Wilderness Lodge

This is what defines me as an American: this weekend, my friends Dee-Dee, Natasha and I will drive close to 800 miles roundtrip to spend a day and a half in northern Wisconsin. Fourteen hours in a car for 36 hours in a cabin.
And I couldn’t be happier. Only in America does that seem like a good idea.
But want to know the funny part? I’ve been watching the weather, and a cold front has come in, so it will probably be too chilly to swim. I gave myself a bikini wax for nothing. NOTHING!
I may just decide to parade around my living room in my swimsuit, like it’s the Miss Universe pageant. I will make small signs that say “9.7” and “9.5” and set them in front of my cats who are part of the international judging committee. They probably won’t want to give me a “10” because they are afraid I will get big-headed. I hate those stingy cat judges.
In case the 800 miles doesn’t quite sink in, let me illustrate:
Yes, we’re pretty much driving to Canada for the weekend. Traveling always puts me in a list-making mood – what to bring, what to eat, what to do, where to go – so I’ll finish off with a list:

  • Dee-Dee said there are eagles there. She promised me an eagle. I want to see an eagle.
  • Everyone laughs at me when I say I like to go fishing. I think this is because I’ve never gone camping, and I refuse to sleep on the ground, and splitting worms in two makes me vomit, and I want to call a veterinarian when a hook gets caught in the fish’s mouth, but I’ll show them all. I’ll catch me a fish. Maybe a perch. A nice skinny perch.
  • If I don’t get to fish or see any eagles, I will still probably be totally content, so long as we have wine, bread and prosciutto.
  • Dee is bringing wine, bread and prosciutto.
  • I just took a sip of my wine and a fruit fly flew out of the glass. I totally don’t even care. I mean, really – how much can a fruit fly drink anyway?
  • When I was at Target this past weekend – you know, when I bought the Nad’s – I also bought a hat that was on sale because I said to myself, “This looks like a fishin’ hat.” If I had some lures, I would put them in the hat.
  • When Dee and her sister were at the cabin earlier this summer, they were in a boat in the middle of the lake and decided to jump in for a swim. A few minutes later, they discovered that they didn’t have the upper body strength to pull themselves up and it took them an hour to finally wrestle themselves back in, bruised and battered.
  • I have been doing girl pushups all week just in case.
  • If you don’t hear from me by Tuesday, please send some rescue dogs to the Upper Peninsula.

11 Responses to “Wilderness Lodge”

  1. brandon Says:

    fishing, jumping into the lake, camping, WINE, bald eagles, internet porn?

  2. churlita Says:

    Maybe you can just watch the eagles fish instead… That way you wouldn’t have to dirty your hands with all those cut-in-half worms.

  3. Sarah Says:

    Okay. A number of things:
    1. This bikini wax nonsense was for female friends??? You’re a good friend.
    2. Fruit fly. Ha!
    3. I grew up on a lake and never figured out how to get back in. If all else fails, just flip the boat upside down and pretend it’s a life preserver and kick your way back to shore. Of course this works best with canoes and kayaks. Not at all with any boat that cost more than like $40, pretty much.

  4. jenny Says:

    brandon: KEEP YOUR FILTHY MITTS OFF DEE-DEE! and internet porn? did i mention that? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
    churlita: “love lift us up where we belong! up where the eagles fish, on the mountain hish!”
    sarah: most of my primping is for the ladies. i’ve found that men don’t really care all that much. right? they don’t… do they? tell me they don’t.

  5. sizzle Says:

    i would definitely think about keeping one person in the boat just in case so you can get back in. push ups suck!
    have the best time ever.

  6. Dave2 Says:

    What’s strange is that we will probably pass each other going opposite directions when you head back home! On Sunday I am driving north from Chicago to Central Wisconsin. :-)

  7. Geeky Tai-Tai Says:

    Well, a guy friend of mine cares. OK, he plays for the other team, but he’s a guy, and he made me very aware of some, uh *strays* that I had missed in my “defoliating” efforts. Sheesh! Actually, I was grateful that he had made me aware, but embarrassed as hell!

  8. RW Says:

    You’ll have fun and can’t wait to hear your take on it. Funny thing – in the early 70’s there were a lot of long-haired young people moving to Crystal Falls getting woods-encrusted land relatively cheap, and I – of all people – almost moved there with my crew in 1972. I know… how far from a French restaurant ARE you up there?
    Anyway… I wonder if a tavern called “The Infield” is still in Crystal Falls?

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Jenny,
    Hilarious!! Have a great trip! I say stay in the boat!

  10. jenny Says:

    sizzle: no kidding! and let’s face it… all the push ups in the world aren’t gonna get me back into that boat. i’ll backstroke to shore.
    dave2: you’re going to central WI? wait – you’re in chicago now? why aren’t we drinking? oh… it’s not 8am yet.
    geeky tai-tai: this changes everything. good thing i didn’t throw away the rest of that nad’s… ;)
    RW: *you* were going to move to the wilderness? where would you get your wine? i’ll keep my eyes peeled for The Infield – i’ll probably want to hang out at a bar and tell everyone about the huge fish i caught.
    vivian: thanks! and believe me – i’m not jumping out of that boat until i hit land!

  11. shari Says:

    Road trip!! I’m envious. And I expect photos of eagles and fishes when you get back.

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