The Buzz


What is that, you ask? Well, aside from being irrefutable evidence that my mother is the BEST gift-giver in the entire universe, it is also quite likely the tool that will one day save my life. Maybe even this weekend.

Late last year, my friends Natasha, Dee-Dee and I signed up for a beekeeping class. It seemed so far away at the time, but now, that weekend has finally arrived. This class has a different significance for each of us. Dee-Dee wants to support local farmers, Natasha wants to overcome her fear of bees, and I want to find financial freedom in the form of sweet, sweet bee honey. Goodbye corporate America, hello Aunt Jenny’s Old Tyme All-Natural Honeycombs and Bee-Related Products!

I’ll sell honey, honey combs, honey sticks, honey candy, honey cakes, honey butter, beeswax candles, beeswax lip balm, beeswax hair gel, honey hair gel, honey lip balm, bee pollen makeup, bee stickers, bee coloring books, and peanut butter and royal jelly sandwiches.

Through what can only be described as fate, my friend Dr. Greene dressed up as a sexy beekeeper for Halloween this year, and ever the perfectionist, he bought a real beekeeper suit for the costume. When he came to visit from DC last weekend, he handed me a bag containing the suit. Natasha claimed dibs on it, since she’s kind of scared of bees, but we’ll share it as we tend to the hives.

I hope to have all sorts of bee-related stories after this weekend, unless I discover that I’m allergic to bee stings, in which case, please tell everyone that I died doing something I loved and was passionate about all my life. Or at least ever since I read about the class a few months ago.

PS: That’s an antique bee-smoker.

15 Responses to “The Buzz”

  1. radioactive tori Says:

    I made peanut butter and jelly bread the other day. You actually put the peanut butter and jelly in the bread before you bake it. Delicious! I bet it would work with honey too. You could make a fortune!

  2. dee-dee Says:

    I do want to support local farmers and save the bees!

  3. eric Says:

    mmmmmm…. smoked bees. *droool*
    you aren’t gonna munch on ‘em like with the gasshoppers / crickets, are ya?
    will you also be providing bee costumes? something in the way of john belushi’s from SNL? ya gotta at least have the antennae. *drool*, antennae.

  4. lizriz Says:

    How cool! Have you seen “The Secret Life of Bees”? It’s a tear-jerker, but the bee keeping scenes are pretty cool. :)

  5. shari Says:

    I’m allergic to bees. So if this works out for you I won’t visit your apiary. Which, really, isn’t much for you to consider since I visit Chicago so often as it is. ;)

  6. asia Says:

    I can’t bring myself to make any bee puns but they are buzzing around in my head. ouch. What goes into the smoker to make smoke anyway? Is that legal?

  7. Don Says:

    I knew immediately the picture was of a pointy-headed dwarf robot sitting on the floor while he tries to pick the lock of a small tin safe fashioned with extreme perspective. But what is in the safe? Why, Aunt Jenny’s Old Tyme All-Natural Apian Nectar, no less, as good as liquid gold, and not just to pointy-headed dwarf robots.

  8. Dave2 Says:

    Bee smoker? Are you tending to these bees or turning them into bee jerkey?!? Poor bees.

  9. claire Says:

    I was thinking a found-object sculpture of a pig on a stand on its side. Sigh.
    Honey is one of my key smoothie ingredients, so I’d give ya some business. Hey, maybe I could start an adjunct: Claire’s Sublime Smoothies made with Aunt Jenny’s Old Tyme All-Natural Honey. Bet the health food crowd around here would go for it.

  10. David Says:

    Aunt Jenny, I don’t believe that all you want to do is start your career as a bees’ pimp of sorts. I believe that your real plan is become a Queen Bee and start a human honeycomb, which will take over the government and the U.N. and will expand its empire over the World, making mandatory being sweet and wearing yellow and black stripes.

  11. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Does ‘antique bee smoker’ translate to ‘olde timey bee bong’?
    Smoking bees will only make you lethargic and kill brain cells. Also, statistics tell us that once you start smoking bees, the next logical step is your becoming a meth fiend. Just say no to bee smoking, Jenny.

  12. vahid Says:

    Sign me up for your mailing list when you open up shop. Smoked bees are an under-appreciated delicacy.

  13. churlita Says:

    Dear Aunt Jenny,
    I would love to see a photo of you in the sexy bee keeper’s outfit.

  14. Jessica Says:

    My dad’s neighbor kept bees until someone reported him and he was forced to shut his hives down…totally not sure that’s the right way to describe it. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not – you get my point.

  15. Cheryl Says:

    Don’t forget to include chocolate-covered honeycomb a la Violet Crumble (, my candy bar of choice during college, in your line of products. That stuff is like crack.

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