Weekend Commentary

1. There is no better housecleaning music than Mariah Carey. Sure, it took me 20 minutes to make my bed because I had to keep playing Heartbreaker over and over again, but I’m telling you – that bed would pass any military inspection you could throw my way. If I didn’t need all my quarters for laundry today, you would be able to see that quarter ricochet off my sheets and embed itself in the ceiling. I also considered taping Swiffers to my feet while listening to Fantasy, but that just seemed a bit over the top and maybe a little dangerous.
2. I’ve been telling my cats that in order for them to take first place in the upcoming cat show, they need to get used to letting people hold them like babies. They also need to keep their claws trimmed and stop meowing so loudly and pacing around the house at night. I told them that no Purina Champions on record have ever vomited in their owner’s shoes, so they need to gain better control over their gastrointestinal systems. There is no upcoming cat show, but my cats have a poor concept of time, so I think I can keep putting them off.
3. There’s no use fighting the rhythm. It’s gonna get you no matter what.
4. For the first time in my life, I bought a gallon of milk. Not a half-gallon. Not a Chug. But an entire gallon. I may be from Wisconsin, but milk just isn’t my thing. Maybe it’s because my mother is Sicilian and she always says that Sicilians are lactose intolerant by nature. But how come we eat all that cheese, I ask? That’s… different. Besides, she says, name me one other mammal that drinks milk after infancy. I’m at a loss, and am easily won over by this sound, logical argument.
In spite of that, for some reason I feel compelled to try to drink this entire gallon of milk before it turns. I tried to find a gallon with the furthest out expiration date possible, so I have until April 13th to accomplish this feat. I will be tracking my milk-consumption progress through time-series photographs starting today.
milk 1
milk 3
milk 4
milk 5
milk 6
milk 7

22 Responses to “Weekend Commentary”

  1. Hilly Says:

    Yes, that rhythm is a dancer ;).
    Okay so maybe there is something to this Italians not liking milk thing. I totally cannot in any way, shape or form think of milk as a beverage. It is a condiment, and a barely tolerated one at that!

  2. Laurel Says:

    I’m afraid that I have to challenge your housecleaning musicality with ABBA “Gold”. So much easier to be a dancing queen whilst pushing a vacuum cleaner…
    It too have tried threats on my cat regarding her shedding. Telling her that one day she’ll end up bald and will have to wear a hideous sweater doesn’t seem to do much for the continous layer of cat fur that I constantly battle…
    Good luck with that milk thing. I can’t remember the last time I bought milk. Although I do have an unopened package of double stuff Oreos simply crying out for a beverage to accompany them, so I may have to give in…

  3. Dave2 Says:

    Ovaltine? That’s cheating! Ovaltine turns milk into candy! :-)

  4. jenny Says:

    hilly: exactly! it’s an ingredient – nothing more!
    laurel: ooh – props for abba, definitely. i like the sweater threat… i hadn’t even considered addressing the shedding issue!
    dave2: but i tried, really! i got halfway through and decided it needed just a little something. plus – ovaltine’s chock full of vitamins, haven’t you heard?

  5. claire Says:

    ovaltine, eh? I’m more of a Nestle Quik girl myself- don’t know about vitamins, but it does have extra calcium. Good luck with the gallon!

  6. Rhea Says:

    Jen, you are one gutsy woman. A whole gallon of milk. Even I wouldn’t attempt that. Good luck. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to kill off a gallon of milk by just drinking it. If you make something with it like New England clam chowder that would help you to get through it before the expiration date.

  7. sandra Says:

    I don’t know that I’ve ever purchased a whole gallon of milk either! If I didn’t have a hideous cold right now (see: dairy BAD) I might join you in the dairy challenge.

  8. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    So, if you are really, really having trouble finishing that gallon of …. urp….milk, I bet that there is a bakery near your house. I’m thinking that you might have to buy a big chocolate layer cake. Goodbye gallon of milk!

  9. Iron Fist Says:

    I plan to check in every day to monitor your progress on that gallon of milk. I know you can do it, Jenny. And every morning as I drink my own glass of breakfast milk, I will pause and have a moment of silence for you and your milk-drinking odyssey.

  10. jenny Says:

    claire: you know, i don’t know that i’ve ever tried nestle quik… maybe i’ll need to get some to help choke down this gallon.
    rhea: you read my mind – i’ve been thinking of all the things i know how to cook that require milk. let’s see… cereal, macaroni and cheese… i guess that’s about it.
    sandra: but who’s going to do blue steel w/ me to celebrate finishing the gallon? hope you feel better soon!
    fiorello: mmmm. chocolate cake.
    iron fist: uh oh – that means i really need to go through with this! i won’t let you down!

  11. Geeky Tai-Tai Says:

    My boys used to “polish” our front hall floor by using it as a skating rink with their socks. It really did the trick. I also had to buy gallons of milk every week. Now that they’re grown up, my husband and I barely drink half a gallon a week. So, I’m impressed with your latest milk-drinking endeavor. Good luck!

  12. churlita Says:

    There may not be any use in fighting the rhythm, but I’ve known some people who fought the rhythm method and lost.
    Good luck on your milk drinking challenge.

  13. Postmodern Sass Says:

    Them sheets look mightly wrinkly to me, missy.

  14. jenny Says:

    geeky tai tai: hey – now that’s an idea! maybe i can put some murphy’s oil soap on my socks while i rock out to mariah next time…
    churlita: so rhythm method is gonna get you, too, huh? good to know.
    sass: sheets? surely you don’t actually think i’m setting glasses of milk and ovaltine on my freshly made bed, do you?

  15. Karen Says:

    Milk is nasty. I’ll eat the cow, but I don’t want anything that comes OUT of it.

  16. Karl Says:

    Walking that razor’s edge with the milk, Jen.

  17. claire Says:

    You should try it. I’ve always thought it tasted much, much better than ovaltine.

  18. mainja Says:

    umm, isn’t all skim milk fat-free? isn’t that the point of skim-milk? sorry, apparently i needed to use your blog as a forum to randomly complain about the packaging on your milk.
    a little kaluha will make the milk go down very nicely, very nicely indeed…

  19. jenny Says:

    karen: amen, sister!
    karl: i can be pretty radical when i put my mind to it…
    claire: but will it make me feel like it’s okay that i don’t eat a lot of vegetables? because that’s what ovaltine does for me. :)
    mainja: you can use this blog for whatever forum you want, unless it involves cialis or hoodia. i already get enough comments about that. ;)

  20. dee-dee Says:

    After years of trying to convince you to drink milk – I’m so glad you finally broke down and bought a gallon. You better go out and buy some Sugar Smacks, Capn Crunch and Count Chocula or your never gonna make that expiration deadline!

  21. Suebob Says:

    When I have too much milk, I make cheese. All it takes is milk and lemon juice. And it is really tasty, too. Just google “Panir” or “Paneer” for a recipe.

  22. claire Says:

    Hmm… I haven’t read the label in quite some time so I’m not sure. Maybe though.
    Ooh, pudding! You make that with milk and it’s ridiculously easy. That could even segue into pie if you pick up a crust and some whipped cream. Mmm, pie.