Coupla Things
- There’s this thing I do every couple weeks – replace those three brown bananas with four greenish-yellow ones, toss out that almost full half gallon of expired milk and replace with some fresh skim, swap out the uneaten brownish limp lettuce for a bag of crisper looking greens, dump those unused rotten eggs and slide six new ones into their spot.
Some people call this grocery shopping. I call it the changing of the guard. - What’s your beef with boxed wine, anyway? I like to think of it as the Everlasting Gobstopper of alcohol. Three liters of pure sunshine.
- Question: What is a good indicator that your son is too old to join you in the ladies room?
Answer: When he owns his own iPod.
Seriously, ladies. If he’s old enough to be trusted with a $300 gadget, he’s old enough to stand at a urinal. If you’re really that worried about your tweener son getting kidnapped in the train station restrooms, you should either a) hover outside the men’s room while he pees like a man or b) buy him some Depends. Either way, get his prepubescent ass out of the ladies room, m’kay?
Filed under: General on October 2nd, 2007
October 1st, 2007 at 9:22 pm
i drank a whole lot of boxed wine tonight. true story.
October 1st, 2007 at 9:29 pm
kat: so did i. that’s why you’re my favorite. shhhhh…
October 1st, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Could be worse… he could still be breast feeding!
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:34 am
THREE liters? that’s not a box. a box is FIVE liters.
i thought i knew you.
oh, and the bathroom rule should be similar to the halloween rule. if your kid is old enough to put out his cigarette in your jack-o-lantern, he is too old to use the ladies’ restroom.
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:24 am
I do the first one too! I make myself the same promise every week that I will cook things and not be wasteful… this week I have a bag of baby spinach leaves which will no doubt end up slimy and in the bin next week.
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:00 am
Hahahaha, I saw some quote like that on tv once..something about how you know it’s time to stop breast feeding when your son is old enough to order his own steak. Heh.
October 2nd, 2007 at 7:00 am
Um, yeah… the “child” REAALLY shouldn’t bring his iPhone with a camera either.
October 2nd, 2007 at 7:23 am
dave2: i almost vomited when you said that.
brandon: FIVE liters? you’re trying to trick me! no one makes a five liter box of wine… how could i even carry that on my head?
serap: oh, those baby spinach leaves will kill you every time. but i have faith in you – i say you cook them all up and eat them in one sitting.
THB: ha! yeah, that would be a good rule of thumb as well.
shari: you know, maybe it wasn’t really a child. maybe it was a tiny little man running from the law pretending to be a child… just like in the bugs bunny cartoons.
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:29 am
My son is only seven. And I almost always make him go in the men’s room (while I hover outside, guaranteed to worry because OMG I don’t know what he does in there but it takes him FOREVER).
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:22 am
five liters, jenny. true story.
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
1. My cilantro changes guard like every four days.
2. If it don’t say “gallons,” then it ain’t made in Amurika!
3. I would have asked him for a tampon. Of course that plan backfires if he actually hands you one…
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Off the record, I have considered buying my three year old an ipod. For his music. His CHILDREN’S music, that is. And not at all because I have a problem that involves the careless (carefree) purchasing of apple products. Because that would be silly.
October 2nd, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I think the iPod rule is a good one. I also think 5 liters is a good rule too.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Scary. I swap out the exact same things in my fridge too. Of course, the slight moldy loaf of bread changes with the guard as well.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:28 am
I was feeling pretty good about this post till I got to the comments, and found out from brandon and kat! that there are five-liter boxes of wine. Now I feel like an underachiever.
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 am
miss britt: right on! and your son will thank you someday for giving him his independence! this woman’s kid will be living at home when he’s 43… guaranteed!
kat!: you are hard core, woman.
dustin: i’m pretty sure cilantro is meant to be thrown out, rotten or not. i’d try the tampon thing, but it might get me arrested.
mike: start out with the shuffle – that way you only lose $79 when he flushes it down the toilet.
churlita: i’m thinking of creating my own rule book for successful living. those will be the first two entries.
robin: well, if we’re being honest, then bread is also on my list. i just didn’t want to seem so wasteful.
vahid: i know – 5 liters is a little crazy – that’s almost 7 bottles! why don’t they just sell it by the keg?
October 4th, 2007 at 11:32 am
I have no beef with boxed wine. However, I will whine about boxed beef – though that phrase may mean something different to me than it does to other (beefless, boxy) persons.
However, it’s just not that impressive to threaten someone by smashing a winebox open on the side of the bar and waving the tattered, sodden edges near their jugular, so I think the bottle industry still has an important role to play.