Non-Emergency
Sunday
Chicago Non-Emergency, how can I help you?
Hi, I’m calling to report that there is water bubbling up out of a crack in the street by my apartment.
Is the water coming out of a sewer grating?
No, it’s coming out of a crack in the street.
So it’s not coming out of a sewer grating?
No. There is a crack in the street, about a foot or two from the curb, and water is bubbling out of it.
Okay. I’ll just need the address and I can report it.
Great, thanks.
Monday
Chicago Non-Emergency, how can I help you?
Hi, I’m calling to report that there’s a hole in the street and water is bubbling up out of it.
Is the water coming out of a sewer grating?
No, it’s coming out of an actual hole in the street.
So it’s not coming out of a sewer grating?
No. I called yesterday to report that it was coming out of a crack. Now the crack has expanded into a hole about a foot in diameter.
Is it on the curb near a sewer?
There are no sewers anywhere near it. It’s a hole. In the street. With water coming out of it. Seems like a problem to me.
Okay. Can you give me the address? I’ll write it up.
Great, thanks.
Tuesday
Chicago Non-Emergency, how can I help you?
Hi, I’m calling to report a giant sinkhole about three feet wide in the street outside of my apartment with water gushing out of it. And it’s nowhere near a sewer.
It’s not coming out of a sewer grating?
No.
So is it in the street?
Yes, it’s in the street. I called twice now to report this. It started out as a crack. Then it was a hole about a foot wide. Now it’s a hole about three feet wide. At this rate, the entire block will be gone by Friday.
And do you know approximately how wide the hole is?
…
Ma’am?
Yes, it’s approximately three feet wide and one foot deep. Look, people are parking their cars right next to this. Someone from the city needs to come out and at least put up some barricades before it gets any worse.
So it’s in the street along the curb then?
OH MY F*CKING GOD! THERE IS A THREE-FOOT WIDE SINKHOLE IN THE STREET NEAR THE CURB NOT BY A SEWER WITH WATER COMING OUT OF IT AND CARS AND SMALL CHILDREN ARE ABOUT TO BE SWALLOWED UP BY IT IF YOU DON’T SEND SOMEONE TO FIX IT!
And do you have the address?
::Sigh:: Yes, I have the address.
Okay, I’ll write it up.
Great, thanks.
Filed under: General on July 25th, 2008
July 25th, 2008 at 7:51 am
See? All fixed now!
July 25th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Priceless story… perfect example of city public works in action.
July 25th, 2008 at 8:24 am
I don’t get it. It’s not by the sewer?
July 25th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Just so I can be very clear on this… it’s not coming from the sewer grating?
July 25th, 2008 at 8:49 am
I wonder if you are the only one who called about the crack, hole, sinkhole. Seriously. They probably had several people call about it, and a dozen write ups. Good grief. Glad to see it is…um…marked now.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Don’t you feel better knowing that the money you just paid for your city sticker is being used to fix things like this?
July 25th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Wow, way to fix the problem Chicago!
July 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am
elise: i know – i particularly like the board tossed across it. it’s almost like it’s not there anymore.
just bob: i was wondering at what point i should stop calling the non-emergency number and switch to 911. maybe when alligators started crawling out of the hole.
vahid: [puts head in hands and sobs silently]
dave2: for the last time, no! oh wait… did you say “sewer?” oh, yeah. it’s totally coming out of the sewer. i thought you said “skewer.”
HH: it wouldn’t surprise me if no one else called it in. i don’t live in a very community-active neighborhood.
kris: no kidding! but at least the city got to put up another tow-zone sign by the sinkhole. maybe they can make another couple hundred bucks off of it.
sizzle: now that the barricade is up, i’ll be interested to see how long it takes before they actually try to fix it.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Their solution is an orange thing and an inch-thick board that barely fits over the hole?
Well done, Chicago. There’s a dark and evil part of me that would be tempted to ‘accidentally’ step into this hole, wrench my ankle, then sue the city into another dimension.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Their solution is an orange thing and an inch-thick board that barely fits over the hole?
Well done, Chicago. There’s a dark and evil part of me that would be tempted to ‘accidentally’ step into this hole, wrench my ankle, then sue the city into another dimension.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
And just what are your qualifications for making the determination that it’s a sinkhole, or that if it is, it’s a problem? Do you have a degree in civil engineering? I thought not. Please leave such things to the experts, you, you, you… citizen you.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Ah, good. My arch-nemesis The Mole tortured my sidekick Mike for my address, and Mike died screaming a fake one. The ruse worked, excellent. Oh, yeah, go somewhere this weekend.
July 25th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Perhaps you should have told them it was BEER and not water bubbling up from the street. I bet they would have come running.
At least that would have got their attention.
July 25th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
sir: that’s not a bad idea, but since they took my name and number all three times i called, i’d probably have a hard time saying that i didn’t see the hole…
shari: i was to do my civic duty and avoid this: montrose sinkhole.
don: damn that Mole! he’s destroying my fair city!
lisa: now, if it had been spewing beer, i’m pretty confident the rest of the neighborhood would’ve taken notice and started lining up the pitchers!
July 25th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Hmmm, I can see that “Hizzoner, Jr. ” has a great staff.
July 25th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Is your sister sister Venice?
July 25th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
So they built a bridge over it?
Will they turn the water green for St. Paddy’s day? Or is that something they do just to the river?
July 26th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I think you should put on the bunny head and take pictures of you (it) standing next to the sinkhole. I think the sheer creepiness of that spectacle will get it on national news and then maybe the city will come fix it.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
The other day in L.A. an entire freeway was closed down for hours because of a sinkhole/sewer pipe issue. I’m sure there’s a paper trail of phone calls from concerned citizens leading up to the sinkage that’s being shredded as we speak.
July 28th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I think Chicago and my hometown have a lot in common with their problem solving. hehehe
July 28th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
So has the sinkhole swallowed the neighborhood yet?
July 28th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
fiorello: mayor for life!
michelle: well, pretty soon i’m going to need a gondola to cross the street, so maybe it is!
delmer: i’ve actually been fishing in it to see what’s biting.
chase: you know, it has been far too long since Sometimes Rabbit made an appearance here. let’s see if i can make it to cnn.com!
cheryl: i actually got worried about leaving my name the third time, because now i think i’m on the list of people they need to get rid of when scandal hits.
sue: i see we’re in good company, then!
robin: well, they haven’t sent in FEMA yet, but the water is still gushing out a week later, and the board now doesn’t fit across it anymore.