Rejected Halloween Costume Ideas

J: I can totally see it working – I could have little fake kids biting my ankles! And I’ll pull my hair in a bun and wear that purple outfit of hers. But what if people think I’m the Church Lady?
N: Yeah, plus I’m not sure you want to wear a wool skirt suit all night long.
Millennium Park
N: How exactly are you going to pull that off?
J: Well, I’ll wear all black, put a giant silver bean on my head, and maybe have the Crown Fountains on each arm. Could I rig them up so they spit out real water?
N: Yeah, start working on that. I’ll pick you up in 2010 when it’s ready.
Little Bo Peep
J: But I would be like, a marshmallow Peep, wearing a tiny bow tie…
N: Ooh – and you could carry that cane thing – the staff!
J: Totally! Any costume where I get to use a cane instantly jumps to the top of the priority list!
N: But are you going to have to spend the whole night explaining why you’re a giant rabbit with a bowtie and a shepherd’s staff?
J: Probably. Okay, cross that one off.
Other Rejected Cane Ideas
J: Charlie Chaplin…
N: A pimp. Didn’t you almost get a pimp cane once?
J: Don’t remind me. Biggest regret of my life.
N: What about that circus guy? You know, that guy who’s like the master of the ring…
J: You mean the ringmaster?
N: Oh, yeah. Him. Or how about a marching band guy?
J: It would be cool to get to wear a jacket with tails. But none of these mean anything to me.
N: Except the pimp cane.
J: Right. That means everything to me.
Rejected Eyepatch Ideas
J: How about a costume where I can wear an eyepatch? There’s always pirate.
N: And Patch from Days of Our Lives.
J: I guess that’s about it, isn’t it?
N: Or a blind person. But that’s really not funny.
J: No. That’s just not cool.
Gumball Machine
J: I wear all black, then have this giant plastic bubble… wait. There’s no way I can do build that.
N: Again, not until 2010.
J: What if I just wore all black, asked people to give me money and then handed them a sweaty gumball from my pocket?
N: That could work.
Toy Crane Thing from Chuck E. Cheese
N: How about this – what about one of those machines where you use the crane arm to pick up a stuffed animal?
J: Cool! But my arm would be the crane arm…
N: And just as they were about to win the stuffed animal, it would slip from your grasp like they always do.
J: Yeah, but that’s a lot of work. And I could easily blow $100 just buying stupid stuffed animals to fill it.
N: No – you just go to the Salvation Army and get them for like a dime each.
J: Because I’m sure my friends will really appreciate getting a urine-soaked Paddington Bear from the Goodwill. Nice one, Nat.
Suri Cruise
J: What’s something topical?
N: I don’t know… Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?
J: Ohmigod – I’m totally going to be Suri Cruise!
N: And how exactly are you going to do that?
J: I’ll just get a gigantic poster board size picture of their Vanity Fair cover, cut out Suri’s head, and stick my head through it.
N: So you’ll be walking around all night with a six foot cardboard cutout attached to your head?
J: Scratch that one.
Other Costumes That Involve Me Wearing All Black
J: What about a skull and crossbones? I could wear all black, paint my face like a skull and have two bones for a tie?
J: Or maybe a constellation? I could wear all black, and glue stars all over my body.
J: How about the Chicago skyline? I could wear all black, then make a hat that looks like the Sears Tower.
J: Maybe I could be a Blo-Pop! I could wear all black, then put a giant wrapper on my head. Oh wait – I should probably wear white for the stick, right?
The Buzzkill
N: Let’s dress up like Smurfs!
J: Did you really just suggest that?
N: What? Is that bad?
J: We’ve reached a new low.
N: So you’re saying that Halloween has officially jumped the shark?
J: Afraid so.

19 Responses to “Rejected Halloween Costume Ideas”

  1. elle Says:

    Would it shock you to know that I have actually worn that Suri Cruise costume already. Just Because….?

  2. Dave2 Says:

    I say you should go as a Chalupa from Taco Bell with all the fixins… the dollop of sour cream can be worn on your head!
    I myself will be dressing up as a baked potato from Arbys… also with a dollop of sour cream on my head.
    So when you figure out how to construct a convincing-looking giant dollop of sour cream which is wearable as a hat, please let me know.

  3. mysonwasdressinguplikesmurf Says:

    When N said “Let’s dressing up like Smurfs” I couldn’t help laughing. That reminds me of my son who wanted to grow up and be Smurf. Because of that he insisted to dress up like Smurf. He wanted all his body to be painted blue. Gladly I was smart enough to just get him a blue shirt and white pants.

  4. Jessica Says:

    Suffice it to say that I want to go to whatever Halloween party YOU’RE attending.
    I may have a solution for your ‘Toy Crane Idea’ – since the crane inevitably always drops the stuffed animal, you really only need to invest in one.

  5. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Dude, you are totally focused in the wrong direction. You should obviously go as Weird Al Yankovich. Especially since he has achieved a new renaissance with his hit, “White and Nerdy”. You know why I say this? You both tap!

  6. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Yeah, that doesn’t sound as funny as it did in my head.Sorry, Jenny. I am obviously doing Halloween as The Person Who Says Stupid Shit. For the umpty-umpth year in a row, too.

  7. shari Says:

    I think you should bring back the karaoke machine. I mean, seriously, how do you top that?

  8. sarah Says:

    Totally loved the gumball machine! Laughed out loud.
    My friend did the ‘one night stand’. He dressed up like a ‘table’ (nightstand) with a lampshade on his head!
    You may be his soulmate! ha.

  9. Margaret Says:

    Willy Wonka has a cane!

  10. amanda Says:

    i love the suri cruise idea.

  11. jenny Says:

    Elle: Okay, now you’re just pulling my leg… or are you?
    Dave2: A baked potato is an awesome costume! Will you be wrapped in tinfoil? Chives or no chives?
    Myson: Yeah, I think you went the right route with the blue shirt vs. blue paint!
    Jess: You’re a clever one, aren’t you?!
    Tracy Lynn: Well, I certainly have the hair to be Weird Al – and who knew he tapped?
    Shari: See – that’s my problem. I set the bar too high last year, and I really don’t think I want to invest quite as much time and money into building a costume this year. That’s why most of these ideas got nixed!
    Sarah: I love it! Brilliant in its simplicity.
    Margaret: So funny that you mentioned Willy Wonka – that was also on the rejected list. I was thinking of going as Veruca Salt, and my friend Nat was going to be the blueberry girl. Really, I was just looking for an excuse to run around all night saying, “Snozzb’ry? Who ever heard of a snozzb’ry?!”
    Amanda: It’s yours for the taking!

  12. Cheryl Says:

    My mom was always a fan of any costume that had sweats as its base. If you think outside the all-black box, there are lots of things you can do with all-green (Kermit), all-pink (Energizer Bunny) or all-red (um…some Republican state?).
    But I do like the stuffed animal prize machine idea. Urine-soaked Paddington Bears need love too, you know.

  13. kapgar Says:

    If you’re not going to use the Smurf idea, can I? No guarantees, mind you. Just another idea to toss around.

  14. jenny Says:

    Cheryl: Of course – the sweat pants! All pink sweats, one of those fake pig noses, and voila – I’m Babe!
    Kapgar: Be my guest… on the sole condition that you post photos!

  15. Dustin Says:

    Be a giant pickle for Halloween. Seriously, who doesn’t love pickles?

  16. nina Says:

    Suri. With a loaded diaper.
    In the alternative, be a blog.

  17. teahouseblossom Says:

    Hahaha, thinking of Halloween costumes is always hours of amusement.

  18. shari Says:

    Since you’re honorarily Canadian, I thought I’d wish you a happy Thanksgiving this weekend. What?! I can literalize your delusions of citizenship if I want.

  19. sbukophile Says:

    Hey, I did the Charlie Chaplin thing one year–that’s what the photo is of me on my blog–I’m covering the mustache self-consciously as the photo is being taken! And I did have a rockin’ cane! And it was either from a thrift store or the garbage (though Santa Barbara garbage is probably much better than New York City garbage). I had to paint the cane all black though. I was bummed when I moved to England and had to get rid of it as I sold all my worldly possessions.