Weekly Opinion Poll: Fashion Police

In keeping with last week’s fashion-themed poll, I wanted to talk about a serious problem that I feel has become epidemic in our nation. One of the main reasons I left the rolling hills of the Wisconsin countryside was to escape this frightening clothing trend begun by savages, but little did I know that in the bustling metropolis of Chicago, I would be exposed to this horror on a daily basis. I am, of course, referring to the wearing of flip-flops to work.
Every day, since May 1st, I have been unwillingly exposed to the near-nude feet of commuters and colleagues, strangers and friends. I take a deep breath as I step off the elevator each morning, knowing that it is only a matter of seconds before I will hear the dreaded slap slap slap of plastic on bare heel.
I just don’t understand when flip-flops crossed over from pre-teen beach attire to acceptable professional office wear. Where was I, and why didn’t I start a petition? I will readily admit that part of my issue is due to the fact that I have a slightly neurotic dislike of feet. I don’t like my own feet. I don’t like anyone’s feet. Sure, they serve a purpose, but so does my bladder. It doesn’t mean I’m going to put a glass bubble in my stomach so you can all witness its unrivaled capacity for urine storage.
At what point is enough enough? When will people feel their feet are sufficiently exposed? Oh wait – I’ve got an idea! Maybe I think that the little flip-flop strap in between my toes is too restricting, so how about I just cut out some footprint shaped pieces of duct tape and slap them onto the bottom of my feet? What? These are my new shoes now. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Jenny’s feet gotta be nude.
And now that you mention it, sometimes shirts really bother me, too. They don’t let my body breathe enough, so I think from now on I’m just going to wear pasties to work. Something tasteful, like a nice corporate navy blue. I won’t go crazy and wear tassels, except on casual Fridays.
But I don’t want to discriminate – you men should have these same rights. In fact, I can certainly imagine that those Dockers start to really chafe after wearing them all day, so I’m going to propose that men start wearing loincloths to work. God, everyone seems so much happier here now!
Shortly thereafter, we will all lose the ability to speak, and monkeys will once again rule the earth.
So let this serve as a cautionary tale to all you flip-flop wearing corporate job people. Unless you want to be called Bright Eyes by a bunch of machine-gun toting gorillas while they lead you around on a leash and force you to mate with each other, put on some damn shoes!
And without further ado, I give you this week’s Weekly Opinion Poll:
Question: What fashion trend do you find the most annoying (write-ins accepted)?
A. Flip-flops to work
B. Men wearing no socks and boat shoes
C. Neckerchiefs
D. Livestrong bracelets (or any knock-off variation thereof)
E. Top ‘o the butt crack tattoo
F. White shoes after Labor Day
PS – I’m heading off to Washington DC for work this weekend, so I won’t see you until next Wednesday. Please be good!

17 Responses to “Weekly Opinion Poll: Fashion Police”

  1. Steve Says:

    Hey, I’M from DC! Neat!
    I have a write-in. I thought we, as a society, had moved past this, but I still see it all the time: people (typically men) wearing socks with sandals, ESPECIALLY older men wearing black socks with sandals. My god, why does anyone think this is acceptable? Like sandals or not, they serve the notable purpose of exposing one’s feet. If this purpose is stripped from them, they lose their essence and, essentially, cease to function in an advanced society. Do your part to save fashion and hit anyone you see wearing this.

  2. Robert Says:

    As someone with nerve damage in both feet, I’m guilty of wearing socks with sandals (occasionally), but I wear hiking socks, not support hose :-)
    I can’t stand the boat shoes and no socks, especially when accompanied by a gold chain and a prominent belly.

  3. nicole Says:

    Oh those “benefit” wrist bracelets dive me bonkers. They’re up there with the ribbon magnets. The whole point is moot now because they have them for everything – the St. Louis Cardinals even have them! Gahhhh.
    I tried my hardest in college to get pearls as a huge fashion trend. I gave up when the lady from Will & Grace had more clout. So now it’s on to aprons as a fashion accessory. We’ll see how that goes.

  4. Junebug Says:

    Ooooh, that is a toughie. I am having a hard time deciding between the boat shoes/no socks and the rubbery bracelets. I am probably going to have to go with the bracelets… mostly because my boss wears one to show support for our state university’s big money donors…. ummmm??? WTF?

  5. Strode Says:

    I hate the flip-flop workers! Drives me bonkers. Gonna miss ya. Enjoy DC.

  6. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    Hmmm, it’s a definite emotional tug-o-war between the white shoes and the butt crack tattoo…OK, it’s the butt crack tattoo. Actually, unless you are a WWII veteran and have a tattoo of an “anchor” or “MOM” in a heart, I don’t want to see any tattoos. Ugh.

  7. Jessica Says:

    I vote for the flipped up collar. Yes, I have a colleague who still does that – in spite of the fact that it is 2005.
    Jen – if we get together for drinks in November, I promise to leave my flip flops at home.

  8. Jenny Says:

    S: Ooh – black socks w/ sandals. Good one, especially if the socks are pulled all the way up!

    R: Gold chain? Belly? Now we’re talking! SEX-AY!

    N: I’ve seen pics of your aprons on your site – they’re FABULOUS! Everyone should be wearing them!

    J: Wait – did your boss get the bracelet for donating big bucks? Wow – universities have really gotten cheap with the thank-you gifts…

    S: Aww, thanks! Wish I had more time to see DC, but alas, work, work, work.

    F: I can get you the address of a nice VFW where you’ll find plenty of “Mom” and Popeye anchor tattoos. I agree, they have some strange appeal…

    J: Preppy collar doesn’t bother me so much – kind of retro-chic. And yes, I’d probably skip the flip-flops in winter in Chicago – your feet will thank you.

  9. hooizz Says:

    1. flip flops with the one to two inch heels. c’mon! its flipping sandal for god sake!
    2. flip flops with the super thick 3-5 inch sole (not just the heel). you’re short. deal with it.
    3. flip flops at work (ONLY IF women can wear them, but guys can not). i call BS.
    so i guess that means my vote is for flip flops. ha!

  10. AB Says:

    As much as the tomboy in me would love to spend my workday sporting flipflops, it drives me nuts whenver someone actually does it!
    I think they became “work appropriate” when someone attached a tiny heel to it. That does NOT raise the flip-flop out of it’s uber-casual status.

  11. trisha Says:

    Flip-flops. Flip-flops at work, at home, anywhere.
    And why can’t we call them thongs? Flip-flops make us all sound just STUPID.

  12. Sarge Says:

    Definitely flip-flops. Everyone feels like they need to expose their feet. I have seen some ugly feet out there. I really don’t know what some of these people are thinking. Put those f’ing things away please. Do you ever see me wearing sandals or flip-flops or anything open-toed? I didn’t think so. My ladyfriend wears open-toed shoes and I accidentally step on her feet. I am clumsy. She should know better to protect her feet from my step-upons. And I hate that slap slap slap also.
    I’m not super-crazy about the bracelets either, but I did see a guy auctioning one on U-Bay that came with two Cubs tickets. It was his way of getting around the scalping laws. In that case, bracelets are cool.

  13. Dean Says:

    I got no problem with flip-flops in general, and I think Jen is unfair to all the free spirited souls,(perhaps “soles” is a more appropriate spelling) who trudge around in them. I mean, is it really just to lump all barely there footwear into one category? What about the dress flip-flop, the biz-casual flip-flop, the outdoor, hiking flip-flop. Let’s have a little nuance here.
    Indeed, it seems to me the most interesting question Jen’s story touches upon has gone unraised: How did she develop this crippling foot-phobia that now burdens her so? Perhaps, Jen, you’d like to share?
    Of the choices listed, I’d say the butt-crack tatoo is the most annoying. Whenever I see a woman with some indecipherable code scratched into her back, I just assume it’s directions to her trailer park in case she’s ever found face down and unconscious in some lonely alley.

  14. John Says:

    The tattoo every time.
    Truly awful, and in fifteen years the laser surgery for the blue inky blob will be both painful and in your country expensive. In mine, you can have it on the National Health Service, if you can demonstrate psychological damage. It really is the ultimate Chav adornment. Visit chavscum.co.uk to understand the phenomenon
    You haven’t included another fashion sin – running shoes at work, which has crept over here England) from your country. For work there are two acceptable kinds of shoe brogues (black) or Oxfords (black); at the weekend brown ones may be worn.
    Rule can be varied slightly for women I suppose…..

  15. teahouseblossom Says:

    Yeah, I hate flip flops girls with a passion that is unrivaled. And I think women walk awkwardly when they wear flip flops. It makes their feet look particularly ugly and flipper-like.

  16. MommyCool Says:

    I think A is the case, unless they look like sandals (which I haven’t seen). You and my husband are in sinc on these thoughts!

  17. Pearl V. Says:

    Hi, I dont want to be too serious here but what is all the fuss about? More power to the flip-flops.My friend of 40+ years and my 30 something son were both horrified by me wearing closed up walking shoes downtown Chicago.I am a diabetic and I wear shoes for comfort and protection not style.Bet my doctor is happy to know.My friend always wore “Proper style shoes” but she had major bunion surgery.I wish I had the nerve to wear flip-flops.I am 67 years young and my feet are still in good shape.I want to keep them that way. PS.The butt-crack tattoo amazes me but I am not judging.Styles come and go.There are more earth-shattering things to worry about.What will be the next trend?.Can’t wait! Pearl V.