It’s time to play… CATWHEEL! OF! FUN!

I’ve often heard that if you forget to feed your cats before leaving for work in the morning twice in the same week, they will never let you live down this offense. For the next month, studies have shown that they will tangle around your ankles every time you walk to the kitchen, and then circle their food bowls like madmen, even once you have consistently remembered to feed them two weeks in a row.
Additionally, a recent poll of pet owners across the US found that cats who have suffered this treatment will occasionally look up at their owners while licking the bottom of an empty stainless steel food bowl just to prove a point.
Fortunately, our research has shown that a significant improvement in the overall levels of cat-human trust can be achieved through bribery. Specifically, bribery in the form of a CATWHEEL! OF! FUN!
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As you can see, three out of three cats approve of the Catwheel! Of! Fun! Eventually, over the course of the next five to seven years, the majority of cats are able to overcome their resentment toward humankind and their general fear of neglect and abandonment.
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That is, of course, unless the Catwheel! Of! Fun! is incorrectly assembled and the sheer weight of two hefty cats – who clearly could stand to skip a few more meals – turns it into the collapsible Catwheel! Of! Death!
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Our evidence indicates that the emotional damage in that scenario will be irreparable.

18 Responses to “It’s time to play… CATWHEEL! OF! FUN!”

  1. sween Says:

    Damn. When I read “Catwheel”, I assumed the cats would get in it and then it would roll around in unexpected and “FUN!” ways.
    Well, I guess rolling on its side *is* unexpected…

  2. Valerie Says:

    OK, so I love how it really is called CATWHEEL OF FUN.
    I could throw a newspaper in the middle of the floor and my cats would be on top of it instantaneously. Something about new things on the floor gets them all excited.

  3. Dave2 Says:

    This reminds me of when my Cuisinart went from salsa-making fun to whirling blades of death. I am scared of the thing even today, and keep in unplugged… just in case…

  4. shari Says:

    Brown paper bag on the floor + catnip sachet = Catbag! Of! (Really Cheap) Fun! (without all the pesky bodily harm of collapsible technology).

  5. Carrington Says:

    For some reason (let’s call it “because I’m a dog lover,” to pick a phrase at random) I read “Catwheel of Fun” as “Catherine Wheel of Fun.”
    Because, you know, indoor fireworks, incorrect assembly, and a pair of cats is an unbeatable combination when it comes to photo opportunities.
    By “photo opportunities,” of course, I mean “visits by the SPCA.” I get those mixed up sometimes.

  6. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Cat #1: Oh, this is such BULLSH*T!
    Cat #2: It’s on.
    Cat #1: It is totally on.
    You might want to start sleeping with one eye open.

  7. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Cat #1: Oh, this is such BULLSH*T!
    Cat #2: It’s on.
    Cat #1: It is totally on.
    You might want to start sleeping with one eye open.

  8. jenny Says:

    sween: i kind of thought it was like a hamster wheel at first too, but i guess that would be a bad idea…
    valerie: yeah – what is it with cats and anything on the floor? same goes for anything i set on my bed.
    dave2: you own a cuisinart? you’re a brave soul!
    shari: you’re like the little rascals of cat toys – making your own fun, just hanging out with spanky and the gang! who needs money?
    carrington: i will not be bringing my cats to tequilacon to meet you. at least not until the bouncers frisk you to check for fireworks.
    sir: eh. they’ve been threatening to kill me for years and never gone through with it. they’re like the cats who cried wolf.

  9. Tracy Lynn Says:

    They’re just waiting until they can make it look like an accident. But every time they think they are in the clear, you do another post and they have to delay again.
    In much the same fashion have I forestalled Los Gatos plans for Total! World! Domination!

  10. claire Says:

    Pickles! Please tell me he’s all right. (I had a bit of an incident while shooting some little rubber/plastic goats I got for xmas. One leapt from the top rail of the deck and broke her impossible to find horns some 15 ft. below.)
    Love that second shot though. Sometimes your subjects have to suffer for art.

  11. vahid Says:

    Ungrateful little buggers. You go out of your way to get them a nice new piece of furniture, and what do they do? Topple it! I mean c’mon, you can tell that was so totally on purpose.

  12. asia Says:

    Willie has been giving me the cold shoulder for weeks because I wont get up at 4:45am and scratch her back violently while she eats breakfast. I live a cold and lonely existence with only my husband for companionship now.
    What is the recourse for women in our position? How do we win back the cat love we need, and deserve. Should we write a self-help book about this?

  13. Cheryl Says:

    Oh my god, Pickles! Somebody get the Jaws! Of! Life!

  14. communicatrix Says:

    Why is it so much fun to laugh at cats?
    I don’t know. But it is.
    And, after 46 years of laughter, I suspect it will never get old.
    Oh–and you are *so* f*cked the next time you want to, say, stay out late after work for a cocktail.
    Of course, given 2008’s beverage, maybe staying in is a better bet all around.

  15. jenny Says:

    tracy lynn: is that why? i might have to leave a note somewhere stating, “if i ever go missing, talk to my cats.”
    claire: thank you for your concern for pickles. fortunately, he escaped unharmed.
    vahid: of course they did. in fact, i think they might have been trying to kill pickles.
    asia: let’s set up a self-help blog with useful tips on how to keep the excitement in a cat/person relationship. Tip #17: Buy catnip scented perfume. Tip #43: Remember to appreciate the little things, like hairballs left in shoes.
    cheryl: thankfully, the flight for life helicopter was at the ready!
    communicatrix: oh, i haven’t even revealed the NEW 2008 drink yet! it will rock your world!

  16. dee-dee Says:

    it was really creepy this week when i stayed over and opened my eyes to see pickles glaring at me from the Cat-Wheel-of-Fun…eek!

  17. sandra Says:

    Feline bribery…I like it.
    If it makes you feel better, I’ve seen studies which say that if a person is visiting their mom over Christmas and literally the only thing she asks them to do is to feed the dog before bed and that person forgets? Guilt ensues, and the canine bribery involves lots of walks, extra treats and a bit of looking the other way re: furniture-getting-on-top-of

  18. Dustin Says:

    In true lolcat fashion:
    “why you tried to kill us?”
    -kthxbai!

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