Fat Cats
I took my cats to the vet on Wednesday for their annual checkup, and after giving them their shots and a few cat treats, the vet told me that my cats were overweight.
I glared at her, then shoved her shoulder – hard – and said, “Oh yeah? Well… shut up! Maybe that lab coat makes you look really boxy yourself!”
And then I took the jar of cat treats and smashed it on the floor, knocked over a bin of cotton swabs, ran into the back room and released all the animals from their fat camp prison, screaming, “Go, ‘lil babies! Run away, while you still can! Live your lives the way you want to! You’re beautiful just the way you are!”
Well, I didn’t really do that, but that’s exactly what I thought about doing as she handed me two complimentary cans of diet cat food. Nobody tells me my cats are fat without getting a sound imaginary beating, that’s for sure. Shit.
Filed under: General on November 27th, 2006
November 27th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
lol..Societal expectations are just unreal these days. I blame the fashion industry.
I hear French cats don’t get fat.
November 27th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
i took my cat to the vet and his shots made him throw up all night and he caught a cold and is now very depressed. vets are not high on my list of favorite people right now.
November 27th, 2006 at 12:59 pm
I love having imaginary agrguments in my head. But when I do it, I think, “Okay, and then they’ll say….” And then I’ll tell them, ‘Blah, blah, blah…” I like to give the other guy a voice and then tear them down.
November 27th, 2006 at 1:00 pm
Screw the vet. As long as their fur still fits, don’t worry about it.
Sizeist bastards
November 27th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
Uh Jenny? Yeah, this is the Fatness Protection Program calling. We understand you’ve recently been the victim of a threat to your cats’ fatness, and we’re here to help. Please call our hotline at 1-800-EAT-MORE for encouraging messages about the benefits of cat food intake, while you wait for one of our Fat Cat Enablers to assist you. Thank you.
November 27th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
My childhood cat was always fat. I’m back at my mom’s now for Thanksgiving and the cat is skinny! I keep asking my mom if it’s okay that she is this small? Will the wind break her? How does she walk?
November 27th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
Sarah: I know – French cats are totally thin, but that’s because they have to walk everywhere. American cats are always, “Can’t we just drive there?”
kat: Oh no! Cutest kitty in the world is depressed? The vet probably whispered in his ear that the Persian in the waiting room was way prettier. Vets are always pitting the animals against one another.
Churlita: In my imaginary arguments, people are mostly just dumbstruck. In this scenario, the vet just kept saying, “But… wha-? I…! You can’t…”
Tracy Lynn: Yup, their fur totally fits – it’s roomy, actually, so they’ve got some catching up to do over the holidays!
shari: Nice, really nice. I called that number and it was a phone sex hotline! I thought I could trust you.
Abigail: Yeah, apparently cats aren’t supposed to have little saddle bags of fat hanging from their bellies. I thought they needed them to survive – kind of like camels. I was wrong.
November 27th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Does your vet think runway models look good?
It’s wrong! People and Cats need some meat on’em
November 27th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
Seeing as your photo illustrates you have Siamese cats, I can see how the vet was confused. Sure it’s one cat, so it seems overweight, but when you factor in 8 legs instead of 4 (really, you’d think the vet would’ve noticed them all), it starts to make sense.
November 27th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Uh oh, if Skinny and Skinnier here are overweight, my cat Temecula is morbidly obese. As I type this, I’m realizing the pants that I’m wearing are at least once size too small, and this morning I had an “after breakfast snack” of three cookies. Maybe Temecula should start feeding me Max Cat Lite.
November 27th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
That bitch! How DARE she insult the cats! They are so gorgeous!
November 27th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Wow…I’m so glad I read this post AFTER gorging myself on dinner tonight in your presence.
Had a blast with you!
November 28th, 2006 at 7:49 am
Mad William: She probably does! I refuse to have Kate Moss cats!
Claire: Seriously – I just burst out laughing!
Cheryl: I’ve tasted the Max Cat Lite – it’s nasty. Stick to the 3 cookie breakfast – trust me!
sbukophile: EXACTLY! Thanks for your support.
Jessica: I hate to blow your cover, but you barely ate half your burger. I think I ate more than you and Scott combined. And why am I so hungover…?
November 28th, 2006 at 9:28 am
wait, those are cats?
/sets milk bucket down and takes ten steps back
ohhhhh, yeah. i see it now.
November 28th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Is there Atkins for Kitties™? I want to see you unleash a can of whoop ass.
November 28th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Jenny, the Phat Kamp Doktor has been found, she will punished, she will go down hard! The nightmare begins,see my blog.
November 29th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
You’re cats aren’t fat, they are fluffy.
November 30th, 2006 at 12:18 am
You had me at “Shit.”
November 30th, 2006 at 10:58 am
That is kinda insulting. My guess is that she is shilling for the diet cat food company, so she tells all the cat owners that their cats are fat.
November 30th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Pssht! This is exactly why I have been putting off taking the girls to the vet for so long…well, that and the ridiculous cost.
My bigger kitty is at 14 lbs now. And that’s small compared to my friend’s 19lb cat!! I love the whole idea that they’re fine as long as their fur fits. Exactly!
November 30th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Don’t you worry about a few extra ounces on Maddox and Zahara, Jen. You must have your hands full, what with the challenges of owning Siamese cats. Those brave, brave kitties! God bless their furry little hearts!
December 2nd, 2006 at 2:17 am
Even my cats were becoming too much weighty. I took them to the vet for their regular check up n the doc said that they need to play a lot so as tp losse theit fats….you can check out this post on black cats as it seemed quite interesting to me….hope u’ll like it too!