Opinion Poll: What’s New, Pussycat?

I’ve always heard that it takes a big person to admit when they’re wrong, so I’m here to say that I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I don’t mean just a little bit wrong, like last week when I told Dee-Dee and Natasha that I thought Men in Trees might actually be kind of funny. I’m talking way out in left field, totally not on the same page, singing from a different songbook kind of wrong.
And the worst part is that I didn’t just hurt myself this time – I brought two innocent victims along with me. I mean, what was I thinking when I renamed my cats Mr. Lionel Richie and Miss Dionne Warwick? Sure it was funny the first time I said it, but the joke got old real fast, and those are really long names to yell when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
“Mr. Lionel Richie! So help me, if you don’t get off that table and stop eating my small curd cottage cheese…”
“Miss Dionne Warwick! This is the last time I’m telling you – if you keep batting those glitter balls under the refrigerator, I’m not going to buy you any more!”
There really wasn’t anything wrong with their other names – Punch and Judy, or Maddox and Zahara – so I don’t know why I felt the need to mess with a good thing, but the bottom line is that I did. I messed with a damn good thing and now there’s no turning back.
So this leads me to what may quite possibly be my most important opinion poll EVER. My only option now is to once again rename my cats, so I’ve gathered a few potential candidates. However, I also recognize that perhaps my judgment cannot be trusted, so I’m encouraging write-in suggestions as well. But first, I think it’s important that you understand a little about them so that you can make the right choice:
Boy Cat
[click for larger versions]
City cats
Totally tasted like margarine
Height: 14”
Weight: 13 lbs
Eyes: Blue
Age: 6 years
Sign: Taurus
Best Feature: Prominent nose
Likes: Trying to escape out the back door, sitting in window plotting escape route, medicinal catnip (for glaucoma), napping, attacking his sister, eating shoelaces, looking at spiders but never actually doing anything about them
Dislikes: Not being able to escape, collars, showers, hats of any sort, being placed underneath the laundry basket

Girl Cat
[click for larger versions]
America's Next Top Model
No really, I'm not kidding
Height: 12”
Weight: 10 lbs
Eyes: Blue
Age: 6 years
Sign: Taurus
Best Feature: Pearly white teeth
Likes: Apples, screaming, pacing in circles, eating plastic grocery bags, licking yogurt cartons, napping, stretching, feathers
Dislikes: Vacuum cleaners, ironing boards being opened, collars, bonnets, dishtowels tied around neck like a cape, manicures
I’m going to completely trust the popular opinion on this, unless there’s a write in candidate so spectacular that I have to utterly disregard what the majority of you want and think only of myself and my kittens. So now that you know a little more about my cats, their fate is in your hands.
Q: What should I rename my cats?
1. Kenny and Dolly
2. Moose and Squirrel
3. Starving Kittens in China
4. Kodo and Podo
5. Guinness and Harp
6. Other (please explain)

33 Responses to “Opinion Poll: What’s New, Pussycat?”

  1. Dustin Says:

    #6: Luke and Leia

  2. Arwen Says:

    girl: Mac
    Boy: Tosh
    together: Mac n Tosh
    You get the apple reference, you get cute names and simple names when kitty is bad:
    Tosh! Stop eating my chicken pot pie!
    Mac! I have asked you repeatedly not to unroll the toilet paper!
    I think it works.

  3. jg Says:

    #6: Si and Am
    Because those two had attitude and a cute little song too!

  4. Marshall Says:

    I found your site from Brandon’s site. Hello.
    I think you should name your cats after Roman emporors and their women. For example, Caligula and Milonia, Claudius and Aggrippina, or Nero and Antonia. Or maybe just name them Donny and Marie.

  5. Dave2 Says:

    YOU ARE A FAN OF BEASTMASTER?!? As much as I love you, I love you even more just this moment.
    Kodo and Podo is perfect, obviously. :-)

  6. Anushka Says:

    Girl: Hiroshima
    Boy: Nagaski
    no, actually Kodo and Podo is best

  7. jenny Says:

    Dustin: Oooh, they were brother and sister, yet sometimes didn’t act like it… my cats are EXACTLY like that!
    Arwen: Excellent suggestion – I can see the sponsorship deals coming in already! They would be perfect spokescats for Apple!
    JG: A classic choice – I often sing that song to them!
    Marshall: Nero and Antonia – intellectual, but not pretentious. And I suspect my cats would fiddle while my house burnt, so this may be appropriate.
    Dave2: Ha – I should’ve known I’d find a fellow Beastmaster fan in you. What’s not to love? Rip Torn, John Amos, thieving weasels and that ring with the eyeball in it? I’ve seen in no less than 20 times.
    Anushka: Yes, Kodo and Podo might be the safer bets there, although they are awfully destructive.

  8. kat Says:

    bunsen and beaker. because i have plants in my office named bunsen and beaker, and now that i write it out it doesn’t really seem like such a fabulous rationale.

  9. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Gonna have to toss my hat in the Beastmaster ring- Kodo and Podo get my vote. Although Zeus and Hera are always a good choice.

  10. mike Says:

    My vote (from your list) is Moose & Squirrel.
    If pressed, I’d also list Ace and Gary.

  11. Peggasus Says:

    Bangers and Mash.

  12. jenny Says:

    kat: Oh, Beaker. Remember him from the Muppets? I loved him so.
    Tracy Lynn: More love for the Beastmaster – YES! I think my cats might get a little arrogant if I named them after Greek gods – they’re already self-absorbed enough. :)
    Mike: Are you suggesting that my cats are ambiguously gay?
    Peggasus: That’s brilliant! But, wait – what about Bubble and Squeak? Can I write in my own choice, because now I want to name them Bubble and Squeak!

  13. Dr. G Says:

    A) Pork and Beans
    B) Mr. Butterwurps & Mrs. Butterwurps
    C) Hart and Hart (as in Hart to Hart)
    D) Captain Myles Standish and Pocahontas
    E) Lenny and Squiggy
    F) Sexy American Girlfriend and Greasy Bohunk

  14. ashbloem Says:

    I think I’ll have to write in Taste and Bud for obvious reasons, but Bubble & Squeak is my favorite.

  15. The Scarlett Says:

    Boris and Natasha
    Woody and Soon-Yi
    Lennon and Ono
    Fish and Chips
    Sorry … I just haven’t spent time here lately and I got completely carried away!

  16. Jessica Says:

    How ’bout Captain and Tennille?
    Bobby and Whitney???

  17. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    How about Up and Down. It could be entertaining: Get down from there Up or I’ll have to come up there and get you down.

  18. kapgar Says:

    While I dig on Arwen’s Mac n’ Tosh choice, I’m giving my vote to Kodo and Podo. Long live Beastmaster!!!

  19. Neil Says:

    Why do you have to call the cat by the full name? Instead of Mr. Lionel Richie, couldn’t you just call him “Lady” or some other short song title when you get upset at him. He’ll know you are talking to him.

  20. heather anne Says:

    How about Jack and Coke?

  21. Jenn Says:

    Jack and Coke is cool! Unless you prefer Gin and Tonic.
    I also think Bubble and Sqeak is great, but maybe you should consider “Toad In” and “The Hole!”
    Do your cats get confused because they have had so many names?

  22. asia Says:

    Franny and Zooey? Maybe only if they run around getting all existentialist and depressed over conflicting religious philosophy…
    You could just change their names every week. My (now deceased) goldfish was Randy Quaid one week, Tsunami the next, etc. He was intuitive enough to know when he was being addressed.
    *sigh* Its just not the same without him.

  23. jenny Says:

    Dr. G: I don’t even know where to start with your list, although Mr and Mrs Butterwurps is a top favorite so far!
    Ash: How about Tongue ‘n Cheek? :)
    Scarlett: You’re back! It’s been ages! I must say, I have a fondness for Fish ‘n Chips – very cute!
    Jessica: Well, they do fight a lot, so maybe Bobby and Whitney would be appropriate.
    Vivian: Ha! That could cause mass confusion, but there are so many options: Up and Down, Down and Out, Here and There, Fox ‘n Socks…
    kevin: One more member of the Beastmaster fan club – soon, we will take over the WORLD!
    Neil: Hmm – maybe that’s not a bad idea. Let’s try this out: “Dancing on the Ceiling! You get away from those fresh flowers!” “That’s What Friends Are For! How many times have I told you not to puke in my shoes?!”
    Heather Anne: NOW we’re talking!
    Jenn: Well, to be honest, none of these are my cats’ real names. They’re very private about their identities, so I had to use aliases online. But I do have about 50 nicknames of them – mostly it’s just Fat Boy and Pretty Girl.
    asia: Sorry to hear about Tsunami Quaid. But yes, pretty much if you raise your voice at the end of a sentence, my cats will respond. “Refrigerator? Come here ‘lil Refrigerator! Shoebox? Are you sleeping, Shoebox?”

  24. TCho Says:

    Oh I was really curious about Men In Trees. And remember when Anne Heche was like THE IT GIRL like 10 years ago. But it’s at a sucky time, and it didn’t look THAT interesting to me. lol

  25. shari Says:

    Bubbles and Squeak! Or perhaps Dalwhinnie and Glenfiddich, or Whinnie and Fiddich for short.

  26. Dustin Says:

    I’m retracting my initial write in for “Luke” and “Leia” in favor of Kodo and Podo purely so I can refer to you as Beastmaster at TequilaCon.
    You ever seen VH1’s I Heart the 80’s: Strikes Back where Donal Logue does his Beastmaster impression? Priceless.

  27. Gillespie Says:

    My opinion…

    Boy = Bond

    Girl = Pussy Galore

    Come on, Pussy Galore is hilarious!!

    (PS…having a contest on http://getoutoflifealive.blogspot.com/2006/09/contest.html
    Click on and try to win!!)

  28. sween Says:

    Superfudge & Margaret
    Prince Michael & Blanket
    Moose & Midge
    Ok, that’s as oblique as I can get in 20 seconds. Deal with it.
    Kodo & Podo does rule though.

  29. Anonymous Says:

    Guns and Roses?

  30. Caitlinator Says:

    I like Guinness and Harp, but not necessarily as cat’s names. That is as far as I’ll go.

  31. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    What is Beastmaster? Or should I ask, what in the hell is Beastmaster?

  32. Anne Says:

    I’m not sure what it says about me, but of the choices listed Donny and Marie cracks me up. I think I would grin every time I said that.
    I used to have a couple of dogs that I was considering renaming to Shut-up and Quit-it.

  33. Liz B. Says:

    Since they are boy and girl and so very clearly Siamese…
    What about Mongkut and Anna?
    et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.