Movie Reviews – As Told By My Nephews

A = my 7-year old nephew
S = my 9-year old nephew
Me = me
::SPOILER ALERTS! SPOILER ALERTS! Read at your own risk!::
Blades of Glory
Me: “So what did you end up watching at the hotel last night?”
A: “Last night? Oh! We watched Blades of Glory with Will Ferrell. It was sooo funny!”
Me: “Really?”
A: “Oh, yeah. There’s this one part where Will Ferrell starts singing, ‘Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk. I’m gonna get you drunk. Get you love drunk off my humps…”
Me: “Um… that’s really probably not a good song for you to be singing.”
A: “Yeah, my mom said the same thing… she said it’s not a song for 7-year olds. What’s a lady hump anyway?”
Me: “A lady hump? Mmm… I… I don’t know.”
S: “Camels have humps.”
A: “Oh, so maybe it’s like her spine.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s probably it.”
The Simpsons Movie
S: “Aunt Jenny, did you see The Simpsons Movie?”
Me: “No, not yet. Did you?”
S: “Yeah, Dad took us last week. It was hilarious!”
Me: “Yeah, I love the Simp-“
S: “Okay, so there’s this one part where Homer is hammering a nail, and it smashes his finger, but then there’s this other part where he’s about to hit a nail…”
A: “And you totally think he’s going to hit his finger…”
S: “But then he doesn’t, because the hammer goes right in his eye!”
Me: “That’s awesome. Did you see that one commercial he’s-“
S: “And then there’s this other part where he has a pig and Marge is like, ‘Why are there footprints on my ceiling?’ and then you see Homer holding the pig up to the ceiling and going, ‘Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does.’ It’s totally hilarious!”
Me: “Oh, I think I saw that in the ad on-“
A: “But my favorite part was when Bart was skateboarding naked!”
S: “Oh yeah, and then they keep covering him up like with bushes and mailboxes and stuff so you can’t see him, but then there’s this one part where you totally see him naked!”
A: “You see his doodle!”
Me: “Doodle?”
S: “And then he’s handcuffed naked and Nelson is like, ‘Ha HA!’ and then Nelson’s mom comes by and she goes, ‘Ha HA!’”
A: “His mom did the same thing! It was so funny!”
Me: “Wow, so it sounds like you guys rea-“
S: “Oh Aunt Jenny – then there’s this one part where there’s this whole giant silo that says ‘Pig Crap’ on it, and someone’s like, ‘How did that pig fill up that whole silo so fast?’ And then Homer goes, ‘I helped.’ It was so funny.”
A: “Homer helped fill up the poop!”
S: “Oh, but remember the Itchy and Scratchy part?”
A: “What? When the bombs blew up in his mouth? Yeah, that was so good!”
S: “Yeah, that was good.”
So in a nutshell, Blades of Glory is hilarious with a great soundtrack, and The Simpsons Movie is totally hilarious and has poop. Save me a balcony seat!

Drunk Dial

Last night, I did something I’m embarrassed about. It just happened, you know? I was having that whole internal debate: I should call. No, I can’t call. Don’t call. She’s doing fine without you. It’s a bad idea. But I totally want to call. Just one quick call. I think he might need me tonight. But I’ll regret it tomorrow, I know I will. I really need to call. I’m not gonna call. I won’t call.
But then I called. Both of them. I feel so ashamed.
I was just sitting there on the couch, and then before I knew what was happening, the phone was in my hand, and I was voting for Sabra and Danny on my favorite show, So You Think You Can Dance. Have I reached a new low? Perhaps. But it felt good in the moment.