Delirium
So, I’m going on Day 7 of the crappiest cold I’ve had in a century, and due to my incessant barking cough and raw throat, combined with new cough medicine with Codeine, my sleep patterns have been severely altered.
Last night alone, I had at least a dozen dreams, each more bizarre than the last. I know that telling other people about your dreams is about as dull as telling you about my dental floss preferences (unwaxed, fine), but I’m on Codeine and haven’t left my house in three days, people. Cut me some slack.
1. A blogger I’ve met (who shall remain nameless) was lying in the street all smiley and pleasant. I walked past her and found a severed hand. Turns out it was hers. I scooped some snow off the ground and put the hand in it. We grabbed a cab to the emergency room and happily chatted the whole way there. There was no blood.
2. I braided my entire head of hair into tiny braids. It did not look good.
3. I drove to Milwaukee to eat at my favorite pizza restaurant, but the waiter was horrible and slow. I ordered a small pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Suddenly, all the lights were turned off and I almost got locked inside. My pizza never arrived, so I complained on my way out.
4. A creepy big-headed baby kept following me. She was wearing a very pretty dress, so I told her that she was wearing a very pretty dress. What else are you supposed to do when a creepy big-headed baby won’t stop following you?
5. Something on a boat.
On a side note, I am totally d.i.v.o.r.c.e-ing my doctor. She tried to prescribe me penicillin (which I tell her I’m allergic to every single time I see her) and then suggested I eat a few teaspoons of honey for my throat. So… salt water nasal rinses and honey is the best she can do for tuberculosis. Apparently I’m going to Dr. Quinn, medicine woman. Should I maybe chew on some tree bark for my headache? Strap some raw onions to my chest to cure my cough? What part of VICODIN does she not understand?
So that’s that. There will be no reconciliation. We are so over. In fact, maybe she’s the creepy big-headed baby in my dream. Now that I think about it, her dress wasn’t even all that pretty.
Filed under: General on May 5th, 2007
May 5th, 2007 at 10:59 am
That’s some mighty fine details you remembered from each dream (ok, except for the boat one). I can’t remember that many details when I’m NOT on drugs.
I’d say you’re doing pretty well. Hey, maybe if you keep taking codeine, you can get enough material to write a novel!
Ya know, I think I’m gonna try that. Thanks!
May 5th, 2007 at 10:59 am
First of all, I totally just giggled over the big-headed baby! That would make me wake up!
And yes, get a new doctor, geez. She should have had you on much better meds to get this to heal faster.
May 5th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Last night I dreamed I was turning lights off in a gas station and some crazy lady was yelling about not getting a pizza and running toward the door. Was that you??
May 5th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I am so sorry you are sick. I probably gave it to you. I spread the sickness like johnny appleseed… all around the country that is. but with love.
i am so sorry. get well soon!
May 5th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
That’s weird about the severed hand. I had a dream last week that my hand fell off, sort of. Like it was dead. I wonder what that’s supposed to mean.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Jen,
It might be useful and interesting if you could remember any of your conversations with the severed hand blogger. When you said there was no blood-Was that at the site-on the way to the hospital or what? There may be insights for you and for us.
Please upload your braided look and let us help you decide how they look.
Milwaukee seems like an unlikely place to look for good pizza although I admit to never going there. Although the reputed home of beer would probably find a good fit with pizza.
If you have seen Damien or similar scenarios of really strange kids- you should know that the less contact-the better
I have sailed on and off on a 37ft ketch for many years and may be able to help with the boat interpretation but would require more info.
You have one thing absolutely right. Fire the doctor immediately. Any doctor that continues to prescribe a drug that will kill you deserves….(my lawyer says I should leave that to you.)
May 5th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Dude, sounds like your doctor sucks ass. I’m not saying you should have vicodin; in fact, if your reaction to the codeine is any indication, you can’t handle the vicodin.
But if she can’t be bothered to read your damn chart before she prescribes for you, she’s a hack. My doctor runs through my meds and allergies EVERY DAMN TIME he sees me.
You deserve better. And you should IGNORE creepy, big headed babies when they follow you around. ALWAYS.
May 6th, 2007 at 9:42 am
chase: hmm – codeine inspired novel, you say? not a bad idea!
hilly: trust me – you would not have been giggling if it had been chasing you!
RW: gas station? is that why there were no tables?
asia: i think it’s far more likely that i picked it up on the flying petri dishes we call airplanes. but i kind of like the image of you wearing a tin pot on your head, a la mr. appleseed.
roy: my guess is that you were sleeping on your hand. or that you don’t feel like you’ve been playing guitar often enough.
silverfox: there was no blood anywhere. it was kind of like the hand was made of plastic. is that because bloggers aren’t real people?
tracy lynn: c’mon! i can so handle vicodin! a few silly codeine dreams and you’re gonna cut me off? i was just kidding! i made them all up… really!
May 7th, 2007 at 7:12 am
When you find yourself being followed by a big headed baby, ignore it. It should just go away. Telling said baby that it has a very pretty dress is simply begging to have it follow you home.
May 7th, 2007 at 9:12 am
You’re so funny when you’re sick.
Of course, you’re also really funny when you’re not sick.
Get better.
May 7th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Dear Jenny,
Maybe you should wear the bunny head more often. Maybe it would protect you from catching such bad colds. Sorry you have not been feeling well!
Love,
Vivian
May 7th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
You of course you realize that dreams #2 and possibly #4 are actually the fro attempting to assert dominance over your mind, right? It senses your weakness, Jenny. It knows you are vulnerable…
May 7th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
I’m fine. Hope you’re feeling better!
May 7th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
strode: this advice would have been really helpful a few nights ago. i’m just sayin’.
heather anne: i’m also sick when i’m funny. wait… what?
viv: bunny head wards off all sorts of evil. i should keep it near me at all times.
dustin: omg you’re so right! creepy headed baby represents all the straight-hairs… always trying to usurp our curly power. bastard creepy big-headed babies.
roy: i am out of quarantine now, so thank you for your concern.