Death of a Pacman: A Play in Five Acts

Cast of Characters:
Ms. Pacman – Jenny Amadeo
Pinky – Natasha de la Vista
Clyde – Farnsworth Featherbottom III
Act I
Scene: A maze
Enter Ms. Pacman, fair heroine. March of the Pacman sounds.

ms pacman
Ms. Pacman: In sooth, I know not why I am so hungry. It wearies me, this aching. But feed I must. Look ho! More dots, I spy.
Ms. Pacman: And such thirst! This burning of throat might only be quenched by the sweet, brown ale of Newscastle.
Enter Pinky, murderous enemy of the Pacman clan.
Pinky: Silence, swift feet! For yonder doth feast the widow Pacman. Oh, gluttonous fool! I see the death of your husband hath not stifled thine unending quest for pellets.
Ms. Pacman retreats, sensing imminent danger.
Ms. Pacman: Wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka.
Pinky: Run, yellow demon, run! For thou art certain to be trapp’d in yon dizzying maze.
the attack
Exit Ms. Pacman and Pinky

Act II
Scene: A maze
Pinky: The widow Pacman hath narrowly escap’d my grasp, but such fortune shall soon fade. Hark! Here comes Clyde, my most noble kinsman!
Enter Clyde.
ghost love
Pinky: How now, dear Clyde! Where have you been gadding? But, gentle friend, what reason for this blue pallor?
Clyde: ‘Tis the widow Pacman, dear Pinky. A pellet of power once consumed hath made me vulnerable to her detestable maw. Fear comes upon me!
Pinky: Fear not, kind brother. Harm wilt not befall you whilst in my company. Look! The widow Pacman arrives. To the chase!
the chase

Scene: A maze
Ms. Pacman: O, nimble feet! Do not betray me, for my husband’s murderers are close. The blue one is weak, and his death shall bring me great fortune of at least 100 points.
faster ms pacman, kill, kill
Ms. Pacman: Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee! With your death, mine husband is revenged.

Act IV
Scene: A maze
Clyde: O Pinky… death’s pale flag hath advanced upon me. The light, it grows dimmer still.
No, god, no!
Pinky: Alack the day! Dearest Clyde, thy lips are warm. Let not this breath be your last!
Pinky: He’s gone, he’s kill’d, he’s dead! O foul death, that hath suck’d the honey of thy breath! Curse you, hateful widow Pacman!

Act V
Scene: A maze
Enter Pinky and Ms. Pacman

Pinky: O noble Clyde, with the unreasonable fury of a beast shall I revenge your foul and most unnatural murder. About! Seek! Burn! Fire! Kill! Slay!
Ms. Pacman: Wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka. Look ho! A treacherous ghost doth cross my path. I see she loved her kinsman Clyde dearly. But it is no matter, for I am a widow driven into desperate terms, precious husband kill’d at the evil hands of this clan.
Pinky: How many pellets are left, Ms. Pacman? Enough for Inky? And Blinky? And Chino? Enough for all of you? And still one left for me? Well, I can kill now too, because now I have hate! How many can I kill, Ms. Pacman?
Ms. Pacman: Wokka?
Pinky: The devil, take thy soul!
Ms. Pacman: Heaven make thee free of it! I am dead, husband. Wretched ghost, adieu!
death of a pacman
Pacman death march sounds.

33 Responses to “Death of a Pacman: A Play in Five Acts”

  1. Dave2 Says:

    Can I just say that if blog entries were awarded Oscars, you would surely win for Best Actress, Best Writer, Best Screenplay Adaptation, Best Director, and Best Special Effects?
    Not to discount your co-stars… they easily deserve supporting Oscars for their riveting dramatic performances as well.
    I must go now so that I might wipe the tears from my eyes and celebrate just being alive…

  2. Dave2 Says:

    Oh… and can I just say that you look totally hot in that wig?

  3. Jon Says:

    What a tragedy…
    I’m going to go and hug some orphaned cats now to make myself feel better.

  4. ashbloem Says:

    Um, no, seriously. YOU are my kind of people, and fer shur.
    (And I also give a special thumbs up to the wig.)

  5. ellediem Says:

    I will never be able to play Ms. Pacman again without weeping uncontrollably.

  6. jenny Says:

    Dave2: Ha – thanks so much! Yeah, I’m lucky to have friends who like to perform in impromptu plays as much as I do. Oh, and glad you liked the wig – I was at first offended when my friends kept telling me how much better I looked with straight hair, but I think I might start wearing the fuschia wig around town now…
    Jon: No, really – it’s not actually that tragic. I still have like 3 lives left.
    Ash: I thought of you when I was trying on wigs – really!
    Elle: Ms. Pacman loved life, and that’s how we need to remember her.

  7. heather anne Says:

    From now on, for — like — forever, every time I need to have something repeated I am going to say, “Wokka?”
    This was awesome. :)

  8. diane Says:

    Ha ha!! Awesome. Looks like a good time was had by all. Um, except Clyde. And I guess Ms. Pacman in the end.

  9. Dave2 Says:

    Most importantly… will we be getting a live performance at TequilaCon 2007 PACNW??

  10. NYC Watchdog Says:

    This is an AWESOME post!!! Great job! And I loved the sound effects!!!

  11. Strode Says:

    That was great! you guys kill me. Jenny, you look fetching in bright red hair.

  12. sween Says:

    [Jason’s Brain here! Jason seems to have lost all power of coherent speech. Hence, I have jumped to the forefront, as an anthropomorphic representation of Jason’s inner thoughts, to briefly explain that Jason is mightily impressed by the above display of fanciness and big-worded-ness. Really really impressed. Aaaaaand… back to Jason!]

  13. jenny Says:

    Heather Anne: I think wokka should become part of everyone’s vernacular. Thanks!
    Diane: A good time was most certainly had by all. Even in death…
    Dave2: Well, interestingly enough, I’m pretty sure Nat and Farnsworth are coming to TC07, so we may be able to accommodate!
    NYCWatchdog: Thanks so much! Glad you liked the sound effects – they took me back to my youth!
    Strode: Ha – thanks! The red hair definitely makes a statement, that’s for sure.
    Sween: Ah, it’s easy to be fancy and big-worded when the internet gives you access to every Shakespearian play ever written…

  14. Jessica Says:

    BRILLIANT! Absolutely genius, I tell you!
    Oh – and Jenny that bright, red hair TOTALLY suits you(‘wokka, wokka’, baby)!

  15. Tracy Lynn Says:

    Dude, you made soda come out my nose.

  16. shari Says:

    TC’07 Encore!!!! Absolutely!! I was riveted, and now I have a strange desire for Smarties. I really didn’t think you could equal the karaoke machine, but clearly I stand corrected. (or sit, whichever…)

  17. bts Says:

    I know this is twistes, but am I the only one who thinks that Pinky’s hot?
    I need to get out more.

  18. Mocha Says:

    Please, oh, please let me be in your next play! PLEASE? I asked nicely.
    You are my heroine for this. Comic genius, Jenny. Ask me for something. You can have whatever you want. Seriously. That’s how much I adore you at this moment.
    Definitely hot in the wig. Keep it around.

  19. kapgar Says:

    You so rock the Halloween gig!

  20. jenny Says:

    Jess: Thanks! And did you just turn “wokka” into a dirty word?
    Shari: I’ll give you front row tickets to our Portland debut. :)
    Tracy Lynn: OUCH!
    bts: No, Pinky’s totally hot, but beware: she’s a villain to the core!
    Mocha: You can totally be in my next play – I’m picturing you as the exotic seductress type who comes to a tragic end. All my plays are tragedies.
    kapgar: LOL – thanks!

  21. Mocha Says:

    Whatever. I can play a geekess like nobody’s business.
    Oh, just so you know, I think all your “play” stuff sort of inspired some of my writing tonight for tomorrow’s post. Feel honored, not ripped off, mmkaythanksbye.

  22. mainja Says:

    ooh ooh ooh! those things that seem to be called smarties, in canada they are called rockets. this is relevant because someone i know was talking to someone in the states and saying how much they liked rockets and the person in the states didn’t know what they were talking about. they’re exactly the same though, packaging and everything, they just say rockets instead of smarties. now, if only i could remember who it was that was trying to come up with a point of reference for their friend in the states…

  23. sandra Says:

    Just when I thought you couldn’t get cooler…

  24. Waterfall Says:

    I’m speechless. Wokka wokka. That was wonderful. (applause, applause!)

  25. ~Tim Says:

    Great fun. Great post. Wokka wokka wokka!

  26. peefer Says:

    Brilliant, Jenny! Just brilliant!

  27. suze Says:

    oh my goodness that was brilliant. I loved it!!!


    You guys win hands-down for Best Costume on BLOG!

  29. jenny Says:

    Mocha: I’m honored, of course!
    Mainja: Okay – but let me ask you this – don’t you have a different candy in Canada called Smarties? I thought I remember someone telling me they were chocolate. Or did I make that up?
    Sandra: You just wait ’til I get a real tattoo. Then I’ll be even cooler!
    Waterfall: Thank wokka you wokka!
    ~Tim: Thanks so much!
    peefer: I’m writing a special part for you in my next play…
    suze: So glad you liked it – thanks!
    Michael: Why can’t we always wear costumes?

  30. churlita Says:

    I too loved the wokka wokka. I loved the Smarties and the fuscia wig – hell the whole thing was brilliant. And thanks for the link. Your blog is awesome.

  31. Ryan Says:

    This past week, whenever I am bored at work I will surf over to “Death of Pacman.” I love it.

  32. claire Says:

    The play’s the thing wherein we’ll catch the conscience of the clan.
    A most foul and pestilent murder, indeed! May flights of angels sing Ms. Pacman to her rest.

  33. sbukophile Says:

    You absolutely crack me up!