Movie Reviews – As Told By My Nephews

A = my 7-year old nephew
S = my 9-year old nephew
Me = me
::SPOILER ALERTS! SPOILER ALERTS! Read at your own risk!::
Blades of Glory
Me: “So what did you end up watching at the hotel last night?”
A: “Last night? Oh! We watched Blades of Glory with Will Ferrell. It was sooo funny!”
Me: “Really?”
A: “Oh, yeah. There’s this one part where Will Ferrell starts singing, ‘Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk. I’m gonna get you drunk. Get you love drunk off my humps…”
Me: “Um… that’s really probably not a good song for you to be singing.”
A: “Yeah, my mom said the same thing… she said it’s not a song for 7-year olds. What’s a lady hump anyway?”
Me: “A lady hump? Mmm… I… I don’t know.”
S: “Camels have humps.”
A: “Oh, so maybe it’s like her spine.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s probably it.”
The Simpsons Movie
S: “Aunt Jenny, did you see The Simpsons Movie?”
Me: “No, not yet. Did you?”
S: “Yeah, Dad took us last week. It was hilarious!”
Me: “Yeah, I love the Simp-“
S: “Okay, so there’s this one part where Homer is hammering a nail, and it smashes his finger, but then there’s this other part where he’s about to hit a nail…”
A: “And you totally think he’s going to hit his finger…”
S: “But then he doesn’t, because the hammer goes right in his eye!”
Me: “That’s awesome. Did you see that one commercial he’s-“
S: “And then there’s this other part where he has a pig and Marge is like, ‘Why are there footprints on my ceiling?’ and then you see Homer holding the pig up to the ceiling and going, ‘Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does.’ It’s totally hilarious!”
Me: “Oh, I think I saw that in the ad on-“
A: “But my favorite part was when Bart was skateboarding naked!”
S: “Oh yeah, and then they keep covering him up like with bushes and mailboxes and stuff so you can’t see him, but then there’s this one part where you totally see him naked!”
A: “You see his doodle!”
Me: “Doodle?”
A and S: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
S: “And then he’s handcuffed naked and Nelson is like, ‘Ha HA!’ and then Nelson’s mom comes by and she goes, ‘Ha HA!’”
A: “His mom did the same thing! It was so funny!”
Me: “Wow, so it sounds like you guys rea-“
S: “Oh Aunt Jenny – then there’s this one part where there’s this whole giant silo that says ‘Pig Crap’ on it, and someone’s like, ‘How did that pig fill up that whole silo so fast?’ And then Homer goes, ‘I helped.’ It was so funny.”
A: “Homer helped fill up the poop!”
S: “Oh, but remember the Itchy and Scratchy part?”
A: “What? When the bombs blew up in his mouth? Yeah, that was so good!”
S: “Yeah, that was good.”
So in a nutshell, Blades of Glory is hilarious with a great soundtrack, and The Simpsons Movie is totally hilarious and has poop. Save me a balcony seat!

10 Responses to “Movie Reviews – As Told By My Nephews”

  1. Jennie Says:

    Should I be worried that when I was telling my friend about The Simpsons Movie, my review sounded a lot like the review your nephews gave you? Heh, doodle.

  2. Iron Fist Says:

    Awesome. Tell your nephews I said ‘thanks’ — I’m pretty sure that with them hitting all the highlights of the Simpsons Movie I don’t need to see it now.

  3. sizzle Says:

    i love how excited they are. ha ha.

  4. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Any movie involving a silo full of poop is certainly worth watching.
    Also, while I’m relatively certain as to what ‘lady humps’ refer to, I’m still a little lost on how one would get drunk off them. Gosh. I feel so naive.
    “Dear Blackeyed Peas,
    Regarding these humps that you speak of, involving the drunk-making whatnot….”

  5. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Any movie involving a silo full of poop is certainly worth watching.
    Also, while I’m relatively certain as to what ‘lady humps’ refer to, I’m still a little lost on how one would get drunk off them. Gosh. I feel so naive.
    “Dear Blackeyed Peas,
    Regarding these humps that you speak of, involving the drunk-making whatnot….”

  6. shari Says:

    So, “S” stands for Siskel, but I thought Aibert was spelled with an “E”. Artists, poets, movie critics… is there nothing those kids can’t do?

  7. jenny Says:

    jennie: not at all – these two are well ahead of their time. ;)
    iron fist: oh, i left out a few of the other highlights – this review went on for about 20 minutes…
    sizzle: seriously! my older nephew was pacing the entire time he was telling me about it!
    sir: i always look for a good poo-filled silo as the mark of cinematic excellence.
    shari: if there is, i haven’t found it yet. my younger nephew even tried out his wine-tasting chops this weekend as he stole a sip of my wine: “this one makes my mouth dry.”

  8. churlita Says:

    Doodles and silos full of poop? What’s not to like?

  9. Mad WIlliam Says:

    Those are the best reviews yet.
    Anything with a spider pig has to be good.

  10. Dustin Says:

    Wow, that’s like every movie conversation I’ve ever had with KJ. Right down to the part where I constantly interrupt her and laugh when she says “doodle.”

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