Little Baby’s All Growns Up
It seems like there’s a birthday frenzy going on lately. I mean, first there was mine a few weeks ago, and then there were probably some other people who had some birthdays, and now, my little twin babies are turning six. Six years old? It’s hard to believe.
The timing seemed right to celebrate their birthday this year with a special tradition in the Amadeo household: the renaming ceremony. No longer would Maddox and Zahara be named after a homewrecking UN Ambassador’s adopted children. I decided they needed names that were befitting of their class, style, and sex appeal, so after much deliberation and consultation, I decided on:
Mr. Lionel Richie and Miss Dionne Warwick!
Six is a big year for cats, because according to the bag of Science Diet I just read, at seven, they switch over to senior food. This is their last real hurrah as youngsters, their final truly carefree year before all the responsibility and stress of being a cat sets in. So I wanted to let them get wild on their birthday, but I had no idea what I was in for.
I went to the pet store and, in addition to 20 pounds of new harder clumping style cat litter (which they did not, by the way, seem to appreciate in the least), I picked them up a fresh container of catnip. I know, I know. I probably shouldn’t have, especially after Mr. Lionel Richie’s last brush with addiction. But you only turn six once, so I cracked open an Amstel Light for myself, popped off the lid of the catnip, and stepped back.
Within seconds they had devoured an entire stalk of catnip, and then started rolling around the floor, purring wildly, and rubbing against everything in the house. It was like the 70’s all over again. I could sense that they were feeling peckish, so I brought out their final birthday treat – a baby chick!
I barely had time to lay down a backdrop, adjust a few clamp lights, and brush back their whiskers when they started to attack the poor Peep. Usually they just lick them a few times, bat them around a bit, and walk away bored. But this time they went nuts – it was like a feeding frenzy!
The first thing Mr. Lionel Richie did was decapitate the helpless Peep! Yellow dust splattered everywhere.
Then Miss Dionne Warwick got into the mix, and pulled the headless chick away from Mr. Lionel Richie. They tore at the bird like a pair of blood-soaked hyenas. Mr. Lionel Richie continued to chew up the head of his prey, while Miss Dionne Warwick dug out the Peep innards with her fangs – marshmallow fluff was stuck to her face and whiskers. I had to look away.
When they had finally had their fill, they lorded over the carcass with such satisfaction, it turned my stomach.
My god, what have I done?
Filed under: General on April 4th, 2006
April 3rd, 2006 at 10:46 pm
So first you get your cats high, then you put them on a sugar binge.
I didn’t get that kind of treatment on MY birthday, and am now officially jealous… of cats.
April 4th, 2006 at 8:01 am
Dave2: I will gladly send you a dime bag of catnip and some Peeps on your b-day next year.
April 4th, 2006 at 8:45 am
After seeing Mr. Lionel Richie’s fangs up close and personal, I feel for that little peep.
April 4th, 2006 at 9:43 am
Peeps are people, too. Voluntary Peep-Slaughter is crime in 47 jursidictions. You just ruthlessly tossed a poor, defenseless Peep into the gaping, fanged maws of drug-crazed kitties. You could be in serious trouble, Ms. Amadeo. I’m contacting PETP today.
April 4th, 2006 at 9:44 am
PETP = Peeps for the Ethical Treatment of People
April 4th, 2006 at 10:03 am
I can’t even remember how old my cats are, much less when their actual birthday is.
I like to get mine hopped up on the goofballs, then use the laser light on them. They literally run up the walls. Fantastic.
Nothing like a kitty bender to make you acquainted with the Dark Side.
April 4th, 2006 at 10:40 am
I liked the name Maddox and Zahara and felt those names represented the feline moniker apotheosis (FMA). My only question is, with the new names, do they have a theme song?
April 4th, 2006 at 11:52 am
A word of advice: don’t let them get a hold of your car keys. Once you let them drive, they will never stop asking for the car. That, and the little f&#kers never remember to signal. I f&#king hate cat drivers. Don’t get me f&#king started.
April 4th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
Dear Jenny,
I can’t believe you’ve had Ebony and Ivory for six years already. It seems like just yesterday that you brought furry little Ted and Sylvia into your home. This makes me feel old. And like I need to eat catnip real bad.
Love,
Vivian
April 4th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
Jess: Have I told you lately how sorry I am that Mr. Lionel Richie hissed right in your face five times in a row? But… you wouldn’t set him down.
Shari: So, I’m guessing that PETP would not like the fact that I also sometimes put Peeps in the microwave?
Tracy Lynn: I was totally tempted to buy one of those laser lights for their b-day, but then I worried that they might figure out how to use it and try to blind me with it, or take down an airplane.
Scarlett: Hmmm… a theme song, you say? I’m gonna have to think on that a bit!
Peef: Yeah, cat drivers are THE WORST! Did you ever see them try to parallel park? Losers.
Viv: Tell me about it! I remember when they were climbing up my legs with their razor sharp claws like it was yesterday.
April 4th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
Catnip?
Jenny, I’m disappointed in you.
These kids are turning six, for crying out loud!!
Couldn’t you have gone for something with a little more zip?
When my cat turned six I injected him with Heroin.
Just a little, but still-Talk About A Party!!
April 4th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
I beg to differ, Jen, I’ve got the photos (in sequence) of the aforementioned hissing event and it ends with me setting Mr. Lionel Richie DOWN.
Look, I love your cats but the fact that Mr. LR was rubbing against me one second, vying for my affection and then nearly decapitating me the next, suggests something. Have you considered that he might be manic depressive and his recent addiction problem was a heartbreaking attempt at self medication and/or a serious cry for help?
April 4th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
I would never dream of giving little PeaPah drugs–diet pills maybe, because she is so fat. We experimented with catnip, but had to give it up because one of the cats insisted on urinating on it. That’s just weird, and smelled bad.
April 5th, 2006 at 12:00 am
This is not so much catnip related as cat related, but my new cat Slippers (that was the name his old owner gave him: “If you don’t behave, I’ll turn you into SLIPPERS!”) *aka* Kingsley, has now decided that he’s a momma cat.
He carries a catnip toy around in his mouth and meows pitifully, much like our old (actual) momma cat did when she was calling her (actual) kittens. I now wake up in bed surrounded by little catnip filled cat toys that Kingsley has brought to me.
As a sister cat lover, do you know why Kingsley (who also has many other names — such as Pippers and Peep– depending on his position, disposition and my propensity to make up new names for him) might suddenly start calling his kittens and bringing me presents? Am I his kitten? I hope you can help, because my next and only course of action is to get him a real baby and see what happens.
April 5th, 2006 at 7:07 am
Dean: No it is I who is disappointed in you! If I were holding heroin, do you really think I’d be giving it to my cats? Puh-lease!
Jessica: Mr. Lionel Richie just likes to play hard to get. He’s not always easy like Sunday morning, you know.
Roy: Ew. I once had a cat who was terrified of catnip. My other cat loved it, but he would tear out of the room like a lunatic the second I opened the container. Must’ve had a bad college experience – I feel the same way about Southern Comfort.
Coco: Hmm. I’m not sure why he’s doing that, but if I were you, I’d just be happy he wasn’t trying to suck out your breath in the middle of the night. I hate it when my cats do that.
April 5th, 2006 at 9:36 am
i love your cats’ names. awesome! though watching the destruction of that peep? seriously brutal jenny. seriously.
April 5th, 2006 at 11:55 am
whoa. not even 2 cats can completely destroy a peep. that makes me wonder if perhaps i have a multitude of small peep shells from easters passed all lining the interior of my stomach…
April 5th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
SWEET TENDER LORD! Your cats look exactly like our Siamese, Archie! (He just turned nine.)
Archie
April 13th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
hehehehe….Where do you come up with ideas like this!
Happy Birthday to your beautiful savage little kitties! 
3T