Global Thermonuclear War

Shall we play a game? It’s called “I would rather…”
Which of these would you rather do? And keep in mind that there is no “Other” option – you must choose one of these options:
A) Lick all the door handles in a New York City train station bathroom
B) Spend the entire day walking around town naked, and running into all your co-workers, exes and relatives
C) Have four root canals at the same time without anesthesia while listening to Kenny G
D) Have a classmate in your photography class give you the direction to look serious while she takes 300 photos of you at extremely close range and then later that week, have to sit through class while the instructor and all your other classmates critique the photos of your face which, at 10 mexapixels each, highlight everything you hate about the way you look and make it impossible for you to continue deluding yourself into thinking that you are in any way photogenic
Because holy hell, right about now, A through C are sounding mighty appealing. Remind me again why I didn’t take that Blues Harmonica class?

23 Responses to “Global Thermonuclear War”

  1. sizzle Says:

    Oh dear. I was all for doing D but then you made it sound super painful. I guess my runner up would be C? Cuz I am waaaaaay too germaphobic for the licking (even though I enjoy licking some things- ok, TMI) and I would rather do anything other than walk around naked in front of people.

  2. Finn Says:

    Oh! I hate having my picture taken. But naked doesn’t sound so good either. Unless, of course, it’s inside and there’s a beautiful man there who’s naked too.

  3. Avitable Says:

    Well, I’ve already done B and C, so I’d have to go for A.

  4. Dave2 Says:

    As somebody who is hired to retouch images, let me tell you this… even photos of the best-looking people on earth cannot withstand that kind of scrutiny. The superficial beauty we are inundated with on a daily basis is not real, but the height of fantasy.
    So don’t deny your hotness!
    I mean, come on! Seriously… just LOOK at how hot we are!

  5. jenny Says:

    sizzle: if i had your hollywood smile, i’d choose D, too. :)
    finn: sorry, the naked option is definitely outside. i might actually choose A.
    avitable: NO WAY! you listen to kenny g?!?
    dave2: can i hire you to retouch my images? wait… did that sound dirty? and let’s face it, bloggers look damn hot in herds. i should be surrounded by no less than 3 other bloggers at all times.

  6. dingo Says:

    Seriously, I’d look for a new “friend”. No real friend does that to someone they care about. Are you sure she doesn’t secretly hate you?

  7. asia Says:

    i think i would rather go naked. naked isn’t so bad.
    then again, i just survived a three hours certification test so none of the options sound terribly traumatizing. hot coals and broken glass? great! do you want me to eat them or crawl around on my knees for awhile.

  8. vahid Says:

    I dunno, Jenny, I have close-up pictures of you making a “serious face” and they’re pretty hot, even if you are sporting a fake mustache in them.

  9. jenny Says:

    dingo: we just met in class – she’s quite sweet. unfortunately, this is the assignment we all had to do. i just lucked out and got a super photogenic model who knows how to look good in pictures.
    asia: ugh… well, congrats on passing! but if you want to take my place in the next photo assignment, i’ll gladly take your next certification.
    vahid: and that comment is why i adore you so. maybe i should bring fake mustaches for my next assignment… :)

  10. shari Says:

    I was all for the root canals — I mean, they give you DRUGS! — but then you had to throw in Kenny G and that’s just cruel.
    You’ll be fine — you’re beautiful. Think of it as going to an art museum.

  11. delmer Says:

    Maybe the friend taking photographs is just a crap photographer.
    Get her to take a photo of puppies and see how they turn out. Puppies are hard to make look bad but I’ll bet her pictures of them have them coming out looking like demon dogs or worse … Dick Cheney.
    The only photos of me I like are the ones my kids take. If you’ll pay for the air fare I can have them spend 10 weeks or so with you this summer snapping shots of you when you least expect it.

  12. Don Says:

    I’d do B. Hell I’d do B even if what they really said was “Hey, a bee!” I’m funny that way. But what I REALLY wanted to say was, the post title is brilliant. I know exactly what you mean even though the pictures totally defy your characterization. Great eyebrows, frex.

  13. Nee Says:

    Hmmm… tough choice between B and C…. I think I’ll go with roaming about naked (as the emotional pain might prove to be less than the physical)

  14. churlita Says:

    Most of my family are photographers, so I grew up with that experience. I’ve become numb to it…Which explains all the dork-ass photos I put up on my blog.

  15. claire Says:

    At least with B, you’d probably end up in the slammer before too long.
    D seems like it’d be easier, but I like my delusions.
    As a model, do what you can to improve you situation: put the sun behind you, stay out of direct light. Offer to hold a bounce card for some fill light perhaps…

  16. serap Says:

    Oh dear, D does sounds really painful. I’m sure that everyone else thought you looked great, but its a bit like looking in the mirror for too long.. the more I look the less I like, so I just go for brief glances! Personally, I think I’d have to go for B. Very tough choice though (apart from A, that got ruled straight out).

  17. Heather B. Says:

    Regarding D: Um, isn’t that what Flickr is for? Cuz every single day I look at photos of myself on that site and want to punch myself in the face so that maybe I’ll look a tad better. Ugh.

  18. jenny Says:

    shari: you’re very kind. and i know… kenny g counteracts the effects of Novocaine.
    delmer: cool – send them over. wait… 10 weeks? i think i’m being scammed here.
    don: my informal research has shown that 75% of men are nudists at heart, so you’re in good company.
    nee: but on the bright side, at some point, you’d probably just pass out from the pain.
    churlita: i love all your dance party photos!
    claire: hopefully my modeling career is coming to a close…
    serap: you’re totally right – i was being hypercritical.
    heather: that’s exactly why flickr was created! someone in my class wanted to set up a flickr group for the class… no way!

  19. Karl Says:

    I’m gonna go with B. I’ve blogged naked. Anything goes now.

  20. Avitable Says:

    Yeah, Kenny G’s hot. With that hair? I’d totally fuck her.
    Wait – that’s a guy??? Never mind.

  21. Greeneyezz Says:

    Good Lord Woman!! Is the the RunJenRun’s version of Fear Factor?!
    I had a serious gag reflex going on with your first choice. Yuck!
    I’d have to go with D, the close up photos!
    Now why do I have a sudden urge to gargle with Listerine and carry antibacterial wipes whenever I open a door now??
    ~Greeneyezz (and looking a bit green now too!)

  22. teahouseblossom Says:

    Hmm..which New York City train station bathroom?
    I’d take Grand Central over Penn Station any day!

  23. sandra Says:

    A. For sure.

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