True Love

So earlier this week I was listening to iTunes, reading blogs, and eating spoonfuls of Nutella when suddenly Escape (The Piña Colada Song) came on.
My first thought was: How the hell did The Piña Colada Song get on my iTunes? And then I remembered that Dr. Greene made me a particularly diverse mix CD for my birthday a couple years ago that included such hits as Escape, Push It, and Islands in the Stream.
My second thought was: Is that really what this song is about? I had never actually listened to the lyrics, and was somewhat shocked to find out that it’s about a guy who answers a personals ad, only to find out that it was placed by his “old lady.” Then they have a good laugh and go home together, having renewed their love for one another.
My third thought was: Yeah. Because that’s exactly how I would react if I found out my “old lady” was a cheating whore.
My final thought arrived in the form of this short play:
Guy: “Wait… so you wrote this personals ad? Ohmigosh, that’s so… trashy!”
Gal: “Look who’s talking! Why are you scouring the personals ads for single women, you lying sleazebag? We were in a committed relationship!”
Guy: “Now, I’m the liar? Oh, yeah… you’re one to talk. So now you like piña coladas? Who are you kidding? You vomited for 24 hours straight that time we went to Maui.”
Gal: “Is that right? Well, why don’t you tell me about the last time you made love at midnight with anyone other than your precious remote control? And I’d love to see you even attempt to find the dunes off the cape, Mr. God-Forbid-I-Should-Ever-Ask-For-Directions.”
Guy: “Well, I guess you were honest about one thing – you’re clearly not into yoga, or any other form of physical activity…”
Gal: “Oh, don’t even get me started! I should’ve known it was you when you suggested we meet at O’Malley’s at noon. Where else can you get $1 tap beers and half-price buffalo wings before 5:00pm? Cheap bastard.”
Guy: “Forget it. I knew this was a mistake.”
Gal: “Hey, can you give me a ride home? It’s starting to rain.”

9 Responses to “True Love”

  1. churlita Says:

    Oh my gawd! You are hilarious.
    He gave you, Escape, Push it and Islands in the Stream? Dr Greene is the nicest man alive.

  2. Roy Says:

    Hey, if you can make all that rhyme, I think we’re looking at a re-make.

  3. Strode Says:

    Some people just have a knack for funny. You are one of them. Nice post.

  4. jenny Says:

    churlita: thanks! and the CD also contained: the flame, come sail away, and best of all… arthur’s theme. dr greene is a rare find.
    roy: lemme see… “cheating whore, dunes by the shore… lazy slob, bon-bon eating blob…” i think this could work!
    strode: hey thanks! with material like the pina colada song, it’s hard to miss. :)

  5. Dave2 Says:

    I always assumed that it was a separated couple whoring themselves out in the personals, in which case it’s kind of sweet.
    Except now whenever I hear that song, I think of Christina Applegate and Cameron Diaz washing a car in their underwear from the film “The Sweetest Thing.”

  6. Michelle Says:

    And with an odd little bit of trivia; I saw the guy that wrote/sang this song on one of those VH1 ‘where are they now’ things … he HATES the Pina Colada song. I found that amusing.

  7. jenny Says:

    dave2: never saw “the sweetest thing,” but based on your description, i can see why it sticks in your mind…
    michelle: i have to believe a lot of one-hit wonders eventually despise the song that brought them their fame. he probably goes on stage to sing some new stuff and people are all, “PINA COLADA! I SAID PINA COLADA!”

  8. Dustin Says:

    I think your iTunes is trying to tell you that you can find love at the bottom of an over-priced sugary cocktail.

  9. shari Says:

    How did I miss this post??? Hilarious! You’re sooooo right!! I’m a little frightened that you pegged the dialogue to accurately, though.

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