I told him all about women and how our bodies work, but he didn’t believe me. “That doesn’t even make sense,” he said. “You’re lying to me.” I said it was true and that my gravity pulls all women in, just you wait.
They let me cut their hair, and I kept their curls for gypsy spells.
She told me she built an orphanage in Mexico but then later twirled her mustache in a way that made me doubt her. I noticed her diamond and she said they just got engaged that night. I thought it looked like a fake, but congratulated her anyway.
They all said she was a giant, but I said no, she was just a woman.
He told me he had two brothers and two sisters, and that they never learned about the birds and the bees. “But I found a book one time. My mother’s book…,” he said, his voice trailing off. I shivered and sipped my drink.
He said root beer, but I said sarsaparilla, and we said either way it was good.
She scolded him for eating things he shouldn’t have, so he apologized and swore at her under his breath.
I told him I won, but he said it only counts if you’re playing against someone. That was the last time I won.
She said we’d rent an RV one day and drive far away from there. “On the way, we’ll stop to visit my mom, and she’ll feed us wasabi peas,” she told me. “We’ll live like rock stars with marble floors and four flat screen TV’s.”
It all sounded wonderful.

14 Responses to “Tales”

  1. Dave2 Says:

    Somebody has been drinking sarsaparilla too close to bed-time!

  2. jenny Says:

    dave2: no, but somebody is extraordinarily hungover and trapped in the portland airport due to high winds in chicago. :-)

  3. churlita Says:

    Wow. You get fun, quirky and creative when you’re hungover stuck in an airport? I just get cranky and want to drink more.

  4. brandon Says:

    it does sound wonderful. somewhere a pinball machine just registered 14 brazilian points, just for how wonderful it sounds.

  5. shari Says:

    Mustaches are cool. Made me not even notice the tie. Makes me wish so hard I was there.

  6. Fiorello La Guardia Says:

    I have absolutely NO idea what you are saying about anything, but I love it.
    Hope you get home safe. And YES…it has been windy here for 2 whole days. Absolutely makes me crazy.

  7. asia Says:

    trapped! oh that sucks.
    i am really wiped out today.
    …and my spirit is crushed after loosing consecutive games of pinball to you. where do i send my trophy and do you want me to engrave jenny or runjenrun over where my name used to be?

  8. jenny Says:

    churlita: drinking more would have been a very, very bad option for me this morning. :)
    brandon: i never even got close to a brazilian. except that one time…
    shari: it really was a formal affair. we all missed you, too!
    fiorello: yes, i made it home safe and sound. 3 hours late and lots of turbulence later. :(
    asia: either the knob creek made me forget that i won or made you forget that i lost, because as i recall it, your record is intact. i do remember something about a tattoo, though.

  9. Hilly Says:

    This was ab fab and creative! Is it wrong that I am trying to figure out which one of them did not believe gravity and which had no formal bird and bee training?

  10. vahid Says:

    Hangovers are the worst. Next time we’ll bypass the hang over phase by all staying up till dawn and having breakfast together.

  11. jenny Says:

    hilly: those who had formal training were in the minority, to be sure.
    vahid: it’s a deal! i need to plan better next time and not fly out the next morning…

  12. serap Says:

    Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to tell tales?! I’m thinking the combination of hangover and turbulence wasn’t the best! You must have been very glad to get home.

  13. rhonda Says:

    ……… my gravity pulls all women in, just you wait.
    “for you are a magnet and I am steel……”

  14. jenny Says:

    serap: indeed – turbulence and foggy booze head do not make for a fun plane ride. if you throw in “license to wed” as the in-flight movie, it makes for an almost unbearable experience.
    rhonda: ohhh, such a good 70’s song. you just reminded me that i need to buy the “boogie nights” soundtrack – i think it’s on there, along with sister christian!

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