Hypothetically Speaking

Hey –
Did you ever have a really great idea to go home and write a play where all the dialogue and characters were based on spam emails you’ve received, but then your friends called to invite you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant so you met up with them and drank wine and ate cheese?
And let’s say that one of the reasons this is your favorite restaurant is because they make the most unbelievably divine pasta Bolognese, but when you got to the restaurant you saw that pasta Bolognese was no longer featured on the specials board and you would cry the tears of a thousand sailors. I’m sure that the waiter would recommend some other amazing dishes like the soft shell crab special and chicken thigh stuffed with couscous and three different desserts, and you would eat them all because they were quite delicious, but still, you would lament the fact that they were not pasta Bolognese.
Maybe you would come home with every intention of writing that play, but still suffering from the disappointment of no Bolognese, and fatigued by the bottle of Spanish red you drank at your favorite restaurant and the glass of scotch you sipped while defragging your hard drive, you would find yourself distracted and unfocused. After a few failed attempts at writing something clever and interesting, maybe you would play Bejeweled for a while, eat the remaining three Oreos sitting on your kitchen counter in a plastic baggie to protect them from humidity, and then ultimately sell out by digging through your photo archives and posting a picture of your nephew holding a tiny snake.
Nah, I’m sure you would never do that.


20 Responses to “Hypothetically Speaking”

  1. jackt Says:

    Never. Would never do that. ;)

  2. brandon Says:

    Write a play? HAHAHAHA! Seriously, you’re killing me. If I ever thought you were spending time writing on something other than this blog, I would send my henchmen. You gave up on productive writing the moment you added me to your blogroll, sister. And what’s this ‘sipping’ business? Just drink the scotch and order another. There’ll be time enough for sipping ice chips on the floor of the bathroom the next day.

  3. jenny Says:

    jackt: That’s because you have a little something I like to call integrity.
    brandon: Everybody just calm down! I apparently didn’t clarify that this play was meant for blog-consumption only. Please. Like I’d ever leave the blogosphere? Who else would have me?

  4. Jessica Says:

    THE pasta Bolognese *I* had when I was in Chicago?! The SAME pasta Bolognese I would slap my grandmother to get to?!
    What is this world coming to?

  5. Neil Says:

    Didn’t they already do that play off-Broadway?

  6. Dawn Kelly Says:

    Okay, now I want the pasta bolognese and it’s only 10 AM.

  7. Tracy Lynn Says:

    It is totally wrong of you to instill in me a craving for pasta Bolognese first thing in the morning. Also to tempt me with phantom plays that are never to be written.
    Shame on you, Jenny.
    Cute snake, though.

  8. shari Says:

    I already did all of that, but your blog just doesn’t remember it.

  9. Caitlinator Says:

    How hypothetical is this hypothetical? I mean, ‘cuz, it sounds not-so-hypothetical. But I like it.

  10. dee-dee Says:

    it’s so true…that pasta bolongnese will really screw you up.

  11. Sunny Says:

    Y’know, it’s awfully cruel of you to make me crave food when I’ve already packed up all of the edible things in the house. Especially pasta, which is my one great weakness. Meanie.
    BTW, did your blog just get spammed? By someone named Eduardo, at that?

  12. asia Says:

    The great art works have never been long derailed by a bottle of wine and some oreos. I think you could still write that play. And if I could I would make pasta bolongnese for you.

  13. jenny Says:

    Jess: *sniff* Yes. It’s one in the same. But the waiter PROMISED me that it was just not being offered that night – they still make it as a special. I have no choice but to trust him.
    Neil: That’s impossible. I’ve never had an unoriginal idea. And I’ve come up with the perfect name for my original play – which now may become a musical featuring former Monty Python cast members: Spamalot.
    Dawn Kelly: It’s NEVER too early for pasta Bolognese!
    Tracy Lynn: See above comment… ;)
    Shari: Why I oughta…!
    Caitlin: Well, let’s say that hypothetically there were actually four Oreos.
    Dee-Dee: I’m just glad you and Nat were there to comfort me.
    Sunny: My apologies! And yes, I get spammed on a regular basis, hence the need for a play about spam. That nasty Eduardo man is gone now.
    asia: I’m telling you – this pasta will make even a tried and true vegan want to eat meat. And I am now writing a special part in my play just for you.

  14. Sarah Says:

    Ahhhh!!! Looks like a scene out of one of my recurring nightmares–one of the 100s of little tiny snakes that come out of the giant snake that they cut up at the dinner table in Raiders of the Lost Ark…or whatever the second movie in that series was called.

  15. ms. sizzle Says:

    i love that you drink scotch while you defrag your hard drive.
    that’s hawt.
    :) sizz

  16. Dustin Says:

    …cry the tears of a thousand sailors.
    Can I get extra salt with that?

  17. sandra Says:

    Dear Diary,
    Last night, I intended to do something productive after working a long day. I would write down what that something was, but am too hung over — due to the red wine I consumed instead — to think.

  18. jenny Says:

    Sarah: Uh oh – you’re afraid of snakes? Just like Indy. Me? I love ‘em. It’s spiders, centipedes and beetle-like creatures that give me the willies.
    Sizz: I wish more people thought drinking alone at home in front of a computer was hot. I’d have far more dates… ;)
    Dustin: Arrrr, matey! I cry because ya be after me treasure! Oh wait – that was when I cried the tears of a thousand pirates.
    Dear Sandra,
    Please start writing about more sex and drinking and drugs and shoplifting and breaking and entering like you used to when you were younger. Sometimes I get sad when you claim to be too hungover to write in me.
    Your Diary

  19. jill Says:

    Now, I’m no culinary guru or anything, but I have to question your taste if you’re chasing scotch with oreos. At least you weren’t dipping them. (Um, were you?) Regardless, the play will play out. You’re doing the work, just showing up at the computer. At least that’s what the genius-writer-guru-book people say.

  20. TCho Says:

    I’ll be going to Madrid in September. I’m so excited about taking a wine tour.