Never Surrender

“You say it’s your birthday? It’s my birthday too, yeah! You say it’s your birthday? Gonna have a goo-“
“Hey, can you hang on?”
“Oh… uh, sure. [humming to self while on hold] Gonna hmm hmm good time. Hmm hmm hmm birthday. Well happy birth…”
“Sorry, I was on the other line with my mom.”
“Oh. No problem. Well, happy birthday, Dr. Greene! I’m working on a special painting for you.”
“Yeah, I read about your Wild Horses. Thought you were auctioning it off on your blog?”
“Oh, you read that? Well, maybe this painting isn’t for you, but if it turns out, I’ll make you one of your own.”
“I was into paint-by-numbers for a while. There was this super cool one I saw at Michael’s a couple years ago, but I didn’t buy it, and then I couldn’t find it again. It was a painting of [deleted], but don’t mention that on your site!”
“Ohmigod! Are you serious? A paint-by-numbers of [deleted]? That’s so awesome! But so what if I mention it?”
“Then everyone will run to Michael’s and it will be sold out again, and I’ll be stuck painting Sad Clown.”
“I kind of like sad clowns. They’re sad, but still look funny. Because that’s their job.”
“Yeah, well, I’m going to Google “paint by numbers” + “[deleted]” to see if I can find one. Hang on – no frickin’ way! They have like three different versions of [deleted]! That’s so awesome! And this one’s only $14.99”
“Cool. See, after I’m done with Wild Horses, I think I want to do something more inspirational. Like, you know that one poster of the kitten hanging from a tree branch, and then it says, ‘Hang in There!’ at the bottom? I love that poster. Because that kitten’s just not gonna give up. He’s gonna hang in there as long as it takes. We could all learn something from that kitten.”
“So it would appear that you like the kitten.”
“What can I say? He’s a trooper. He’s got the-“
“Heart of a champion?”
“Exactly! I wonder if they have that in paint-by-numbers.”
“Yeah, a cat painting would be pretty cool. Not as cool as [deleted], but still pretty cool. Well, I should probably go – I think my mom and my sister were trying to call me again.”
“Okay, good talking to you. And happy birthday!”
“Thanks! Bye.”
As soon as I got off the phone with Dr. Greene, I checked my email and found this: Champ. It’s so nice to be understood.
Update: Sorry Brando and Neil – apparently you both thought I should stop at the mane, but I’ve got to complete this one. I may have given up on dozens of other hobbies, walked away from high-paying jobs, and passed up free coffee samples at the train station, but no one in my family has ever abandoned a paint-by-numbers. It’s just not done where I grew up.
Elapsed Time: 4.25 hours
Of course, I did have the best idea yesterday – I should have done the painting in reverse: black is white, blue is orange, brown is… whatever the opposite of brown is (Where’s my color wheel when I need it?). Then I really would have carved out a niche for myself in the highly competitive paint-by-number art world. I think it would have looked something like this: Shazam!
Oh well, they don’t call me Jenny “I’m a Day Late and a Dollar Short” Amadeo for nothing.

12 Responses to “Never Surrender”

  1. jaymarie Says:

    did you say “shazam” ??
    because i thought i heard “shazam” and then all the sudden a man in a red suit with a lightning bolt appeared, and he was HOT,
    (and my craft cupboard is sad, sad, sad – especially because i purchase things for it under the guise of being a good mother… and then i say that none of my projects are finished yet because i am too busy mothering. whatever.)

  2. Dave2 Says:

    What I am looking for is “Wild Sad Kittens Dressed Like Clowns” – if you happen to run into one of those for sale, I’ll definitely be bidding!

  3. Sarah Says:

    haha! I nearly spit out my soda at “It’s just not done where I grew up.”

  4. Strode Says:

    Painting is looking good. The reverse one is so seventies! You go retro-jenny.

  5. trisha Says:

    Those horses freak me out.
    Oh, oh, oh! Make them into unicorns! And have them jumping over a rainbow!

  6. Kevin Says:

    No clowns… they are evil.
    So, how long until you’re working commissioned pieces?

  7. Jenny Says:

    J: Oh, I said it all right. And he was H.O.T.!
    D: God, that sounds like a dream come true. But it would be even better if the wild sad clown kitten were hanging onto a tree limb.
    S1: Sorry. I’ll give you a heads up next time so you don’t choke.
    S2: I’m gonna hang that in my room with the black light on while I groove out to my lava lamp and burn incense. And eat peppermints.
    T: Horses scare me a little too. This painting is like art therapy for me.
    K: Make me an offer… ;)

  8. shari Says:

    Still focused on the Wild Turkey, perhaps — after this post — more tonight than yesterday… ;)

  9. teahouseblossom Says:

    Now I have that 80s song, “Never Surrender” in my head.
    “Ooohh, time is all you’re askin’ for..” or whatever the lyrics are.

  10. Rich Says:

    I can see it. It’s turning into a unicorn!

  11. asia Says:

    ohhh that looks cool just like that. are you gonna paint more? most of my super-creative friends ruin their work cause they dont know when to stop creativing on their shit ya know. if you paint a canvas and multimedia it enough it eventually just comes out black. and you cant call that art. i dont care what the goths at the unversity art department say.

  12. Dr. G Says:

    Thank you for keeping my PBN (paint by numbers) choice confidential.
    I will give you first rights to buy my latch-hook rug rendition of ‘The Persistence of Memory’