Ring Master

“Now that I finally got that You’re Beautiful song out of my head, I’m happy to say a really good one has replaced it.”
“Oh yeah, what?”
Din Da Da.”
“You know – from Breakin’? Or is it from Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo? You know it: Din da da, dun doe doe, din da da, dun doe.
“Never heard of it. Those are actually the words? I don’t think I ever really saw either of those movies. We didn’t have cable until I was older.”
“Nat! Tell me you’re joking! How is it possible that you have never seen Breakin’? It’s such a good movie! There’s like these two really good breakdancers – Turbo and Ozone – and they meet this rich white girl, Kelly, who’s studying to be a professional dancer. She falls in love with one of them – I think Ozone – and then her parents get mad. Ozone calls her Special K, and she wears fingerless gloves. It’s so good.”
“Yeah, sounds like it.”
“And it’s got the classic storyline that all movies should follow – ragtag group of neighborhood kids has to set aside their differences and band together to save the teen center. Big dance numbers and then it’s all din da da, dun doe doe, din da da, dun doe.”
*** Later that same evening, in car on way to bar ***
Din da da, dun doe doe, din da da, dun doe. Hey – I should see if I can download that song off my cellphone.”
“Can you do that?”
“I don’t know – I never tried.”
“Maybe they have it as a ringtone.”
“Ohmigod! That would be the most awesome ringtone ever! Can you imagine? You call me and my phone just goes, din da da, dun doe doe, din da da, dun doe. Awesome.”
*** Ten minutes later, still trying to figure out how to download ringtones ***
“Well, it doesn’t look like they have Din Da Da, but they have In Da Club. Oh – I’m gonna download Push It! Wait – do I really want to spend $2.50 to have Push It as my ringtone?”
*** Twenty seconds and $2.50 later ***
“This doesn’t sound like Push It at all!”
“Seriously, Jenny – that’s the worst version of Push It I’ve ever heard. Do not even set that as the ring for when I call you!”
“Don’t worry, you’re still the theme song from Facts of Life.”
Facts of Life? That’s even worse! Give me a better ring than that. What did Dee-Dee get?”
“Uh, lemme see. Oh, she’s Asian Jingle. Do you want to be crickets?”
“No, I want to be something good. Download the Doobie Brothers Black Water for my ringtone! I wanna hear some funky Dixieland, pretty momma gonna take me by the hand…
By the hand, hand…
Take me by the hand…
Pretty momma! But seriously, Nat – is it really worth another $2.50?“
“Are you putting a price on my friendship?”
“Oh, for the love of… fine. You’re Black Water.”
“And you should see if they have Rock Me Amadeus! That would be so cool – doo doo dee, doo doo doo doo, doo doo dee. Amadeus, Amadeus! Amadeus! Amadeus, Amadeus! Amadeus!
“I don’t know if I want my phone singing in German. Just creeps me out a little. Oh wait, unless it was 99 Luft Balloons! Doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doooo. Dee bee daa bee baa beeda baa, bada bee bada bee ba bada bum… 99 eins zwei drei! 99 luft balloons go by!”
“That’s a psycho ringtone.”
“Like Black Water is cool?”
“You’re the one who just paid $2.50 for it, not me.”
“So that’s how we’re playing it, Nat? Fine, let’s see… Contacts… L, M, N, Natasha… Assign Personal Ringtones… okay… Black Water… Delete… and… Greensleeves… ASSIGN! YEAH! Hey, who’s that calling me? Oh it’s just Ye Olde Natasha McGreensleeves. Hey Renaissance woman, where’s your lute? What’s that? You want to go out for a turkey leg and some mead later? Uh, let me get back to you on that. Ha!”
“Oh, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me calling you anytime soon.”

31 Responses to “Ring Master”

  1. Jessica Says:

    I want you to assign whatever I karaoke to my ring tone.

  2. Neil Says:

    If you search online, you can find anything. Search Rock Me Amadeus and ringtone — that is if you want all your friends and workmates to hate you.

  3. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Electric boogaloo and boogaloo shrimp! I LOVED THEM!
    I just made it so that when anyone in my family calls, my phone plays the William Tell Overture. Except my mom- then it plays Beethoven’s fifth. Just seemed appropriate, somehow.

  4. romy Says:

    i have the theme from the monkees for one friend, and a gregorian antiphon for another. and the march from monty python’s flying circus as my dad. :)
    ringtones crack me up. have fun.

  5. ms. sizzle Says:

    ha ha ha. that’s awesome. i love how you retell your conversations with your friends. i feel very technologically challenged when it comes to downloading ring tones. i just keep it on vibe and call it a day. i used to have black coffee in bed by squeeze until i broke that phone.
    ;) sizz

  6. Don Hip McBlogless Says:

    Are chick novels written like this? I avoid chick stuff like the plague. But if chick books are written like this I will so totally read one. I will even say things like “so totally” an’ shit, even though I’m a dude and dudes don’t talk that way. Unless they’re fags. Nothing against fags.
    Oh yeah. How do you remember conversations? That is an awesome talent. Not that it would do me much good to remember my conversations. They mostly go:
    “Uh, never mind.”
    Chicks are more interesting conversationalists than dudes, I have discovered. Have you ever noticed this? Just thought I’d point it out in case you haven’t. And thank you for letting me blog in your comments. I’m STILL going through withdrawals.

  7. shari Says:

    Foreigner — “Urgent“. Oh yes… I DID. I downloaded it… and it rings on my phone. I’m not cool, but I’m very happy.
    Hope you get to hear Greensleeves soon. I know she’ll call.

  8. kb Says:

    i’ve got cyndi lauper’s “good enough” (from “the goonies”) and look forward to it everytime. ya gotta love technology.

  9. jenny Says:

    jess: oh man, does this mean i’m gonna have to pay $2.50 for “The Gambler?” Dang.
    neil: they all hate me already anyway – might as well give them a reason.
    tracy lynn: you just earned 5,000 charisma points for referencing the boogaloo shrimp!
    romy: monty python?! that’s genius! (i’d comment on the antiphon if i had any idea what that was. you know, ’cause i’m not googling things as much these days…)
    sizz: well, although it only took me 10 minutes to figure out how to download a ringtone, it took me another three hours to figure out how to assign it to someone. :)
    don: hey fonzie – yes, chick books are exactly like this. except there’s more talking about tampons and manicures.
    shari: well, “urgent” is wayyyyy cooler than the other song i somehow drunk downloaded: “don’t bring me down,” by E.L.O. yeah. because that’s really cool
    kb: god, i love cyndi lauper. and who doesn’t love “goonies?” losers, that’s who. winners like us, we love the goonies.

  10. Cheryl Says:

    My old dance teacher, Phineas Newborn III, was in the original Breakin’. I’ve never seen it, but apparently he played Adam. (It’s not often that I get to name drop, especially a name like Phineas Newborn III.)

  11. jenny Says:

    Cheryl: Okay, that’s sooooo weird! In my extensive research for this entry, I went to imdb.com to find a photo, and when I saw the list of cast members, clicked on Phineas Newborn III because I thought it was the coolest name I’d ever heard. He also played “Quarterback Dancer” in some other movie.
    So tell us… can you pop it and lock it?

  12. peefer Says:

    I have never seen Breakin’, nor do I have a cell phone. I don’t know if I can come here anymore, Jenny. Please tell me you don’t hate me. Unless it’s because I’m beautiful.

  13. Mary Says:

    Whoo, that’s my phone! Exactly.
    I’m betting that “Push It” you sampled was actually “Pushit” by Tool. Hahaha, that’s one of my rocker-hubby’s favorite songs but I sooo would never want that on my phone. And neither would you. LOL
    Our kids’ former babysitter is a dancer and raved about that Breakin’ flick but I’ve never seen it myself. I really should, though, with names like Ozone and Special-K for its characters. Wow. ;)
    This post has inspired me to find a new ringtone for myself this week. :)
    PS- Cyndi is very lovable, indeed. And Squeeze’s Black Coffee is a cool ringtone!

  14. Postmodern Sass Says:

    I gotta agree with The Viking: Using “London Calling” as your ringtone is pretty damned clever.

  15. jenny Says:

    peef: you know i could never hate you. but it hurts my heart to know that you’ve never experienced breakin’ or breakin’ 2: electric boogaloo. it’s almost like back to the future, and i went into a time machine and found you, and you’re all freaked out by technology. let me guide you into the future, peefer, one robot dance at a time.
    mary: no, it was the original “push it,” but it just sounded really crappy coming through my phone. because i don’t have a super cool razr like the one in the picture. mine is like a 1989 era car phone.
    p-sass: yes, “london calling” is definitely a cool ringtone, especially if you have lots of friends in london who keep calling. i don’t have such friends.

  16. Jacynth Says:

    Ok…you just named pretty much all of the ringtones I’ve downloaded onto my phone. Wowzers! My Push It sounded like someone quickly punched it into a synthesizer, but I still sang along to it, every time it rang. Now I have Everybody in the club getting tipsy by Jay Kwon….I think my phone is well on its way to getting the Muppets, though. The possibilities are endless!

  17. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    Huhhhhhh….(quick intake of breath)
    JENNY! Can you teach me how to load the Soprano’s theme song, “Woke Up This Morning” onto my cellphone? I LOVE that song. I might even actually use the evil invention if I had that song as my ring tone.
    But, wait, would I have to pay $2.50 every time it rings? Hmmmm…

  18. jenny Says:

    Jacynth: Muppets, you say? Hmm… me likey!
    Fio: No worries – you only pay the fee once to download. Otherwise there’s no way I ever would have downloaded the “Movin’ On Up” theme song from The Jeffersons!

  19. Erik Says:

    Jenny, two things:
    1. I loved Breakin’ so fricking much. I remember standing in line to see Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (the line snaked all the way around the block!) and I love the idea of the theme to Breakin’ being a cell ring. It totally should be.
    and 2. I used to have Beyonce’s Crazy in Love as my ringtone. It was tubular. It sounded exactly like her. But then my cell phone broke and now I have a shit phone that doesn’t allow download.s

  20. jenny Says:

    erik: of course you stood in line for breakin’ 2: electric boogaloo, because you are a man of wealth and taste.
    but now you made me think about destiny’s child, and how i should get bootylicious for my ringtone.
    i don’t think you’re ready for this jelly, i don’t think you’re ready for this jelly…

  21. StationeryQueen Says:

    But… but… I love “The Facts of Life.”
    My ring tone? The theme from “Sesame Street.”
    Stunted adolescence? Yeah, probably. :-)

  22. The Scarlett Says:

    I am a compulsive ring-tone downloader. I’ve got Queen’s Under Pressure, for example, for people that want me to do work for free (graphic design charity thingies). Oh, and my phone, a magenta Razr. I talk about it when I’m not talking about tampons and manicures.

  23. Roy Says:

    I’m pathetic. I still have the original ring-tone that was on the phone when I got it. It sounds like a video game noise when you win a level, I think.

  24. Lenka Says:

    I think the original song you were looking for might be “Din Daa Daa (aka ‘Trommeltanz’)” by George Kranz …old school euro thingie from the 80’s? It’s dreadfully earwormish.

  25. sandra Says:

    Um…so I have a confession. My phone is SO ghetto that I can’t download ringtones. As a result, I have a ring that prompts people to say, “is someone from India calling you?” a text message notifier that sounds like a sound effect from an ’80s after-school special featuring a wacky Japanese guy and the most horrendous voicemail notification ever.
    In short: I’m jealous.

  26. dan Says:

    first, the monty python march is “The Liberty Bell March,” except for the raspberry at the end, which is a gloss on Souza’s original score, which I believe was 5-2.
    second, my ringtone is the theme from the movie Bullitt. If you’re going to use movie songs, they should be full of action and cars crashing and kicking off their hubcaps!
    third, I never hear my goddamn phone ringing. No one calls me for like a year and then when they do I don’t even notice it. I’ve got it set to vibrate and that still doesn’t get my attention. I think it should have a “cattleprod jolt” setting, I’d pick the damn thing up for sure.
    mahalo for your kokua.

  27. Pauly D Says:

    Does it sound anything like “Da Doo Run Run?” Cause I love that song.

  28. brando Says:

    hey, did you get my last email? gah. i know i keep sending to the wrong address, but it was in regards to some TequilaCon potential venues. Call me.
    (you know, figuratively. really, email is fine.)

  29. allison Says:

    I was going to make a “lord of the ringers” joke, but it was so stupid, I stopped myself and then poked myself in the eye repeatedly.
    I LOVE the Muppets ringtone.

  30. TCho Says:

    The songs that go thru my head depend on what’s being sung on American Idol.

  31. Boogaloo Shrimp Says:

    I think your site is cool and I like the cartoon.
    Take care
    Boogaloo Shrimp