Greasy spoon, Chicago, Fall 2005
Dear – 50-ish heavyset woman with short blonde hair
Sweetie – 30-ish poorly-dressed woman with curly hair
Honey – 50-ish nondescript man with dark mustache
Dear: “You don’t smoke, do you Sweetie?”
Sweetie [looking up from grilled cheese and notebook]: “Me? No.”
Dear: “Oh good, then I can sit here. Nothing worse than trying to enjoy a meal and having someone blow smoke in your face. Thanks, Sweetie.”
Sweetie: “My pleasure.”
Dear: “Honey, did you get some napkins? See if you can find some napkins. I want to wipe off the table.”
Honey: “Okay, Dear.”
Dear [leaning over toward Sweetie’s table]: “Would you mind if I stole one of your napkins? They forgot to wipe off our table.”
Sweetie: “Not at all, here you go.”
Dear: “Thanks, Sweetie. I’m kind of a clean freak.”
Sweetie [smiling]: “There are a lot worse problems to have.”
Dear [laughs]: “You’ve got that right. I just like things a certain way. Whenever my husband takes the pillow off the couch, I make him put it back just the way it was. I just like things a certain way.”
Honey: “Here’s some napkins. They said our order should be up in a minute.”
Dear: “I was just telling her how I always make you put the pillow back on the couch just the way it was, don’t I? Everything back the way it was.”
Honey: “Yes, you do, Dear.”
Dear: “I have… what do they call it when you like things a certain way? A compulsive? Compulsion?”
Sweetie [trying to swallow large bite of grilled cheese]: “OCD?”
Dear: “Yeah. Compulsion.”
Honey: “Here comes our food.”
Dear: “Oh good. I am so hungry. Are you hungry?”
Honey: “Not much.”
Dear: “Not much? Not much hungry? I sure am. Oh Honey, they forgot to give me honey mustard sauce. Can you go ask if they’ve got honey mustard sauce? I don’t like the hot sauce. Tastes like vinegar.”
Honey: “Yes, Dear.”
Dear: “Well, enjoy your lunch, Sweetie.”
Sweetie: “Thanks! Same to you.”

6 Responses to “Diner”

  1. shari Says:

    Oh Sweetie, that must’ve been sooo much fun!

  2. jaymarie Says:

    (trying to swallow a large bite…)
    bwahh ha ha.

  3. rarity Says:

    I can just hear them…

  4. jenny Says:

    They were actually quite lovely. I almost ordered dessert so I could stick around longer…

  5. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    (snicker…) I think that she and “The Woman who keeps coughing” should be chained together in a sealed cubicle in some office. They would drive each other MAD! Hahahahaha – I love the concept!!!

  6. mainja Says:

    and now for a comment that has nothing to do with your post… ;)
    i was in chicago once and my partner and i decided to go out for breakfast. we went walking. we didn’t find anywhere off hand. so we stopped a local and asked ‘is there a greasy spoon around nearby that we could grab breakfast’ the local said ‘hmmm, greasy spoon, no, i’ve never heard of that restaurant, there’s a mcdonalds just down the street, they serve breakfast…’
    and the sad part of the story? we ended up getting mcdonalds breakfast.