What I Got
I got a lot of things last week in Portland. First of all, I got an Old Fashioned.
Then inside that Old Fashioned, I got an ice cube. Frozen atop that ice cube, I got a cigarette butt.
That’s when I got the manager (or rather, our hostess with the mostess, Sibyl, got the manager).
Then I got an apology, a free tray of salted nuts and a round of drinks on the house.
Suddenly, I got a guilty conscience, because really, it was just a little cigarette filter, and I thought it was pretty funny, but the management at that swank establishment took the matter very seriously so later, we also got free cake that was delicious.
After I got a couple gin martinis with extra olives…
…Sibyl got us some games to play.
I got tired of Brandon’s cheating, so I started coloring.
Asia got inspired to draw Crayola portraits of Vahid.
At several points during the evening, I got to laughing so hard that a steady stream of tears flowed from my eyes, enough to fill a martini glass.
Later, I got propositioned by a 60 year old man who gave me a five-dollar bill with his room number written on it in red crayon. I got offended, because it would have taken at least a twenty and a ball point pen to get me in his room.
I got up to leave, and I bid farewell to my friends until the next evening.
After I got off work the next day, I met everyone – now including Dustin, his scientist wife KJ, and their friend Gabby – for dinner later that night. We got macaroni and cheese, because that’s what you do in Portland.
As we headed to our next destination, I got really cold because we were walking for at least three miles in the rain past mountains of burning tires to a bar that served bitter beer, cider and chocolate chip cookies.
Later, we got to release our inner badasses with the knuckle tattoos Vahid brought.
Some of us got hungry again, so we left to get some dessert. I got a little nostalgic and a lot territorial over my banana and Nutella crêpe.
It got to be late, and I got really tired, so we ended another memorable evening together.
It wasn’t until the next morning at the airport when I opened up my backpack that I remembered that on top of everything else, I also got Chlamydia from Vahid. I can’t wait until my next visit.
Filed under: General on December 17th, 2007
December 16th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Wow, looks like a nice time!! Knuckle tatooes look like something I’d TOTALLY be into.
And it was very nice of the restaurant to give you free drinks and dessert.
December 16th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Well, I think that this may possibly be the MOST hysterically funny piece you have ever written. I can type no more because I am running for a Kleenex.
December 16th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
In that old man’s defense, he DID ask us for a black pen or a Sharpie, but probably had to resort to crayon when I wouldn’t let him sit down.
And in MY defense, I want you to know that I don’t give chlamydia to just ANYONE, you know.
December 16th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Wow… I never thought I’d find myself wanting Chlamydia, but it would look really good on my bookshelf.
December 16th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
THB: everyone should try knuckle tattoos at least once. and the manager really was great – i felt kinda bad.
fiorello: and i thought it was just funny to me!
vahid: speaking of who got what, that man almost got a black eye from one iron fist. and i promise never to give chlamydia to anyone. herpum is another story though…
dave2: i know! vahid has really taken all the fear out of STDs for me. i say bring ‘em on – they’re damn cuddly!
December 17th, 2007 at 9:26 am
Maybe they thought you ordered a COLD FILTERED old fashioned?
Ugh. This joke might have been funny at the time. Damn my slow, feeble brain!
December 17th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Damn, you mean instead of living in a warm/sunny climate I could have men giving me money AND their room number? Maybe there is something to be said for the PacNW…
Vahid certainly is a thoughtful gift-giver, isn’t he? Knuckle tats and an STD. Can I pick a blog crush or what?!
December 17th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Wait–no one has commented on the _arms_ yet? The outrageously buff, sculpted, naked _arms_?
Jenny, I thought this year’s theme was “more fun” or “pretzels & scotch” not “arms of steel”. Did I miss something?
December 17th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
brandon: yeah, right. you and your slow, feeble brain are exactly why i was crying laughing all night long.
laurel: i’m guessing that florida has more than its share of potential sugar daddies… you just need to focus more.
communicatrix: okay, you just earned LIFE-TIME blog crush status for that comment… but the girl scout in me must confess that it’s totally trick photography. i may steal the idea, though, and make 2008 all about arms of steel!
December 17th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Who knew bloggers were such hateful thugs? I may have to start seeking some out now.
December 18th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
***runs away, sobbing***
Oh, and also? I know you said you ate mac and cheese because “that’s what you do in Portland,” but I know the truth: you ate mac and cheese for me. Thank you.