Gratuitous Filler
“And so then I went into his office and said, ‘Look, I’m doing the work of two peop-‘”
“Oh, shoot. I’m sorry – I don’t mean to cut you off, but I just realized what time it is.”
“Do you have to go?”
“Yeah, I need to write something tonight.”
“What are you writing about?”
“Ugh, I have no idea. I’m all work-stressed, so I don’t have anything funny or interesting to say.”
“Post a picture – that always works in a pinch.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know. Something. How about a puppy?”
“A puppy? I don’t even have dogs. Why would I do that?”
“Well, then how about a kitten? Post a picture of your cats – people love small animals and babies.”
“Mmm, I don’t know. I don’t really have a nice picture of my cats. Their eyes always do that glowing thing in photos, you know?”
“Okay, well then your last option is a baby. No one can resist a baby. Ooh – I know! How about a baby holding a puppy?”
“That just seems really cheap. I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll think of something.”
“All right, good luck. Talk to you later!”
“Okay, bye!”
Filed under: General on November 17th, 2005
November 17th, 2005 at 8:43 am
Ah, quite gratuitous. But we’ll take it. We’ve all had our fair share of gratuitous posts. I usually post pictures of pythons that burst open after eating alligators.
November 17th, 2005 at 8:57 am
wow,
i’ve never been here before but your site is amazing!
and this post is just beautiful.
so profound.
i’ll be back, for sure.
November 17th, 2005 at 9:08 am
I’m guessing that the child with the huge, dark eyes is YOU. Yes? (although the fair hair…well, it’s possible. I had blonde hair as a kid, and now it’s brown.) Another reason I think it’s you is — the candy! A-ha!
November 17th, 2005 at 9:17 am
Very nice! I love the chin.
November 17th, 2005 at 9:47 am
are you eating a slice of frozen pizza…b/c that explains so much
November 17th, 2005 at 10:03 am
A blistering social satire, Jenny. Right up there with Jonathan Swift. How do you do it? All that tightly-woven angst conveyed through such a benign construct? The darkness even darker for the sweetness of the vehicle? The title, itself, misleading and ironic. Brava, my friend. Brava.
November 17th, 2005 at 10:43 am
Next time someone asks me what a blog it, this is the post I will send them.
November 17th, 2005 at 10:44 am
(Stupid spell-wrong hands.)
November 17th, 2005 at 11:39 am
K: Oooh – I loved that gross python/cobra photo. It was naaaasty.
J: Yes, this is quite the profound post…
R: Yup, ’tis me. I was bald until I was 1, and blonde until about 4 yrs old. And that’s actually watermelon, not candy!
N: Ha – my dad always said I looked like some orphan girl he picked up off the street, all covered in food.
Nat: Frozen pizza? Look, I was eating fruit, people! Why won’t you believe me?
*j: OMG, you’re hysterical! Yes, most people come here for the scathing social commentary. That, and the paint-by-numbers.
S: I just wish there were more pictures of puppies on the blogosphere. The world would be a better place.
November 17th, 2005 at 1:08 pm
I come here for the free buffet.
Love the baby picture, BTW. Great eyes on that Jen!
November 17th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
So you were the model for those doe-eyed Precious Moments figurines. No matter… I liked you long before I knew, and this information isn’t going to change our friendship one bit. Never mind that I planned to post pictures of our soon-coming puppy tomorrow and now I can’t because it would be “gratuitous” and even worse, copycat gratuitous; no, no… don’t worry. Our friendship will survive this knowledge that you also were the most beautiful child on the planet when we were small. That’s okay. I thrive on living in your shadow. Really.
November 17th, 2005 at 6:13 pm
As for that photo, yes, you are absolutely adorable, but your mom once showed me a photo of you wearing a sheriff’s badge pinned on your little strawberry decorated t-shirt. Now THAT was, to me, even cuter than the watermelon girl shot. Seems to me that there was a little boy in that photo too…wonder whatever became of him…
November 17th, 2005 at 6:55 pm
Two things that destroy my feeling of peace and well-being when I crawl into bed at night: knowing that I ate too much chocolate and random cereal that evening and knowing that I wrote a filler post (today is a good example). Oh, and a third: knowing that I emptied out the last bottle of crappy white wine.
BTW, yours is not a filler post.
November 17th, 2005 at 8:44 pm
This has been that writing . . . that you were telling your friend you had to write, I mean. I love it when the reality weaves into the writing into the reality into the writing.
ALSO:
When I run out of real photos that are actually of my own family, I always to to the following:
http://www.bighappyfunhouse.com/
old photos somehow weave into your reality – even if they’re not of your own family
I don’t know what made me think of that site when I was looking at your photos there.
November 17th, 2005 at 9:55 pm
TS: Be sure to stop by tomorrow – we have an all-you-can-eat crab leg special that’s second to none!
S: It must have been cold there in my shadow, to never have sunlight on your face…
It’s actually so funny you mention that, because when I was thinking of posting the puppy photo, I thought of you and how your puppy pic got like FOUR THOUSAND COMMENTS. So really, ’tis I who be the gratuitous copycat. Please post your baby dog photo! (and really, you’re the sweetest – thanks!)
F: I remember that photo well. I was the most feared sheriff in the entire county fair. And that boy rode off into the sunset, I believe.
N: You should never feel guilty about eating late night cereal, unless it’s Lucky Charms. And then you should feel deep, deep shame.
B: It’s so true that looking at old photos makes us want to fill in the blanks. Create a history. And I love that site – it’s always a fun treat!
November 18th, 2005 at 12:26 am
Your Dad I’m assuming? Nice hair.
November 18th, 2005 at 8:06 am
Nice post!! I still haven’t figured out how to put photos directly onto my site. So I have to link to a geocities site. Lame, I know.
November 18th, 2005 at 1:24 pm
generally i’m a big fan of the gratuitous…
November 18th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
Will you marry me, Jenny?
November 18th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Aw, Jenny….what a cutie pie!
November 18th, 2005 at 4:54 pm
N: Yup, that’s my Paw. And he did have quite the 70’s ‘do. (I’m assuming you meant his hair, since mine is almost nonexistent in the photo…)
THB: Fortunately, that’s the one thing I did finally figure out. I feel your pain, sister.
M: Gratuitous sex, nudity and violence I’m totally in favor of. It’s really just gratuitous puppies I have issues with.
T: OMG, a proposal? It’s so unexpected! But, I suspect your husband might object…
J: Yeah, my dad is pretty cute, idn’t he?
November 19th, 2005 at 12:04 am
What can I say? That is just a great picture of you and your father. I have noticed that most babies who are 1/4 Sicilian have that charismatic presence.
November 20th, 2005 at 9:35 am
Dear Jenny,
Please please puleeeeez post that photo of you at about age 3 or 4 where you DO have hair and it’s still blond, but the curls have arrived and it’s all crazy hair. PLEASE??!!! I think everyone will love it.
Love,
Vivian