Getting to Know You

It struck me today that I have been selfish. Insanely, ridiculously, horribly selfish. All I do on this site is talk about me, me, me. What tap class is Jenny dropping out of now? Which stranger on a train has she divorced this week? What homemade instrument is she, or is she not, currently playing in a hit jug band?
I just haven’t taken the time to get to know you. Your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams. So I’m dedicating an entire feature to getting to know you better. Your opinions are important to me. In fact, maybe they’re better than my own opinions. Maybe my opinions are the wrong opinions. Maybe I should check to see what you think first. Do these shoes go with these pants?
To remedy this egregious oversight, I’m launching the first step in my quest to strengthen our bond. It’s called: The Opinion Poll.
Question: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose? Wait a minute! You can’t just make up any answer at all. This isn’t some sort of anarchy. You’re not in Canada, you know. There’s got to be some structure to this if it is to be an accurate poll. So your choices are as follows:

    A. Sardines packed in mustard
    B. Leftover beef Stroganoff
    C. Hamburger-flavored microwaveable pizza puffs
    D. Egg-beater omelettes with no salt or butter
    E. Chicken & rice cat food (with hairball remedy)
    F. Circus peanuts

Since I run a highly scientific research shop here, I won’t tell you my opinion. Okay, but maybe I’ll just tell you one of the things I didn’t choose. I didn’t choose B, because that is the most repugnant food known to man and should only be fed to prisoners of war when we’re trying to get them to talk. But please don’t let that influence your opinion. Thank you!

17 Responses to “Getting to Know You”

  1. Dave Says:

    I’m definately going with C. Do those really exist?? Where do I get them?? The acts I could make my stoner roomate perform with those puppies as incentive!! The possibilities (however unethical) are endless!
    Long Live Hamburger-flavored microwaveable pizza puffs!

  2. nicole Says:

    Oh my gosh. I’ve been searching the grocery store and drug stores for circus peanuts for about 2 weeks now without any luck. I have a craving for them. But I doubt I could live on them…yes. Yes I could.

  3. Junebug Says:

    Ummm… I like leftover Stroganoff…???
    I will blame that on the fact that I spent half my life in another country eating WAY WORSE things. Yeah… that’s the ticket. Put me down for “B”. :)

  4. Steve Says:

    Definitely C. Those things are TASTY!

  5. Robert Says:

    It doesn’t matter what you pack them in, I’m not eating sardines.
    I can eat leftover stroganoff once in a while, but every day? un-uh
    D, E, and F are interchangeable. I’ll pass.
    So it’s definitely microwave heaven for me. This isn’t a trick question where we’re not allowed to use the microwave, is it? Because then I’d want to change my answer.

  6. Fiorello LaGuardia Says:

    Jenny, put me down for the sardines. Assuming, of course, that someone with *my* name could add the sardines to a little spaghetti, (after rinsing off the mustard sauce,) add some tomatoes, garlic and black olives. Oh, yeah, and grated cheese. Mmmmmmmmmm!

  7. Dean Says:

    Give me some stroganoff any time, leftover or hot out of the oven. MMMMMM….

  8. Jenny Says:

    Again, not to influence anyone, but I’m shocked that no one has picked E yet. I mean, I like chicken. I like rice. I hate hairballs. What’s not to love?

  9. teahouseblossom Says:

    Definitely the leftover beef stroganoff. Am I allowed to microwave it?

  10. Strode Says:

    I chose B. A sounded like something you would feed prisoners to me. Of course, what do I know? I am stuck in this stupid straightjacket.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    I pick the peanuts because they are the only vegetarian option.
    Love, Vivian

  12. Jenny Says:

    Okay, maybe I wasn’t totally clear. This is THE. REST. OF. YOUR. LIFE. Are that many of you really willing to eat leftover beef Stroganoff until your last dying breath?

    I’m shocked, but I guess this really tells me that I haven’t been paying enough attention to all of you. I thought I knew you, but it’s like we’re meeting for the first time. This may warrant future opinion polls…

    Oh, and Viv? Are circus peanuts really vegetarian? I’m pretty certain they’re made with horse hooves.

  13. hooizz Says:

    im going with the stroganoff – the pizza puffs are so limiting! at least with beef strog, i can pull the crusty stuff off and eat the plain noodles if i want.
    or am i missing the point of this quiz? ha!

  14. The Other Vivian Says:

    Holy crap! How did you know? I love sardines in mustard! I know either a) you’ll think I’m joking or b) I’ll be socially castrated. But I love ‘em. And really, wasn’t it a loaded poll?

  15. Darby Says:

    By circus peanuts do we mean peanuts bought at a circus or do we mean those weird marshmallowy like things that I think I might be imagining, neither of which I’ve ever actually had in my entire life?
    In any case, this is not a question to be answered lightly, and so I reserve the right to perform further and adequate taste tests before I commit to a decision.

  16. Jenny Says:

    H: the image of “pulling the crusty stuff” off of beef Stroganoff just made my throat close. And people wonder why the mere thought of it makes me gag?

    V: no, I don’t think you’re kidding. I actually really like sardines, although I’ve never had the ones in mustard – just oil. Mmmmm!

    D: I’m referring to the orange marshmallowy type things. I’m told they taste a bit like banana.

  17. AB Says:

    Ooh! Ooh! I’m a little late to the game on this one, but I’d go for the microwaveable pizza puff things. They can’t be that much worse than the frozen dinners I choke down when the boyfriend doesn’t cook for me.
    Do they taste like cardboard covered in sauce? All right, I’m in.