lighter green. They swear and give each other a hard time. Their hands are kind of grimy. Not unwashed grimy, but grimy from the kind of dirt that seeps into your skin and can only be removed by long sessions with Lava soap.

I think I want to hang out with them.

Yesterday, as they got up to leave, one of the guys forgot his goggles on the back of his chair so I waved over to his friend to let him know. He was confused, and kept his distance.

“Your buddy,” I yelled, because surely they don’t call each other friends, “Your buddy left his glasses on the chair.” I held my hands up to my eyes like glasses.

“Oh, no! Thanks!” he smiled.

The skinny one’s uniform tells me his name is Dino. He’s Sicilian and looks like a younger, more attractive Steve Buscemi. Someone at the table says that Sicilians aren’t Italian. Dino says, “That’s racist!” and punches him on the arm, laughing.

I can’t explain why I’m so intrigued. I feel like these are guys you can count on. I don’t know anything about elevator repair, but it must be pretty physical work because they all look strong. Even the white-haired guy looks like he could lift a car off of you.

Most are barrel-chested and broad shouldered, but even the smaller guys have that wiry strength about them. They eat three hot dogs each or two burritos and a hamburger, and drink 32 ounce Cokes – manly Chicago appetites that can’t be sated by individual servings. They have tattooed forearms, but deep, crinkly laugh lines around their eyes. Maybe they like their jobs, maybe they hate them. They like each other, that’s clear.

They talk about work, what they did over Labor Day, how the girl at Jamba Juice flirts with them, when their kids are finally going to move out. Then someone eventually looks at his watch, leans back in his chair to stretch and says it’s time to get back to work.

I want to hang out with them.

I don’t think it’s officially stalking if we just happen to eat lunch in the same food court at the same time. I don’t follow them to see where they go after they leave (out the lower level exit). And it’s not like I Google their company and search for job openings (collections manager in Springfield). And even if I did, it only starts treading into creepy territory if I were to take photos of them while they eat. As long as I don’t cross that line, I think I’m fine.

repairs

Cornucopia

cornucopia

Beer and Smoking in Las Vegas

I really should have done a lot of things last night after returning from a long weekend in Las Vegas with three of my most favorite people on Earth, like grocery shopping, or laundry, or writing recaps, or uploading photos, or sleeping. But instead, I found two Mad Men DVDs waiting in my mailbox, so this simple photo is all I can do for now. More later!

Gonzo

Arcade

arcade