Well, if my last opinion poll taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know you at all. I thought you felt like you could say anything to me, but clearly that’s not the case. Obviously it took a random opinion poll for you to be comfortable enough with me to let me know that you liked beef Stroganoff. I’m not mad at you; I just wish you had told me sooner.
All I can say is that I am truly, truly astounded by the results of our last poll. On the controversial topic of “foods we would eat until the end of eternity,” the results came in as:
36% Leftover beef Stroganoff
29% Hamburger flavored pizza puffs
14% Sardines packed in mustard
14% Circus peanuts
7% Chicken and rice cat food with hairball remedy
0% Egg beater omelettes with no salt or butter
There are so many observations that can be made about these results that it’s hard to even comment. The only thing I can say, however, is that the next time I have a potluck dinner, 36% of you will be asked to bring beverages and/or fruit salad.
As excited as I was with the results of this initial poll, it did reveal to me that I need to spend more time getting inside your heads. If we’re ever going to bring our relationship to the next level, we need to focus on sharing our feelings, which is why I’ve decided to sponsor a weekly opinion poll, covering the most pressing topics of our time. The polls will continue until I feel we’ve become closer, until you stop answering, or until I run out of survey ideas, whichever comes first.
So with that, I launch my next opinion poll:
Question: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one singer, and he/she could only sing one of his/her hit songs for eternity, but then ultimately you would have to eat that singer to survive, who would it be?

A: Rod Stewart – Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?
B: Richard Marx – Don’t Mean Nothing
C: Phil Collins – Sussudio
D: Kenny G. – theme from Dying Young
E. Charlotte Church – any song from Voice of an Angel album
G: John Mayer – No Such Thing

I look forward to getting to know you all even just a little bit more than I did a few days ago!

Filed under: Opinion Poll on June 14th, 2005 | 14 Comments »

It struck me today that I have been selfish. Insanely, ridiculously, horribly selfish. All I do on this site is talk about me, me, me. What tap class is Jenny dropping out of now? Which stranger on a train has she divorced this week? What homemade instrument is she, or is she not, currently playing in a hit jug band?
I just haven’t taken the time to get to know you. Your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams. So I’m dedicating an entire feature to getting to know you better. Your opinions are important to me. In fact, maybe they’re better than my own opinions. Maybe my opinions are the wrong opinions. Maybe I should check to see what you think first. Do these shoes go with these pants?
To remedy this egregious oversight, I’m launching the first step in my quest to strengthen our bond. It’s called: The Opinion Poll.
Question: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose? Wait a minute! You can’t just make up any answer at all. This isn’t some sort of anarchy. You’re not in Canada, you know. There’s got to be some structure to this if it is to be an accurate poll. So your choices are as follows:

A. Sardines packed in mustard
B. Leftover beef Stroganoff
C. Hamburger-flavored microwaveable pizza puffs
D. Egg-beater omelettes with no salt or butter
E. Chicken & rice cat food (with hairball remedy)
F. Circus peanuts

Since I run a highly scientific research shop here, I won’t tell you my opinion. Okay, but maybe I’ll just tell you one of the things I didn’t choose. I didn’t choose B, because that is the most repugnant food known to man and should only be fed to prisoners of war when we’re trying to get them to talk. But please don’t let that influence your opinion. Thank you!

Filed under: Opinion Poll on June 8th, 2005 | 17 Comments »