Mea Culpa

When a woman approaches you in line at the Jewel photo counter after you just saw her get turned away from the liquor department for sneaking a third free sample mini-shot of Malibu, you can expect – with almost 100% certainty – that your conversation isn’t going to go well.
“Hey. HEY! Lemme ask you something.”
I turn my head slightly.
“So lemme ask you this. Say you live in a building, and that building just put up some new rules that they didn’t tell you about. And then you break one of those rules – that you didn’t even know about because they decided not to tell anybody about them. And then the building manager calls you a fat bitch. What would you do?”
I raise my eyebrows and shrug my shoulders.
“No, for real. I’m asking you. What would you do?”
“That just seems wrong.”
“Yeah, and then he calls you a stupid fat bitch. What would you do?”
“I don’t know… complain to the landlord?”
“And that manager should get his ass fired, right?”
“Mmm, yeah. Maybe.”
I pay for my photos and walk away. As I leave, I see the woman handing out free samples of Malibu and bug out my eyes at her. She raises her eyebrows and shrugs her shoulders.

12 Responses to “Mea Culpa”

  1. RW Says:

    rolls eyes

  2. Dave2 Says:

    That poor landlord! Now he’s going to have to listen to some stupid fat bitch ranting about her building manager! Even worse, the guy is probably going to end up having to fire the manager and then waste his valuable time finding a new one to hire.
    This landlord’s life is going to become a living hell, and it’s all your fault! How DO you sleep at night?
    So much for my dreams of becoming a landlord! :-(

  3. karen Says:

    Wait, where do they give out free shots of malibu?

  4. sandra Says:

    Is it wrong that I absolutely cherish random conversations with people like that woman? Randomness = generally fun. Or funny, anyway.

  5. jenny Says:

    RW: no, you’re supposed to bug out your eyes. yeah, like that.
    dave2: yeah… i’m pretty sure no one is taking HR advice from this woman. i think the building manager’s job is safe. :)
    karen: i know! is that normal? do other grocery stores give out samples of liquor, or is it just mine?
    sandra: not wrong at all – they are generally fun, although i’m glad i got out of there before she got her fourth shot of malibu…

  6. shari Says:

    If they ever start handing out samples of single malt, I’m pretty sure I’ll be that woman. Except, of course, I don’t live in an apartment.

  7. peefer Says:

    Yo shari! Ms. Abs! You would also have to be stupid and fat. (Oh, it hurts to laugh so hard.) Just drink your sample and shusshh it, okay.

  8. churlita Says:

    Okay, I need to move away from Iowa. I’ve never been to a store here that handed out free mini shots of Malibu, or had anyone ask me what I’d do if my apartment manager called me a stupid fat bitch. I feel like I’m missing out on so much livin’ here.

  9. Tracy Lynn Says:

    It’s almost like you emit some sort of crazy-freak-attracting pheromone, Jenny.

  10. Bobby Says:

    I would have grabbed her purse and ran . . . just to make her conspiratorially warped view of the world more complete.

  11. Laurel Says:

    I’m the type who looks at these chance encounters as a way to really stir up some s#!^. Ya know, just to see what would happen next. “Yeah, and then he calls you a stupid fat bitch. What would you do?” My reply would be either “I would agree with him” (and be prepared to run away; although how fast she could run after multiple Malibu shots is debateable)…) or “Well, do YOU think you’re a stupid fat bitch?” Just to see where she would go with it…

  12. jenny Says:

    shari: if they start handing out single malt, you’ll have to fight me for it!
    peefer: ooooh, you better run!
    churlita: yeah, we have everything cool here. why go to a bar when i can go to the grocery store?
    tracy lynn: i’m starting to think so…
    bobby: she was more the “keep all your belongings in your pockets” kind of a gal.
    laurel: just make sure you’ve got the car running outside… this chick was craaaaazy.

Leave a Reply