Battlefield Earth

I hear a series of explosions.
Gunshots outside my window.
A woman shrieks, but the people around her just scream back, then run away into the darkness.
Sirens lull me to sleep.
I wake to learn that the White Sox have won the Superbowl. The curse of the Bambino has finally been lifted.
Note to local Chicago news reporters: never, ever, hand your microphone to a near-blind drunk man who is currently crowd-surfing in a bar. You will most likely never see that microphone again.

22 Responses to “Battlefield Earth”

  1. Kevin Says:

    And here I was just noting to a friend how sedate everything has been around me. Not a celebration within shouting distance. Not a horn honking. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

  2. Randa Says:

    Um…I’m no sports fiend, but isn’t the Superbowl about football? Didn’t the Sox win the World Series?

  3. Neil Says:

    Have you seen that new paint-by-numbers team photo they are selling?

  4. allison Says:

    At least it wasn’t the Cubs. That would be Armageddon.

  5. Jenny Says:

    K: Wow – nothing? So… maybe that was just a murder I heard last night. Phew!
    R: Well, I’m not a sports fan either, but I’m pretty sure they either won the Superbowl or it might have been the US Open. It’s one of those two, for sure. Hey! Don’t you call baseball “football” in Canada anyway?!
    N: OMG OMG OMG! I’m abandonning Wild Horses immediately! This will be my Guernica!
    A: Yeah – if the Cubs had won, I wouldn’t have left my apartment for a week, for fear of having some rabid Cubs fans jump me and paint my face.

  6. Darby Says:

    If you ever try to hit my web site, and instead you find a smoking hole in the ground filled with beer and the blood of the innocents, rest assured it’s just a sign that a Cleveland sports team has won something…anything.

  7. Shari Says:

    How DO they get their sox so white? Oxy-clean? Bleach? Peroxide? It’s nice they won something for it, don’t you think?

  8. heidi Says:

    I just want to commend you on keeping up a kick ass blog for…a long time, I guess.
    It’s so hard to come up with interesting sh*t to post day after day. I’ve almost given up.
    Well, mostly, I don’t want everyone to know about my adventures in workplace and online dating.
    I’ve always wanted to do a paint by numbers project. Now if I start it…am I going to be a copier? Hmmmm…

  9. nina Says:

    Just so you know: I live in a town (Madison, WI) where the loudest banging and whooping occurs annually, just two nights from now: the Saturday on or before Halloween, where you Chicago types and all sorts of deprived and depraved individuals swing over to swing on our main street. This year I am determined to photo-blog at least part of it, though I fear for my safety. Baseball victories seem like childs play. No one ever strips after a baseball victory and runs around screaming “I am the devil, I am the devil!” It happens here, Saturday.

  10. Fiorello LaGuardia Says:

    “Baseball victories seem like childs play. No one ever strips after a baseball victory and runs around screaming “I am the devil, I am the devil!” It happens here, Saturday.
    Posted by: nina (who lives in Madison, WI)”
    OMIGOSH….are these the people who are going to be funding my Social Security? You’re making this a very scary Halloween for me!

  11. trisha Says:

    you are so stinking funny.
    and cute.
    what a package.

  12. Jenny Says:

    D: Mmmm. Hole full of beer and blood…that’s my kind of Halloween!
    S: Purity of heart.
    H: Thanks, girl! But, you do know that we would all LOVE to hear tales of your online dating adventures, don’t you?
    N: They don’t call it Mad-City for nothing! I just read that the city is asking that non-residents do NOT come to the city for Halloween. OUTLANDERS!
    F: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
    T: Aw, shucks, Trisha! And you’re just so stinkin’ sweet! Dang… we stink!

  13. brando Says:

    wow, they won the superbowl, too? they really are good.
    they are now officially invited to tequilacon06. i always dreamed of hanging with champions. just for the champagne and butt slapping. that’s why you should always hit the showers after a stand-up two bagger. i don’t know what that means.

  14. Jenny Says:

    Dammit, Brando! How am I supposed to keep this site a family friendly space when you toss me a line like “stand-up two bagger?” My god, the possibilities are ENDLESS with that kind of setup!
    Focus, Jenny, focus! yourmomreadsyourblog yourmomreadsyourblog yourmomreadsyourblog…

  15. McMonkey Says:

    I like tequila (as good as you can get in Iowa anyway). I have been a champion…well, okay, I know some! Can’t I come to tequilacon006? I’ll even stand up “two bag” if I have enough tequila and someone would show me how…

  16. Rich Says:

    I’m pretty sure a some of those reports were more than a little drunk themselves. And if thjat nbc guy goes on about his stupid orange tie one more time I swear to god I’m going to scream like a red headed stepchild.

  17. hooizz Says:

    jenny you’re a riot. literally. ha!

  18. StationeryQueen Says:

    Every year I lived in Philadelphia, I’d pray, “Please let our teams suck so they don’t get to their respective championship games. I don’t want to listen to the ruckus.”
    My prayers have been answered year after year after year…. :-)

  19. trisha Says:

    What about those of us who don’t drink the alcohol? Are we to never be invited anywhere?

  20. Jenny Says:

    M: I’ve been to Iowa, so I KNOW there’s plenty of tequila there. Except on Sunday, when the entire state shuts down.
    R: Good point – that reporter was probably happy to get rid of the mic so he had another free hand for beer…
    H: Hey – thanks! You should see me after I eat 1/2 a bag of candy corn – I’m outta control!
    SQ: So it’s your fault?! My sister-in-law is from PA, and man, is she mad at you!
    T: I have two words for you: “designated driver.” Or maybe “photo documentarian.”

  21. Jessica Says:

    Jen, the anti-baseball person in me LOVES that you called it the Superbowl!

  22. matt Says:

    right on. saw your comment at tonys. i was on wacker as the chaos happened. nuts. i’m from texas, but rooted for the sox, and was thinking about flying my texas flag down the parade just to see what happened. probably would have been a horrible idea.