Circle Gets the Square

“You didn’t think he was cute? I totally thought he was cute.”
“That one guy from the other night? Really? You found him attractive?”
“Definitely, in kind of a non-traditional way, I guess. An angular way. I like angles.”
“Apparently. So you’re saying you like square.”
“Yes, I suppose I do like square. And you like circle, don’t you? Yeah, you’re definitely more circle.”
I leaned back in my chair a bit, looking up and to the right like I do when I’m deep in thought, then continued, “Hmm. I wonder if there’s a theory to be developed here. Maybe romantic attraction all comes down to circle versus square. I’m going to work on this a little.”
“Can’t wait.”
I brushed the potato chip crumbs off my fingers, jotted down a few quick thoughts in my ever-present notebook, and then shifted my focus to the turkey and brie sandwich sitting patiently on my plate. Later that day on my train ride home, instead of reviewing the TV Guide section of the Tribune to see what time America’s Next Top Model started, I worked to broaden my theory a bit. Choices. Circle/Square. Either/Or. Attraction/Repulsion. What did it all mean?
By the time my train arrived at my stop, I had a rough concept, but I needed more empirical evidence. Immediately upon returning to my apartment, I called Natasha to continue the study now that I had developed my hypothesis a bit further.
“Okay Nat. Remember today at lunch when we were talking about circle or square? I have a few more questions for you. I just need you to clear your mind and go with your gut reaction when I ask you these. Don’t over think it, okay?”
“I’m ready.”
“Okay, here we go: bear or wolf?”
“Wait – so what exactly am I supposed to answer? Which would win? Which I like better?”
“No, no. It’s all about attraction. Which are you more attracted to? Which would you rather date?”
“Oh, then bear, for sure.”
“Good. Sun or moon?”
“Mmm hmm. Cobra or crocodile?”
“Is this to find out if I like arms or not? Because that’s a hard cho-”
“You’re thinking too much. Just go with your gut. Which would you rather marry, cobra or crocodile?”
“Uh… crocodile, I guess.”
“Okay, now why did you say that?”
“I just think a crocodile would be a better provider. I mean, what kind of job can a cobra get with no arms or legs?”
“Nat! You’re still being too rational. Just go with your absolute first instinct. Okay, this is the last one: solid, liquid or vapor?”
“That one has three choices. Why don’t you ask me hamburger or hot dog?”
“Don’t be absurd. Just answer the question – would you rather date solid, liquid or vapor?”
“Well, liquid, I think.”
“Really? Liquid? That surprises me. I totally had you pegged as a solid. These findings are highly unexpected.”
“Yeah, I figured that one might shock you. Wait – what the hell does any of this mean, anyway? Is this some sort of psychological profile? Is this like the Myers-Briggs thing? Let me try it again.”
“I’m not really sure yet. I need to get some more data before I can really see what types of conclusions can be drawn. I’m going to need to expand my sample size.”
Which leads me to my next Weekly Opinion Poll (and yes, it has been brought to my attention that in order to call something ‘weekly,’ I really need to do it every week. Fine, so we’ll call it ‘Sporadic Opinion Poll.” Better?):
Question: Which are you more attracted to?*
1. Circle or square?
2. Wolf or bear?
3. Sun or moon?
4. Cobra or crocodile?
5. Solid, liquid or vapor?
*Go with your absolute gut reaction on these. It’s crucial to the integrity of this scientific study. If I suspect you’ve been using logic or ration or Google to decide, I will have no choice but to exclude your responses. I am a woman of science, after all.

For everything else, there’s Mastercard

Heavy duty box cutter: $9.99
Black duct tape: $4.89
Two cans of black enamel spray paint: $9.98
Dual temperature hot glue gun: $16.99
Portable karaoke machine: $24.99
Karaoke CD’s: $22.99
Dressing up as a human karaoke machine and having your friends sing to you all night: Priceless!
The evening got a little out of control by the end, and I suspect that Seamus will soon be evicted. To quote Natasha, “When the mime doth lay down with the wolf, Armageddon is nigh.”