Circle Gets the Square

“You didn’t think he was cute? I totally thought he was cute.”
“That one guy from the other night? Really? You found him attractive?”
“Definitely, in kind of a non-traditional way, I guess. An angular way. I like angles.”
“Apparently. So you’re saying you like square.”
“Yes, I suppose I do like square. And you like circle, don’t you? Yeah, you’re definitely more circle.”
I leaned back in my chair a bit, looking up and to the right like I do when I’m deep in thought, then continued, “Hmm. I wonder if there’s a theory to be developed here. Maybe romantic attraction all comes down to circle versus square. I’m going to work on this a little.”
“Can’t wait.”
I brushed the potato chip crumbs off my fingers, jotted down a few quick thoughts in my ever-present notebook, and then shifted my focus to the turkey and brie sandwich sitting patiently on my plate. Later that day on my train ride home, instead of reviewing the TV Guide section of the Tribune to see what time America’s Next Top Model started, I worked to broaden my theory a bit. Choices. Circle/Square. Either/Or. Attraction/Repulsion. What did it all mean?
By the time my train arrived at my stop, I had a rough concept, but I needed more empirical evidence. Immediately upon returning to my apartment, I called Natasha to continue the study now that I had developed my hypothesis a bit further.
“Okay Nat. Remember today at lunch when we were talking about circle or square? I have a few more questions for you. I just need you to clear your mind and go with your gut reaction when I ask you these. Don’t over think it, okay?”
“I’m ready.”
“Okay, here we go: bear or wolf?”
“Wait – so what exactly am I supposed to answer? Which would win? Which I like better?”
“No, no. It’s all about attraction. Which are you more attracted to? Which would you rather date?”
“Oh, then bear, for sure.”
“Good. Sun or moon?”
“Mmm hmm. Cobra or crocodile?”
“Is this to find out if I like arms or not? Because that’s a hard cho-”
“You’re thinking too much. Just go with your gut. Which would you rather marry, cobra or crocodile?”
“Uh… crocodile, I guess.”
“Okay, now why did you say that?”
“I just think a crocodile would be a better provider. I mean, what kind of job can a cobra get with no arms or legs?”
“Nat! You’re still being too rational. Just go with your absolute first instinct. Okay, this is the last one: solid, liquid or vapor?”
“That one has three choices. Why don’t you ask me hamburger or hot dog?”
“Don’t be absurd. Just answer the question – would you rather date solid, liquid or vapor?”
“Well, liquid, I think.”
“Really? Liquid? That surprises me. I totally had you pegged as a solid. These findings are highly unexpected.”
“Yeah, I figured that one might shock you. Wait – what the hell does any of this mean, anyway? Is this some sort of psychological profile? Is this like the Myers-Briggs thing? Let me try it again.”
“I’m not really sure yet. I need to get some more data before I can really see what types of conclusions can be drawn. I’m going to need to expand my sample size.”
Which leads me to my next Weekly Opinion Poll (and yes, it has been brought to my attention that in order to call something ‘weekly,’ I really need to do it every week. Fine, so we’ll call it ‘Sporadic Opinion Poll.” Better?):
Question: Which are you more attracted to?*
1. Circle or square?
2. Wolf or bear?
3. Sun or moon?
4. Cobra or crocodile?
5. Solid, liquid or vapor?
*Go with your absolute gut reaction on these. It’s crucial to the integrity of this scientific study. If I suspect you’ve been using logic or ration or Google to decide, I will have no choice but to exclude your responses. I am a woman of science, after all.

44 Responses to “Circle Gets the Square”

  1. StationeryQueen Says:

    I hate science, but that’s your part in all this, so I’ll answer these simple questions:
    1) Square
    2) bear
    3) Moon
    4) Croc
    5) liquid

  2. Cee Says:

    1) circle
    2) bear
    3) sun
    4) cobra
    5) vapor

  3. romy Says:

    1. square !
    2. wolf
    3. moon
    4. cobra
    5. liquid
    cool quiz. i can’t wait to hear what it says about us all.

  4. nicole Says:

    1) circle
    2) wolf
    3) moon
    4) cobra
    5) liquid
    Although why I chose these over the other…I’m not sure. But in the name of science, I guess…

  5. The Scarlett Says:

    1). Square
    2). Wolf
    3). Moon
    4). Cobra
    5). Solid
    I’m all about data.

  6. number4of5 Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Bear
    3. Moon
    4. Croc
    5. Solid
    The Croc/Cobra question was a tough one. I like neither, but that was not an option and I like to play by the rules.

  7. Sarah Says:

    I think.

  8. shari Says:

    Cobra or Croc?! What are you thinking?!

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    I’m not attracted to any of them. What does that mean? Am I destined to meet a triangular hyenia on venus composed of anti-matter? Please advise.

  10. Roxie Says:

    1.) Circle
    2.) Wolfe if on the East Coast, Bear if on the West Coast. For some reason, location seems important in making this decision.
    3.) Moon
    4.) I don’t know–I like lizards, which are sort of in between.
    5.) Liquid

  11. Tracy Kaply Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Bear
    3. Moon
    4. Cobra
    5. Liquid

  12. Roy Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Wolf
    3. Sun
    4. Cobra
    5. vapor
    What about turnons, turnoffs? Sign? What kind of weird deal is this?

  13. Kevin Says:


  14. Christie Says:


  15. Karen Says:

    I can’t wait to read the analysis!

  16. jenny Says:

    Fascinating. I’m plugging this all into a spreadsheet, and some very interesting patterns are emerging.
    Now I just need to figure out what they mean…

  17. nina Says:

    1. circle
    2. bear
    3. sun
    4. if it comes to only one of these, I’ll take the convent (that’s saying a lot for an atheist)
    5. liquid if it can be wine, solid otherwise.

  18. Junebug Says:

    1. Square
    2. Wolf
    3. Sun
    4. Crocodile
    5. Vapor… definitely vapor.

  19. Darby Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Wolf
    3. Moon
    4. Cobra
    5. Vapor

  20. Strode Says:

    1. circle
    2. bear
    3. moon
    4. cobra
    5. liquid

  21. Jessica Says:

    1 – Square (not over analyzing…just further commenting – when I got married, everything had to be square; the ring, the cake, the vases for the centerpieces, the invitation, etc. I’m worried this says something about my choice of husband.)
    2 – Wolf
    3 – Moon
    4 – Cobra
    5 – Vapor
    Answers 2 – 5 make me seem mysterious…like Stevie Nicks or something.

  22. Dr. G Says:

    I have a quiz for you Winnifer:
    1 – JM J Bullock or Paul Lynde
    2 – Davey or Goliath
    3 – John Amos or John Stamos
    4 – Mannix or Barnaby Jones
    5 – Pinky Tuscadero or Leather Tuscadero

  23. jenny Says:

    Dr. G, Dr. G… I do love a good quiz.
    1. Paul Lynde, in a heartbeat
    2. Davey. C’mon, man. I get freaky from time to time, but a claymation dog? I don’t roll like that.
    3. General Hospital era Stamos
    4. Barnaby. No idea why.
    5. Must you even ask? Leather!!!! Rrreeer!

  24. asia Says:

    I need what I am not and the only thing I am is vaporous… I think I would like to date a solid. A solid and I can wear plaid.
    A bear in the sun, croc and a square. Can I be the wolf howling at the moon then? How does this work Jenny???

  25. nina Says:

    Asia, I think she has us wrapped around her little finger. Me too — I was trying to be so honest. Whatever for?
    Okay Jenny, I changed y mind. I want all of the above. How are you going to deal with that one?

  26. jenny Says:

    Asia – I think it’s clear that you are the plaid wolf howling at the moon. Owwoooooo!
    Oh, nina. Everything I do, I do for you, and you know it!
    You can’t have everything. That’s not the way life works. All will be revealed next week. Science isn’t a science, you know. Everything isn’t black and white, either/or, this or that. Wait. Except this quiz. This quiz is either/or.

  27. brando Says:

    square bear moon cobra liquid the liquid must be tequila

  28. teahouseblossom Says:

    circle, bear, moon, vapor

  29. shari Says:

    Tequila was one of the choices? DAMMIT!!

  30. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    Honest gut reactions were:
    Square, Moon, Wolf, Crocodile, Vapour.
    Will your analysis change my whole life? Oooooh, I’m nervously awaiting my fate…..

  31. Anonymous Says:

    Circle. Moon. Bear. Crocodile. Solid.
    What’s it all mean?

  32. Cheryl Says:

    Square. Bear. Moon. Crocodile. Liquid. I had a professor who used to break things down by cake/pie, chocolate/vanilla, coffee/tea, dogs/cats. She claimed that for the most part, people were either cake-chocolate-coffee-dogs or pie-vanilla-tea-cats. But keep in mind she was a professor at an art school, not a science institute.

  33. jill Says:

    but jenny, don’t you need to know what kind of man i think i like to cross reference with which sort of cold-blooded reptile i think i prefer? and my liquid should be tang.

  34. jenny Says:

    Coupla things:
    1. You cannot choose what type of liquid. This is research, not a pub crawl.
    2. Yes, this will change your lives. Forever.
    3. Who you think you like is irrelevant, because this research will tell all of you who you really like. And most of you will probably disagree with the results, but most people disagreed with the idea that the earth was round, but that didn’t change the facts.
    4. I’m currently using this research to pursue my PhD in Human Relations and Sexual Development, and will certainly mention you all in the “Shout Outs!” section of my thesis.
    5. All I ask is that you trust me. And follow me blindly. And give me candy. And hold me when I’m scared. Is that too much to ask?

  35. shari Says:

    Alright, alright… but if your QQs snag my new sweater, you’re in BIG trouble.

  36. Roy Says:

    I hope you post the results. I just tallied up the sun/moon results, and got 7 sun, 19 moon. Hmmm…what do you make of it?
    Uh, the candy’s in the mail.

  37. Rich Says:

    I tried, but I couldnt take it seriously.

  38. nina Says:

    We are not static, Jenny. Hurry up with the results. I am about to repost my comment with completely different answers. Peer pressure: suddenly the bleak moon seems hotter than the burning sun.

  39. jenny Says:

    Rich – you can’t take bear v. wolf seriously? my heart breaks for you…
    Nina – you’re killing me! Look, you can’t rush science. People tried to rush Marie Curie and look how that turned out: Didja find that radium yet? How’s the radium coming? Hey – Marie? Where’s that radium I keep hearing about? And guess what? She died. Tonight, my dear. Tonight, all shall be revealed.

  40. mateo Says:

    Square, wolf, sun, crocodile, solid.
    I’m not sure what these responses mean, but I’m guessing something along the lines of the fact that I’ve officially sold my soul to Corporate America for a 401k. Blech.
    P.S. I totally loved the halloweenie costume. What ever happened to all the cr@p we bought at the Elephant?

  41. jaymarie Says:

    i can’t believe i am coming back here to do this because your latest post made me feel guilty, that, and i thought, “maybe it really won’t work if i don’t come and give my prefrences right now…” so here i am , johnnycomelately.

  42. Hap Says:

    The critical question is: Flight or invisibility?

    Act One. Invisible Man vs. Hawkman. John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age old question: which is better? The power of flight, or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime. (13 minutes)

  43. Hap Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Bear
    3. Sun
    4. Crocodile
    5. Vapor

  44. Dave Says:

    1. Circle
    2. Wolf
    3. Moon
    4. Cobra
    5. Liquid