You Asked

Hey. You should go, “Penny for your thoughts.”
Yeah, just do it. Right now, just go, “Hey, Jenny. Penny for your thoughts.”
Because then I’ll go, “Well, I was just sitting here looking at online dating sites and wondering why so many men don’t wear shirts in their profile pictures. Because really – does that work for them? I mean, it’s always the guys with the six-pack abs, but what’s that all about? No one wants to see that shit. And then I was thinking about how much I like these Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kisses, even though I thought they would be totally disgusting but I bought them anyway because I was at Target and they were in the 75% off Christmas aisle, so they were seriously only like $0.64 for the entire bag. That’s why I bought two bags and brought one to karaoke for New Year’s Eve. Anyway, so I’m sitting here and thinking about how good these are, but also frustrated at how the little Hershey’s Kisses pull tab doesn’t really work all that well and maybe that’s the real reason these were 75% off, or maybe it’s just that the patented pull tab design never really worked to begin with and this is just the first time I paid attention to that fact. But suddenly, I can’t think about anything except for how insanely thirsty I am and I’m not sure if it’s because there’s desiccant in the Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kisses and maybe that’s the real reason they were 75% off, or if it’s because it’s 20 degrees below zero here and my apartment is so dry, but it’s seriously all I can think about. I am so incredibly thirsty, and I keep picturing that half gallon of skim milk in my fridge and even though I can see myself drinking the entire jug while standing in front of the refrigerator, for some reason I don’t get up. And then I start thinking about which would be more thirst quenching – a giant glass of ice cold water or that half gallon of skim milk – and I’m really torn. There’s a bottle of water by my bed, but it’s not really cold, and the milk is way in the kitchen. Plus then if I drink up all the milk, what will I eat with my cereal tomorrow? Although I suppose I could make rye toast instead. But the thought of toast makes me even thirstier. And then I start thinking about how it’s getting harder and harder to swallow, and it’s like when you have a mosquito bite on your elbow that you know you’re not supposed to scratch but you just keep thinking about how much it itches. You picture yourself scratching it, and maybe gently rub your elbow against your thigh, but that just tickles and makes it way worse and oh my god I’m so f*ing thirsty, won’t someone do something to make this stop?!”
One cent, please.

15 Responses to “You Asked”

  1. Dave2 Says:

    Four months until TequilaCon. I’m just sayin’…

  2. vahid Says:

    That’s eerie. I was just thinking the same thing. Well, except for the part about the guys with no shirts. But other than that exactly the same.

  3. kat! Says:

    Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kisses are SO BEST. Well, not as best as booze, but close :)

  4. jenny Says:

    dave2: i know! i’m so unprepared!
    vahid: then i guess i owe you a penny!
    kat!: aren’t they SO BEST?! i really thought they might be gross… but i love them!

  5. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    Hmmm, this for some strange reason, makes me think of my mom who used to say “well, you get what you pay for.”
    :::::::::::: ducking and running :::::::::::::::

  6. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    It’s sad how little a penny can buy in the way of thoughts these days. I should’ve invested it in a decent mutual fund.

  7. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    It’s sad how little a penny can buy in the way of thoughts these days. I should’ve invested it in a decent mutual fund.

  8. Laurel Says:

    Well I’d say we got our money’s worth with that thought… Which dating sites are you looking at where the ab-licious guys are shirt-less? The ones I always seem to see are the ones who should have more than one shirt on…

  9. Average Jane Says:

    It’s just that kind of day, isn’t it?

  10. steph Says:

    dude. now i want chocolate.

  11. shari Says:

    Dessicant in Hershey’s cordial kisses?! That’s a blasphemous thought. The chocolate bishop is probably going to assign you a Hail Heath Bar or something to attone.

  12. jenny Says:

    fiorello: no, i’m serious! they’re really tasty!
    sir: why i oughta….!
    laurel: i was on why? what sites were you on?
    jane: the re-entry into work has not been easy. :)
    steph: just have that gallon of milk handy – learn from my mistakes.
    shari: i’ll say five our baby ruths, but that’s it!

  13. Dustin Says:

    That is what you get for slumming. I stick to ghirardelli. Some of us have standards.

  14. peefer Says:

    I do love myself a cheap hooker.

  15. chantel Says:

    I always think that about guys with no shirts. My favorites are the ones who leave home and “forget” their shirt. I consider the behavior an IQ test failure.
    Happy New Year

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