I must confess that I am prone to impulse purchases. I get this from my father, I think. He and I, when we decide we want something, we need to have it immediately. Sometimes this leaves me with a $400 camera, other times with a $15 Scott Baio t-shirt. This past weekend, upon returning from a little Greek fruit and vegetable stand, I found myself unpacking a small clear plastic box containing a honeycomb.
What does one do with a honeycomb, I wondered? I picked up the box which was wedged in between fancy jars of clover honey and apple butter. Seeing that it was $5.89, I set it down, then picked it back up again and turned it over. Perfect hexagons. I have never had a honeycomb. I need this honeycomb. I need it now. But what will I do with it?
It will sit on top of my microwave, until tonight. I have a craving for sweets, and yogurt covered raisins sound too much like vegetables, so I snap open the lid. I’m not sure how to get the honey out, so first I flip the box over, thinking the whole comb might plop out into my hand, and I can eat it like a bear. Of course, it doesn’t move.
I take a butter knife and press gently into one corner. The honey is thick, and the comb collapses a bit as I carefully try to pull out a small square. Checking the cube for bee parts (Don’t bees lay their eggs inside the comb? What if I find a bee leg? Why do they make honey, anyway? How come I don’t know anything?), I lick my fingers, testing it out before committing to a full bite. It tastes just like regular honey. But… better.
I bite off a corner and press it against the roof of my mouth with my tongue. The honey oozes out, leaving flattened cylinders of gummy wax, which I chew into a little ball. It reminds me of those wax candies with the sugary juice inside. Do bears just eat the wax? Probably.
I discover that I like this honeycomb. I like it a lot. And then it hits me: I want to meet a beekeeper. Now.

26 Responses to “Apiculture”

  1. sween Says:

    You’re so lucky, Jenny. You’re so lucky that wasn’t a replay of the Turkish Delight incident.

  2. jenny Says:

    Sween: Shhhh. We must never speak of the Turkish Delight Incident. A part of me died that day.

  3. The Scarlett Says:

    Cameron went on a field trip to this freaky place called the Insectarium. Supposedly we all eat something like six pounds of bug parts. The only problem is I can’t remember if that is within a lifetime or a year.
    I wonder if bears are seduced by perfect hexagons.

  4. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Now, what if you met a centaur who was a beekeeper, hhmmmmm? What then?

  5. Dustin Says:

    Lets be honest with ourselves here…do you really think you’ll ever be able to find bee keeper head gear that can contain those curls? Sorry to rain on your parade, but I just want to see you get hurt…literally.

  6. Dustin Says:

    Wow. Amazing how forgetting to put the word “don’t” between the words “just” and “want” in the above comment really changes it’s tone. Kinda comes off as cruel.

  7. Caitlinator Says:


  8. Caitlinator Says:

    My previous comment was brought to you by the letter Z. And, well, I guess a B, too.

  9. jenny Says:

    Scarlett: This is an important distinction, because I can handle 6lbs in a lifetime, but 6lbs a year? Gak!
    Tracy Lynn: Oh, man. A centaur beekeeper?! Oh god. I’m sorry – I think I’m going to need some alone time…
    Dustin: I appreciate your concern for the curls, but I don’t want to become a beekeeper. I just want to know a beekeeper.

  10. Rick Crowley Says:

    Jen, this ‘killed’ me. Hysterical. I’m at work work laughing out loud. Were you high? This is like a total stoned-out thing to do. A honeycomb?!? My God, lady. What’s next?
    You should eat all your food naturally, now. Tap your tongue into a maple tree. Suckle on the teat of a cow. Sit mouth-open under a hen. DO IT!!! LIVE IT UP!!!
    Me? I’ll be eating something Kraft or Oscar Meyer.

  11. jenny Says:

    Dustin: I didn’t even notice the omission, but now, man, am I mad!
    Caitlin: I feel all Sesame Street happy inside right now!
    Rick: Sit mouth-open under a hen? Okay, I just made a sound not unlike a hen’s cackle when I read that! Now, which one of us is high? (But tapping my tongue into a maple tree sounds kind of cool…)

  12. ms. sizzle Says:

    i love your inner dialogue. :)

  13. Kevin Says:

    You are now required to wear the Scott Baio T-shirt at TequilaCon 07. It’s a must.

  14. Peggasus Says:

    Both of my kids have, at some point, come home from school and informed me that honey is the only food that wil never spoil. I have no idea if this is true or not, but thought you might want to know this anyway.
    Or maybe not. Do with it what you will.

  15. TCho Says:

    Are you really supposed to eat the comb part? I never knew that. Isn’t it like paper?

  16. jenny Says:

    Sizz: Sadly, it’s often much more interesting than my outer dialogue.
    Kevin: Gladly! In fact, Scott Baio may become the TC07 mascot.
    Peggasus: Is that right? I had no idea. Now, there’s a reason you’re not supposed to feed honey to babies, though – but what the heck is it? Man, good thing I don’t have kids.
    TCho: No, you’re most definitely NOT supposed to eat the comb part. It’s just beeswax, but not particularly tasty. I still have no idea what you’re really supposed to do with an actual honeycomb.

  17. shari Says:

    OK, fine, wear the Scott shirt… but you’ll wear the sequined tube top and the whore eyes, too, won’t you? Because I really hated missing those at TC’06.

  18. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) Says:

    It does look appetizing. Good luck on your hunt for a bee keeper. I knew a beekeeper when I was a teenager. But he was a total nerd with really bad acne. Hopefully he wasn’t representative of beekeepers everywhere… ;-)

  19. peefer Says:

    I found a dead bee today, perfectly intact. Oooooooh.
    You, me, we’re like brothers … or sisters. One or the other.

  20. Chrisite Says:

    So glad you liked yours. I wasted my money… couldn’t eat it. I bought a similar case because supposibly if you have pollen allergies, you should chew on “local” honeycomb and it will help you build a tolerance to the pollen in your area. Not a honey fan. Enjoy your new sweet treat!

  21. jenny Says:

    Shari: Maybe I’ll get a Scott Baio decal ironed onto my sequined tube-top. H.O.T.
    3T: Wait… you really knew a beekeeper? I’m cool with nerds, and I’ll bet his acne is all cleared up by now. Send me his number!
    Peefer: I took an art class once with this guy who collected dead bees. He was very odd, and liked to put the bees into multi-media sculptures. And re: you, me – I like to think of us as fraternal twins, but I was born 3 minutes before you which has always given you an inferiority complex. There’s nothing I can do about that now, so you really need to let it go.
    Christie: That’s supposed to help with pollen allergies? Interesting. I can see where eating a honeycomb would be tough if you’re not a fan of the taste of honey! :)

  22. Ryan Barrett Says:

    Aww, you reminded me of my childhood. Every fall we would go to the county fair and buy honeycomb. I also had an uncle who was a bee farmer and we had a cabinet in our kitchen that had some of his bee product. I would introduce you to him, but he isn’t living any more.
    If you want to try something new, I ordered chocolate covered ants for the children’s theatre production of THE JUNGLE BOOK. Yeah, they are real ants. Interested? Might be something to think about. It isn’t so much an insect byproduction (i.e. honey) as much as it i actually an insect (i.e. ant).

  23. Sunny Says:

    I’m divided about this. On the one hand, it sounds really good. (Possibly because it makes me think of the cereal.) But then I think about eating honey and how it would be really super sweet and gooey. So that hand doesn’t seem all that great.
    But both hands are sticky.
    Which you might want to consider if you date a beekeeper. Do you want to be stuck permenently holding hands one day?

  24. roy Says:

    Honey is, like, bee vomit. Which is probably why it never spoils. I mean, once something is vomit, how much worse could it get?

  25. sandra Says:

    What does it say about me that I was nervously awaiting a, “then I bit into a bee” sentence from you?

  26. Pants Says:

    That looks absolutely delicious!