Weekly Opinion Poll: Two Thumbs Down

From: Seamus
To: Jenny
Subject: Karaoke

Hey – are you in for karaoke tonight? We’re going at 9:00. Don’t disappoint me again!
From: Jenny
To: Seamus
Subject: Re: Karaoke

So… here’s the thing. I’ve got to work a tradeshow tonight and there’s a late night cocktail reception deal afterwards. Corporate stuff. Lots of suits. Don’t think I’ll get out in time. Sing something pretty for me.
PS – Stop yelling at me!
From: Seamus
To: Jenny
CC: Natasha
Subject: Fwd: Re: Karaoke

I don’t know why I even bother. You are tipping the scales in LFQ right now. That’s Lame Friend Quotient. Who do you think you are? You’ve let us all down.
Nat – I’m really frustrated with Jenny’s lack of participation. She doesn’t go to karaoke. She didn’t come to my Jim Jarmusch movie marathon. I’ve decided to host a film festival in her honor called “Films Jenny Hates.” I’m going to pay her $100 to sit through it. Be there.
From: Jenny
To: Seamus
CC: Natasha
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Karaoke

I think I can already name two movies you’ll put on the “Films Jenny Hates” lineup. But really, why would you do that? If I’m so lame, why do you even want to hang out with me? Maybe you’re really high on the STMWTDQ (that’s Stop Telling Me What To Do Quotient). Did you ever think of that?
PS – Let’s not fight anymore, okay?

So this is where my friendship with Seamus stands right now. He has resorted to paying me for my companionship, yet simultaneously wants to punish me during our time together. I’m starting to think we might need counseling.
He did get me thinking, though, about what movies might make the Films Jenny Hates Film Festival. Because here’s the thing – I swear that I don’t try to be contrary, but there are just certain movies that the whole world loves, and that everyone swears I will adore, but that I just despise. One prime example? It’s a Wonderful Life.
I will admit that I’ve never suffered through the entire movie, but I’ve seen at least an hour of it, and honestly, when Jimmy Stewart is running down the street screaming “Merry Christmas everyone! Merry Christmas!” at the end, it makes me want to go all Elvis and shoot out the TV while popping sleeping pills and eating a fluffernutter sandwich.
[Ironically, I adore the movie, Miracle on 34th Street. I mean, come on! How can anyone resist that adorable little Natalie Wood?]
Another hobby of Seamus’ is doing his imitation of Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman because it quite literally pushes me to the brink of madness. At least once every couple months, something will remind him of this movie and he’ll immediately start staring out into space, pretending to be blind, and quoting the lines, “Got your head so caught up in the sugar business, you forgot the taste of real honey.”
“I’m too old. I’m too tired. I’m too fuckin’ blind.”
Or simply
“Hoo ha!”
So all this to say, being called out for my own lameness, and the threat of having to watch my least favorite movies made me remember that it is HIGH time for another Weekly Opinion Poll! It’s been ages since I’ve heard what you all think, so now is your chance.
Question: Which critically-acclaimed, perennial fan favorite movie makes you want to scream, “What is wrong with you people?! This movie is a colossal piece of crap!” while ripping out fistfuls of your own hair?
A. It’s a Wonderful Life
B. Scent of a Woman
C. Garden State (Must. Kill. Natalie Portman.)
D. Swimming Pool (Foolishly bought this on DVD based on positive reviews alone. $17.99 and two hours of my life I’ll never get back again.)
E. Vanilla Sky (Must. Kill. Tom Cruise.)
F. Sideways (Don’t even get me started.)
G. Other (please explain)

25 Responses to “Weekly Opinion Poll: Two Thumbs Down”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Sideways” both suck ass. My life would be at least 2% better right now if I hadn’t seen either of them. As it is, I am learning to deal with the unhappiness that their disappointment has brought me.

  2. Dave2 Says:

    Anonymous? ANONYMOUS?!? That was ME!!! Strange… perhaps being in China is stripping away forms information?

  3. Dave2 Says:

    Or not… ??

  4. Jen Says:

    It’s a Wonderful Life and Million Dollar Baby both make me want to stab hot pokers in my eyes just to make it all end.

  5. Strode Says:

    The Blaire Witch Project. I am fighting my hands from jabbiing a pen in my eyes just typing the name. Everyone said it was so good! Bullpoopy! That was one of the worst movies ever. It was only marginally better than Lost in Translation. Now that movie *pulling pen out of my eye* really sucked. What in that performance made them nominate Bill Murray for an Oscar? Now I am lathering. Thanks Jenny!

  6. Kevin Says:

    Oh, I definitely agree with Strode on Blair Witch Project. I walked out of the theater wondering what the hell people were thinking.
    But, if I am to stick with your options, it is definitely Scent of a Woman. That movie was a load of crap. Some of the scenes where it focused just on Pacino and O’Donnell were okay. But anything that was related to O’Donnell and his school and that stupid trial were just Hollywood fluff factor. Horrible writing. Worse, even, than Mona Lisa Smile.

  7. jaymarie Says:

    i don’t know that it was critically-acclaimed, but i can’t believe so many famous and well-seasoned actors (and actress) sacrificed themselves to “Ocean’s Twelve” – that has to be one of the very worst movies i have seen in a long time. i cringe just thinking about it. didn’t anything in Julia Robert’s newly found mother’s intution warn her that she should never, ever play herself playing herself. oh, oh pardon me, gotta go, gonna be sick——–herp

  8. Anonymous Says:

    (but i really loved “Lost in Translation” – like a good book where it comes to mind for days after i have read it, i thought of that movie many times after i saw it. lovely.)

  9. Coco Says:

    Yeah, “It’s a Wonderful Life” annoys me too… I know we’re supposed to love that he becomes a good guy in the end, but I don’t think he really redeems himself. Everytime I watch it (when I’m forced), I think, “I hate him, I hate him! He has no Christmas spirit! He’s mean to his family!” Yeah, anyway. That movie sucks.

  10. jaymarie Says:

    [the anonymous was actually me, again]

  11. The Other Vivian Says:

    Jenny, thanks for finally SAYING IT! I hate it’s a Wonderful Life. Mostly because it’s played every hour on the hour from Oct to Xmas. Now, I want to stay blogfriends, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here. I just watched My Fair Lady for the first time this year – and I thought I got punkd

  12. eclectic Says:

    **scuffing toe into carpet** The only movie on that list I’ve actually seen was Scent of a Woman — bleh. **must. get. out. more.**

  13. Michael B. Says:

    Hmmm. I must be lacking the cynicism gene, because I remember liking all of those movies. Except Swimming Pool which I never saw, but have to assume that I might like based on the evidence at hand. Jenny, what other movies did you hate that I might enjoy watching?

  14. Robert Says:

    Hands down… Citizen Kane. AFI #1 best film of the 20th Century? Give me a freakin break. I have watched this movie three times and all three times I’ve fallen asleep.

  15. Nancy Says:

    I’ve only seen It’s a Wonderful Life and Sideways – I’ve actually been warned off all the others and I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m capable of learning from other people’s mistakes. It’s a great place to be.
    But anyway – I came out of Sideways with the lesson that all men are jerks at some level and the only thing women can do is put up with it. I mean, when the “nice guy” is the one stealing from his drunk mother? Bleah.
    My vote for other would be Star Wars, 1-6. All of them. Really.

  16. Cheesemeister V Says:

    C.) Other: Amelie. If this load of dung had been made 10 years ago with Meg Ryan, or last year with that Jenifer Love gal it would’ve sunk with an eye-rolling plop into the depths of the cutsie bog. But no, cause it’s all fancy-pants French the public believed it was oh so clever. Well not me sister!

  17. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    I say “The Hours.” A wonderful book absolutely ruined by the most insane SOUNDTRACK by Philip Glass. And, Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf– which we only know because she’s wearing a fake nose and walking clomp clomp clomp??? Then, the most melodramatic performance by that guy who’s married to Amy Madigan (absurd that I remember her name, not his because she has a far less visible career). But that guy who played Pollack. Now “Pollack” was a good film. Anyway in “The Hours,” that guy who… cough. Cough. Must be dying. Cough. Cough.

  18. Jenny Says:

    Oh, god. Where do I even begin? With a list perhaps:
    1. Loved Lost in Translation, but get why a lot of people would get annoyed.
    2. SOOO happy to see that so many of you hated It’s a Wonderful Life. You grow dearer to me each day.
    3. Million Dollar Baby made me want to kill Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood. My favorite discussion with Natasha: “You know, this movie would be so much better if she just went blind now.”
    4. Never seen Citizen Kane, but don’t know if I’ll try now…
    5. The Hours? Oh, yes. That was the year of the “Brave actress who made herself look ‘ugly’ so let’s give her an Oscar.” Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman… I know there were some more.
    6. Loved Amelie, but j’adore les francais!
    7. Liked Blair Witch, but mainly because my friends and I made little stick triangle figures like in the movie and hung them on my friend’s doorway after we saw the movie together.
    8. Liked Ocean’s 11, but heard SUCH awful things about 12, and am glad I didn’t waste the $9.
    9. Phew. You’ve gotten me all fired up – I’m sure I’ll have more later!

  19. nicole Says:

    I remember the first time I watched It’s A Wonderful Life…the ear slapping part disturbed me for life. So I will never ever watch it again. Ever.
    So I vote for A.
    And I have to disagree with some of the above answers. I liked Blair Witch, loved Lost in Translation, and Amelie is my favorite film of all time (well..one of them).
    But I still don’t get Citizen Kane…how? Why? It’s sooooooooo boring. Perhaps I’m just not the cinephile I thought I was…

  20. Rich Says:

    Jerry Maguire. Not a movie for single people to watch. You want to kill tom cruise by the end.

  21. gillespie Says:

    Citizen Kane?!? Come on, people! While I’ll give you it’s slow at times, it was made in 1941!! You show me a film from 1941 with the clever cinematography, the witty banter, and the suspense of a Citizen Kane, and I’ll agree and scream along with you.
    Oh, and I chose The Grudge (only movie I’ve fallen asleep while watching at the movie theatre) and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (only movie I went to watch at the movie theatre that I got up and left).

  22. Darby Says:

    Swimming Pool? Oh that movie was terrible. Seriously that movie needed Rambo in it to liven it up.
    Also I’m going to write-in pretty much everything made by M. Night Shyamalan, with with special bile directed towards The Sixth Sense. “OHHHHH LOOK AT ME I MAKE TWIST ENDINGS!” Yeah please dude get a life. *grrrr*

  23. Fiorello LaGuardia Says:

    Jenny, you have made it too hard for me to respond. I will have to give you categories of movies I hate.
    COMEDY: Absolutely *anything* starring Jerry Lewis or Jim (ugh, grunt,retch) Carrey.
    ROMANCE: “Titanic” or “Love Story” or “Out of Africa” or “The Way We Were”… Talk about no chemistry! (I could go on and on in this category.)
    ACTION: All the “Star Wars” movies
    HORROR: “Prophecy” (Didn’t they have any money in the budget for a couple of klieg lights?)
    SCI-FI: All of them, but especially “Space Oddysey 2001. YAWN-o-rama!

  24. TCho Says:

    Yeah, definitely Million Dollar Baby for me

  25. hooizz Says:

    im with jen about hating on million dollar baby. the same goes for swimming pool… but how can you be a hater about vanilla sky and garden state!!!
    SURE the ending of vanilla sky sucked, but it was a great overall film (and much to many peoples consternation, imho a better version than the non hollywoodized abre los ojos – if you want to argue with me about that, BRING IT) ha!
    and of course ive hearted nportman ever since beautiful girls. (eeew).