I’m not a paranoid person, really, but just this weekend, I started to think that maybe the world was against me because I was eating a bunch of pistachios and I kept finding ones that wouldn’t open. Is there anything sadder than having a handful of pistachios that you are happily eating and then looking down and seeing that you only have three left so you’d better really savor them, only to find out that two of them are closed shut? There’s really no way to recover from that. It’s like when the last M&M in the bag has a bad peanut in it, and there are no M&M’s left to wash away the taste of that previous rusty peanut. It basically negates all the happiness you got from the whole bag.
I don’t know, I just got really mad about these pistachios and then looked at the bag and discovered that pistachios are grown in California, and I thought, “Big surprise there. Californians have always had it out for me.” I just got so angry at the nuts, and then at the Californians for knowingly packaging so many bad nuts. I was steamed.
But then today, something changed all that. I was breezing through my feed reader when I saw a familiar face… my own. I had won an award. And not just any award, but a major award. A MAJOR award! I won a major award!
Hilly over at Snackiepoo bestowed upon me her coveted “Blogger of the Month” award for June. That’s right, I totally OWN June now, and no one can take that away from me, not even some tight-assed pistachio.
After I got over my initial shock and glee, I remembered that Hilly lives in California, and Hilly clearly doesn’t have it out for me because otherwise she wouldn’t have given me this award. Unless she’s trying to lull me into a false sense of security so that she can trick me into giving her my Social Security Number and start destroying my good credit, but that just doesn’t seem like her style.
So what I learned today is that I was really wrong to demonize all of California just because their pistachios are a big rip-off. It’s just not fair. I don’t hate Californians, I hate pistachios. I mean I love pistachios, but I hate what they stand for.
Anyway, I just wanted to clear the air with California, and thank Hilly again for making my day with this awesome award. I will display my badge loud and proud!

25 Responses to “Frageelay!”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Congrats on your award! And just so you know, the world/CA/pistachios are not out to get you. However, the entire universe has got some issues with me as of late, which leaves everyone else in the clear. Those pistachios were meant for me.

  2. Black Belt Mama Says:

    That was me. See, universe is out to get me. It doesn’t even remember who I am when I’m here. Blech.

  3. sizzle Says:

    Well deserved I say!
    As a former Californian, I have always adored you. For the record. ;)

  4. Hilly Says:

    California is humbled by your realization that we are lovable creatures too.
    But yah, posts like this are why you rock June so hardcore….I mean, you tied in Pistachios, California and your award all in one pretty little package.
    Now hand me some nuts, please ;).
    (also, you are totally welcome!)

  5. shari Says:

    Congratulations! Hilly displays (yet again) her impeccable taste and judgment. I like that girl!
    Now then, as to pistachios… Buy the shelled ones. Not only are they 100% disappointment-free, but they’re really easy to add to ice cream.

  6. jennafura Says:

    HOORAY for JENNY! I as a new-found Californian..find you smart and funny..( however, i am also a native mid-westerner) BUT! I can always use this skill to educate those who are “special”

  7. Dave2 Says:

    I’m golf-clapping at the screen right now and screaming “well done… woo! woo! woo!”

  8. Pants Says:

    If you need a state to hate on, I strongly suggest Utah.

  9. Karl Says:

    Couldn’t have gone to a better person. I mean, I already got one a couple of months ago, so really it had to go to you eventually. ;)

  10. Beth Says:

    I treat pistachios like shellfish: beware of the ones that don’t open. They are likely bad and you really don’t want to eat them.

  11. kat Says:

    so it’s not italian?

  12. elise Says:

    Maybe the reason those last few shells were sealed impossibly is that the NUTS HAD GONE BAD/WERE POISONED.
    And California Pistachios didn’t want you to die. It’s not your time, Jenny! It’s just not your time.

  13. Avitable Says:

    What about moustachios? Are you okay with them?

  14. delmer Says:

    I’ve never had trouble with the California Pistachios, but the California Raisins are a tough group — don’t let their singing and dancing fool you.
    Congratulations on the award. Your mother(s) will be so proud.

  15. Valerie Says:

    Woohoo! Congratulations!!! You deserve it!
    And yes, I HATE it when the last ANYTHING in the bag turns out to be shriveled up and burnt/sour/hollow, etc. It is SUCH a disappointment. Saving the best for last is totally my thing, and if the best turns out NOT to be the best, it completely sucks.

  16. churlita Says:

    Good for you. If I had to rock any month, it would probably be June.
    And pistachios? Don’t get me started on the ones that won’t open. I have ripped the skin off my fingers trying to get those out.

  17. claire Says:

    “I don’t hate Californians, I hate pistachios. I mean I love pistachios, but I hate what they stand for.”
    Excellent! Congrats on the award, clearly deserved!

  18. robin Says:

    Very much deserved! Congrats!

  19. jewelz916 Says:

    Congratulations on your award!!!! I ‘heart’ reading your blog….no one is more deserving (except me, perhaps…but I’m a newbie, so I’ll have to wait to earn my stripes)!
    As far as the pistachios…that happens to me ALL the damn time. I’ve officially given them up due to high frustration levels.

  20. srah Says:

    I have found that my staple remover at work does great double-duty as a tough-pistachio-opener. You do have to have a crack of some sort in order to pry it open with the staple remover, but even a small crack will do.

  21. kim Says:

    OMG! You’re funny. LOL Ever heard of a nutcracker? Don’t bother. The closed pistachios have absolutely NO FLAVOR.

  22. vahid Says:

    For the win, Jenny. For the win. ;)

  23. serap Says:

    Congratulations on your award! June is a lovely month of the year to have to yourself… I don’t think I would pick any other.

  24. jenny Says:

    BBM: trust me – it’s not you, it’s me. i’ve been trying to fix the “remember me” on my comments for years. people have mostly given up on me in that regard… :)
    sizzle: thanks! and see, you’ve also helped change my attitude about CA.
    hilly: it’s really true – you are lovable creatures!
    shari: what i like about pistachios in the shell is that they slow me down. if i bought the shelled ones, i’d shove handful after handful in my mouth. plus, it must burn a couple calories opening them, right?
    jennafura: ah, but if you’re a native midwesterner, you’ll never be a californian. the midwest gets imprinted in your DNA – ask anyone who has tried to leave!
    dave2: but it’s a classy “woo woo woo!” right? you know, to go with the golf clap.
    pants: i’ve only been to utah once, and i could hate on them for making me slam my drink before they can legally set down the next one. what’s up with that?
    karl: you led the way and made it possible for people like me to one day win such an award!
    beth: you know, i had that exact thought!
    kat: sadly, not italian, but still – A MAJOR AWARD!
    elise: i suppose there is that possibility – but then why doesn’t california just stop sending them to me?
    avitable: i have no grudge against moustachios. or pimentos.
    delmer: oh, don’t get me started on the california raisins. i had a whole bunch of them with stems still attached. STEMS! california really might be trying to kill me.
    valerie: oh… hollow is even worse than clamped shut, because with hollow you know that someone, somewhere got your nut. at least i still have the possibility of a nut.
    churlita: you should see my fingernails – i feel like a POW.
    claire: thanks, claire! i think this could be the beginning of my rise to fame and fortune. i won’t forget all of you.
    robin: thanks! if you can make it to davecago in august, we’ll have to watch out for the paparazzi who will inevitably be following me.
    jewelz916: thanks so much! and i’m not yet prepared to give them up, but i might pre-sort them before i start eating so that i can discard all the closed ones up front. i need an intern.
    srah: no way – a staple remover? i may just need to try that!
    kim: is that true? now i really want to open one to find out! where’s my staple remover?
    vahid: FTW! pistachios for everyone!
    serap: it’s true – june really is the best month. and it’s mine, all mine!

  25. sandra Says:

    I am officially intimidated by you.