Star Gazing
One of my favorite pastimes is people watching. I’m what they call a people person – I like people a lot. I like to watch people, I like to look at people, I like to eyeball people, I like to stare at people. I like doing all kinds of these things with people. I guess I just really like people.
And there’s no better place to spend time with people than New York City, home to some eight million inhabitants. The best part about people watching in New York is that there’s a very good chance that some of the people you’re watching are famous. As some of you may know, the Latin term for people watcher is Homos Opticus, and as any good H.O. can tell you, it’s much more rewarding to watch celebrities than to watch the general population. I mean, if I want to stare at some working class schlub with ill-fitting jeans and frizzy hair, I’ve got a full-length mirror and all the time in the world.
On my recent trip to New York, celebrity sighting topped my list of things to do, and Vivian guaranteed that she could deliver. Vivian has a frightening ability to spot celebrities from a great distance, despite the clever techniques they may use to disguise themselves. She loves to tell me about all the celebrities she sees on a daily basis:
“Lenny Kravitz lives in that building. Sarah Jessica Parker and Hilary Swank both live down that street. I saw Courtney Love get hounded by paparazzi in that store. Salma Hayek ate lunch right next to me last week.”
The list went on and on, so clearly, my expectations were high for this trip. I had a notepad with me at all times, and kept a running log of the celebrities we encountered:
Day One
Some guy from some soap commercial
Day Two
A part-time anchorwoman from CNN
Day Three
“Okay, Viv – what the hell is going on, here? You promised me famous people, and I get a guy who played the sleepy husband in a Zest commercial from 1997? And I don’t have cable, so how do I even know that woman is on CNN?”
“Just trust me, will you? These two are just priming the pump. Patience, my dear. Patience.”
And then it began. From across a crowded street, we saw our first real celebrity.
Viv grabbed my arm and leaned in, “Over there, talking to the woman in the hat? That’s that guy who did the Michael Jackson documentary, Deepak Chopra.”
“You mean Martin Bashir?”
“Yeah! That’s him.”
I squinted, as we crossed the street, and said, “Oh, yeah. It is him! Okay, he’s famous. And timely, given the trial and all. Okay, he definitely counts.”
So I wrote his name down in my journal of celebrities. Any H.O. worth her salt will tell you that you need to keep accurate records of all your celebrity sightings, in order to establish migratory patterns, observe their socialization habits, and identify mating behavior.
Later that evening, we went out for dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Vivian’s neighborhood, but were a little disappointed at the long wait. But it was cold out, and we were hungry for fajitas, so we decided to stick around. Suddenly, Vivian turned to me and gave me the wide-eyed, “Don’t look now, but there’s a celebrity next to me” look. I played it cool, because I was in New York, and casually peered over Viv’s shoulder to see none other than the hilarious star who got his first big break on Bosom Buddies!!!!
No, it wasn’t Tom Hanks.
But it was none other than that other hilarious star who got his first big break on Bosom Buddies, Peter Scolari! Right there! Eating chicken enchiladas and sipping iced tea with a group of friends. He totally seemed like the kind of guy you would want to hang out with while eating chicken enchiladas.
Day Four:
Day four brought the mother lode of celebrity sightings. After another long day of museums, gag reflexes, and shoe shopping, we hopped on the subway to go back to Vivian’s apartment. A voice came over the intercom, telling us that, for some unintelligible reason, we all had to get off at the next stop, because the train was skipping the three stops after that.
Everyone grumbled and groaned, but fortunately, it was only one stop early for us, so we didn’t have to walk too far. As the droves of people climbed up the stairs, I noticed Viv zeroing in on someone. When we got off the train, she grabbed my sleeve and said the words that any card carrying H.O. could wait a lifetime to hear: “Jenny. Be cool. It’s Shandi from America’s Next Top Model!”
I couldn’t believe it at first, so I had to get a better look. She was walking in the same direction as we were, so I picked up the pace, sidled up next to her, and casually glanced over. It was unmistakably Shandi! And what I’m about to tell you will rock the entire modeling world, and possibly put Tyra Banks out of a job: Shandi is only 5’8” at BEST! I consulted the official ANTM website, which claims that she is 5’10” – ha! LIARS! Now I’m not even sure I believe she worked at a Walgreen’s prior to being discovered. Everything I knew to be true is false.
All in all, I considered this to be one of my more successful people watching experiences. And for all you aspiring H.O.’s out there, don’t give up just because you run across a few too many D-List celebrities. As Vivian taught me, success in this sport requires patience, dedication, a pocket-sized notebook, and a friend with really keen eyes.
Filed under: Postcards from New York on March 28th, 2005
March 28th, 2005 at 10:24 am
a friend with really keen eyes
I dunno, but if your eyesight sucks, it seems to me you’d see celebrities everywhere. Hey, there goes Brando now… no wait, that’s Elvis … no? damn, it was Marilyn Monroe!
March 28th, 2005 at 11:23 am
I loved watching Bosom Buddies!
I’m so horrible with faces, I would either not recognize them or suspect everyone wearing a baseball cap.
March 28th, 2005 at 12:18 pm
Disappointing about Shandi. That really sucks. Stupid reality liars and their lieing lies. Pack of swindlers and prevaricators. I hate them. But I LOVE ANTM, Tyra and of course, Janice. Janince who’s so fabulously fabulous that I couldn’t help but read her autobiography. Her autobiography that’s REALLY good. Seriously. Suprising, I know!
Last time I was in NYC I had tickets to see Chicago (the play) and was kind of turned around, couldn’t find the theatre, was walking down the street feeling like a tourist loser, when I spotted the Taye Diggs (aka Billy Flynn) — SO beautiful. SO short. — walking toward me. So I let him pass, turned immediately on my heel and followed him to the theatre. A wonderful actor AND a more than sufficient MapQuest substitute. Also saw Harrison Ford WITH Calista Flockhart. And my uncle once peed next to Sylvester Stallone.
March 28th, 2005 at 12:29 pm
R: Hmm. You bring up a good point. Maybe that really was Deepak Chopra!
A: As a general rule, you should always suspect everyone in a baseball cap of something.
J: Okay, you did NOT read Janice Dickinson’s autobiography!! Tell me everything! How many facelifts has she had? Did she sleep with Versace? I’m buying it immediately.
March 28th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
Dear Jenny,
On my way to work on Friday, at the 42nd Street subway station, I walked right by Coco from Fame. Not Irene Cara, but the TV Coco, Erica Gimpel.
Wish you were here!
Love, Vivian
March 28th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Of course,working in Central London as I do,I see famous people all of the time,even more excitingly,have them coming into my shop,although it’s fair to say that 99% of them mean diddly-squat outside of the UK…for example:Martin Freeman,Lenny Henry,Stewart Lee,Anna Friel….???…they’re all household names over here anyway.And I sold ‘em all books.Anna Friel was a particular highlight – of my life – as she is one of the most beautiful women ever to walk the Earth,and she came into MY shop and was served by ME (as I elbowed everyone else out of the way to do so)…on a more Worldwide scale,I also had Sophie Marceau come into my shop,which was obviously exciting,but it seems to be my friends who get all of the luck.My friend Gina served Quentin Tarantino just two weeks ago,my friend Gavin once met Terence Stamp (TERENCE STAMP!!!!) and my flatmate Markus once served Malcolm McDowell.But the winner has to be my other flatmate Jim,who until recently worked in a shop on Dean St in London,and was seeing famous people every day,which surprised me,as even I wasn’t seeing them EVERY DAY…until we realised that his shop was literally next door to the Groucho Club (a place where stars go to hang out),so that was that;a couple of years ago,he worked on High Street Kensington,where,again,you can barely move for famous people,and once served Jimmy Page (who bought a book about Spinal Tap!)…and one time,I was talking to him on the phone,when he suddenly said,”Fuck me,guess who’s just walked into the shop?”…it was Mick Jones from The Clash.The Clash being my favourite band of all time,I asked myself,”How quickly could I make it from the East End to High Street Ken?”
March 28th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Of course,working in Central London as I do,I see famous people all of the time,even more excitingly,have them coming into my shop,although it’s fair to say that 99% of them mean diddly-squat outside of the UK…for example:Martin Freeman,Lenny Henry,Stewart Lee,Anna Friel….???…they’re all household names over here anyway.And I sold ‘em all books.Anna Friel was a particular highlight – of my life – as she is one of the most beautiful women ever to walk the Earth,and she came into MY shop and was served by ME (as I elbowed everyone else out of the way to do so)…on a more Worldwide scale,I also had Sophie Marceau come into my shop,which was obviously exciting,but it seems to be my friends who get all of the luck.My friend Gina served Quentin Tarantino just two weeks ago,my friend Gavin once met Terence Stamp (TERENCE STAMP!!!!) and my flatmate Markus once served Malcolm McDowell.But the winner has to be my other flatmate Jim,who until recently worked in a shop on Dean St in London,and was seeing famous people every day,which surprised me,as even I wasn’t seeing them EVERY DAY…until we realised that his shop was literally next door to the Groucho Club (a place where stars go to hang out),so that was that;a couple of years ago,he worked on High Street Kensington,where,again,you can barely move for famous people,and once served Jimmy Page (who bought a book about Spinal Tap!)…and one time,I was talking to him on the phone,when he suddenly said,”Fuck me,guess who’s just walked into the shop?”…it was Mick Jones from The Clash.The Clash being my favourite band of all time,I asked myself,”How quickly could I make it from the East End to High Street Ken?”
March 29th, 2005 at 6:13 pm
“.. Day One: Some guy from some soap commercial.”
Just for the record, my Uncle Charlie was in a dishwasher soap commercial inthe 70s. Hapless, un-dishwahser-safe husband is fooled by uppity Chinese housemaid, revealed by domestic goddess wife. Punchline: “Ancient Chinese Secret, eh?”
Also, the Leo Cabalka, uncle of a family in our neighborhood growing up, was the guy in the boat in the Tid-E-Bowl commercials of the late 70s.
So I got your celebrities right here.
March 31st, 2005 at 1:49 am
Last year, I sat next to Mickey Rourke backstage at a concert and talked to him while playing with his dog for the longest time….without realizing it was him.
I was so retarded, I said “Are you one of the musicians?” Friggin’ IDIOT.
I also saw Randy Jackson that same night. He called someone “Dawg” and I smiled inside.
April 1st, 2005 at 10:35 am
I love Peter Scolari! I may have come apart altogether… I think my huge crush on him on “Newhart” may have had something to do with my husband selection.