Sometimes when my cats are just minding their own business and curled up on a chair somewhere, I like to walk up to them, squeeze them really tight, smoosh their faces next to mine and say, “Who is the cutest cat in the world? How come you’re so tiny? Why are your paws so black?”
And then sometimes they try to crawl inside my underwear drawer and make a nest, and I lift them up real high and say, “Who do you think you are? Who said you could go into my dresser and throw my underwears all over the place?”
In both scenarios, their response is exactly the same: to furiously lick their fur wherever I touched them, as if to remove all traces of my existence.
I’ve decided to adopt a similar practice whenever people annoy me, but I’m going to use wet wipes instead of my tongue.

27 Responses to “Licked”

  1. kat Says:

    winston does the same, but since i’m usually included in the licking i don’t take it too personally.

  2. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    Oh, I would most definitely pay to see that.

  3. nagdalie Says:

    restaurants here in turkey give out wetwipes after a meal. i have a purse full of them. now i know what to do with them!

  4. jewelz916 Says:

    Great idea! Think I may do that as well!
    Whenever my cat is doing something cute and I feel the need to force “mommy time” on him, he usually gets up and leaves, or changes his position so that his ass is facing me.

  5. delmer Says:

    The guy over at “Run Monk Run” uses the wet wipes trick as well.

  6. Dave2 Says:

    Just be sure they’re disinfecting, germ-killing wipes… if you’re going to do a job, might as well do it right!

  7. Avitable Says:

    That is a genius plan!

  8. Finn Says:

    Can we get video of that? Because I’d really love to see that.
    Cats rock. Hard.

  9. Dingo Says:

    If you use one of those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers instead, your problem people might disappear entirely.

  10. serap Says:

    When my cat does that to me, I just make sure I stroke him from head to tail with the flats of both my hands a couple of time just to show him that 2 can play that game..

  11. Don Says:

    Best to use baby wipes. They have a particular smell, ah, essence. It’s a particularly good idea to do this directly after shaking hands with the job interviewer. Shows you are on task and detail oriented.

  12. claire Says:

    The cats I once lived with rarely took the lifting up so well. Maybe for 10 seconds on a good day, then the wild contortions to get down. Come to think of it, they probably would’ve been great pole vaulters if they only had opposable thumbs.

  13. Cheryl Says:

    The mailman who delivers to my office can’t seem to give us the mail without touching my coworker’s shoulders, and once he kissed her hand. Now I’ll encourage her to keep a stack of wet wipes at her desk.

  14. dan Says:

    that is a great idea – I intend to take your advice and do the same: next time someone catches me in their underwear drawer I intend to rub your cats with a wetwipe. For luck, it will always be the same wet wipe. I don’t want to jinx it or anything.

  15. Jason Says:

    Awesome. I’m going to wipe my keyboard after I leave this blog.

  16. churlita Says:

    I can’t really say much after Dan’s comment. It was pretty much perfect.

  17. shari Says:

    It’s really the underwear nesting that has me concerned here. Do you use catnip sachets or something??

  18. Stacey Says:

    My cats tolerate me touching them or they bite me. No furious licking.
    I do like the wet wipes idea. Of course, I don’t let people touch me, so I won’t have a chance to try it.

  19. Pants Says:

    Yeah, but if you were to lick yourself the people who annoy you would probably leave you alone.

  20. jenny Says:

    kat: my cats definitely would not lick me, unless i was covered in catnip.
    fiorello: i’ll try to video tape it the first time i do it…
    nagdalie: see – you knew they’d come in handy one day!
    jewelz: yeah, the ass-in-face routine is one of their standbys as well.
    delmer: LOL!
    dave2: oh, definitely the antibacterial ones!
    avitable: evil genius?
    finn: absolutely – you’ll be the first to see it.
    dingo: ooh – i think i can get those on QVC.
    serap: i love it! show ‘em who’s boss.
    don: i just choose not to shake interviewers’ hands. i give them the head nod, though.
    claire: i love the squirm.
    cheryl: hmm. i think you might need a restraining order vs. wet wipes.
    dan: you must take yoga if you can fit into underwear drawers.
    jason: i’d highly recommend doing so.
    churlita: he’s good that way, isn’t he?
    shari: i just put slabs of raw meat in there. why, is that weird?
    stacey: sounds like you’ve got the right approach.
    pants: this is true, but my saliva is not antibacterial. that i know of.

  21. Lisa Says:

    I’d have to spray people with Lysol as well…just to add insult to injury. But I’m sadistic like that ;)

  22. maleesha Says:

    hmm. my son recently started doing this. i guess i am officially “gross.”

  23. Jesi Says:

    hi, i trolled here from cheryl’s blog. and i just have to share. my cat camille does the same thing. whenever i put my face on her fur, no matter where, she has to get the human smell off of her by licking where i touched her. hahaha!
    also, sometimes i talk for my cats. and boy are they a bunch of potty mouths. i will then scold them verbally for using such language. yeah, i’m weird, aren’t i?

  24. MizFit Says:

    you are TOO FUNNY.
    may I join you in that (uh the lickingwipesthang. not the funny. thats outta my reach)

  25. jenny Says:

    lisa: is it bad to confess that i actually like the smell of lysol? i might dab a little behind my ears if i didn’t think it would burn.
    maleesha: LOL! as long as he doesn’t hiss at you, i think you’re okay.
    jesi: i’m glad to know it’s not just my cats!
    mizfit: thanks! and i would love it if we all started a handy wipe movement across america!

  26. PocketCt Says:

    You can erase a whole world of annoyance! can you do some in my world too?

  27. martymankins Says:

    With our cats, my trick is to wait for them to yawn, then either blow air into their mouth or touch their teeth… it bothers them to no end, but then a few mins later, they have no idea what happened. But I was entertained.

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